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Journal Entry March 11, 2004

“My devotion this morning says to create a safe place for yourself when you’ve been hurt.  I believe that is what I’m to do right now.”

That first year I did create a “safe place”.  My apartment was my shelter from the world.  The thing is even though it was a safe place for me the feelings of abandonment, sorrow, fear, and every other emotion I was feeling entered the door every time I did.  It wasn’t a safe place because those feelings couldn’t find me there, it was a safe place because I didn’t have to pretend any more.  I could be real and honest with the One who knows me best and who listens and cares.  I could cry, sob, scream into my pillow (it was an apartment after all), laugh, sing, moan, and cry out to God as much and as often as needed.  It was so therapeutic.

The thing is there is only one genuine “safe place” to be found in this crazy world.  I say along with the psalmist:

God alone is my “safe place”.  What’s wonderful about that is because His Spirit dwells within me He goes wherever I go.  I don’t have to “create a safe place”.  He’s in me always.  He’s with me everywhere.  He promised this in His word:

These promises are for the child of God who has invited His Son into his/her life.  Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection made this safe place possible.  He is the One who sends the Holy Spirit to walk with me in this life.  He has hemmed me in before and behind (Psalm 139:5).  There are so many promises in His word of His presence being with me.  I believe He means it!

Psalm 23 is a perfect description of being in the safe place with God: 

Hallelujah!  What a Savior!

Father,

You are my “safe place”.

Thank You!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen!

Which path?

 

Journal Entry March 10, 2004

“I believe I am to look in Lexington for a job and apartment.”

This one simple statement was the beginning of a monumental journey in my life.  It’s amazing to me how God plants a thought in my brain and a desire in my heart.  The key is listening to His voice and saying yes to His will.  I think about the blessings I would have missed if I had allowed fear to keep me from taking one simple step. 

I had said many times if I could live anywhere (besides the beachJ) I’d live in Lexington.  I loved growing up there.  I never felt at home in the Louisville area but Lexington has always felt like where I belong.  I also had a deep desire to work at a church.  However, this was not just going to fall into my lap.  I needed to step out in faith.

What was that step?  I contacted my friend Molly in Lexington and asked her if she knew of any churches that were hiring.   Then I waited to see what God would do.  I knew that He was in control and would provide the perfect place that He wanted me to be when the time was right. 

Is God calling you to step out in faith?  It’s scary.  If it’s not, it’s probably not from God.  He doesn’t call us to do the easy.  He calls us out of our comfort zone.  He wants us to depend on His strength, His guidance, His knowledge to accomplish His purpose for our lives.  He doesn’t’ force it.  He gives us the choice to follow, to step out, to obey.  And when we do, wow, what a blessing it becomes.  Not easy, not without struggle, not always popular, but always best.

I’ve been on this particular path for 13 years today when I wrote that simple statement.  Today there are signs God is opening a new chapter in my life and I’m excited to see where this path will lead.  On May 1 I will begin working part time at my present job.  I’m opening myself up to what God would have me to do with the free hours each week.   I know He will guide because His word says:

Father,

Fear is not from You.

In Your word You tell us often “Do not fear”.

Help me to always take that first step because it is the hardest.

Thank You for directing my paths.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

I am...

Journal entry March 8, 2004

“I do desire a relationship but with someone who cherishes me and lets me be me.”

I know that when I wrote this back in 2004 I was thinking of a human relationship, a man who would cherish and love me for who I am and not try to change me.  When I read this today I realized that I’ve had that kind of relationship since Jesus came into my life and that was a long time ago.

I am cherished by this One who left Heaven to live life on this earth so He could experience and understand this life I live.  I am cherished by this One who walked and taught and loved as an example for me while He lived this life.  I am cherished by this One who gave His life for me.  I am cherished by this One who ascended to Heaven to prepare a place for me.  I am cherished by this One who intercedes for me before His Father.  I am cherished by this One who is waiting to welcome me Home one day.  I am cherished.

Jesus knows and understands me.  He does help me change but it is always for the best.  He wants me to the person I was created to be which is wonderful.  He allows me to make choices and when I make the wrong one He’s still there helping me pick up the pieces.  He doesn’t ridicule or accuse me.  He lovingly guides me on the path that He’s prepared for me.  This is so different from the way I was treated in my marriage.

For as long as I can remember, through the good and bad, the easy and difficult, the glad and sad, Jesus has been a part of my life.  I can honestly say I’ve never doubted Him.  I’ve doubted other aspects of my beliefs and that’s natural but I have never doubted the love or presence of Jesus Christ in my life.  Even as a child I had this blessed assurance that He would always take care of me.  I’m so thankful for this gift of faith even though I certainly don’t understand it.

This assurance has been magnified over the last 14 years as I’ve traveled a sometimes treacherous path.  He’s never ever let me down.  I could fill a book with the ways He’s taken care of me.  Spiritual, physical, mental, psychological, and every other need I’ve had have been met and overcome in a myriad of ways throughout my life.  He’s provided well beyond my simple needs and blessed me abundantly.  I don’t understand why He’s done this for me but at this point in my life my deep longing is to serve Him daily in gratitude for His marvelous gifts.

“I do desire a relationship but with someone who cherishes me and lets me be me.”  These words written years ago reflected a desire that had already been met.  The One who knows my needs and desires before I even have a glimmer of a thought about them answered my unspoken cry.  He will do the same for you when you reach out to Him in faith.  He’s waiting.

Father,

I have a wonderful relationship with Your Son Jesus Christ.

It’s only possible because You willingly sacrificed Him for a dying world.

Thank You!

Help others to desire this same relationship.

In His Name,

Amen. 

Discover the:

Journal Entry March 7, 2004

"Church was great.  Went to choir and came home.  No one to sit with. I'm still struggling with loneliness.  I'm clinging to God & His word.  I'm not worthless because Jesus died for me."

Loneliness and feeling like I don’t matter are two themes that run through the pages of my journal.  I knew in my head this wasn’t true because I knew God was with me and that Jesus died for me.  The thing I take away from this is how our words and actions affect those around us, especially those in our lives whom we are supposed to love and care for with compassion.

Over the years of my marriage I had been made to feel like I didn’t matter.  Nothing I said, did, liked, enjoyed, or wanted was of any consequence.  I was to reflect the values, likes, words, and even thoughts of another.  The problem is that person didn’t have my best interest at heart.  It was all about him.  Those years took their toll on me and it’s has taken many years, tears, prayers, and counseling to overcome the damage done.  The truth is from time to time those old insecurities rear their ugly heads.  Thankfully God reminds me in those times of who I am in Him and He has given me ways to respond to Satan’s attacks.  The Evil One is after all the one who wants to discourage me so that I will not be a witness to the power and love of Jesus Christ.

This experience and the things God has taught me through it has impressed on me how important my words and actions are. Believe me, I fail all too often to reflect Jesus but through His Spirit I’m making progress.  One of my greatest joys in life is to bring a smile to someone’s face by word, deed, or attitude.  I know there have been days when someone’s kindness has made all the difference in the way I view my world.  It’s such a little thing with such a big result.  A smile, a hug, or a kind word are gifts nothing can erase from a life.

If nothing else I’ve written touches your heart please hear these words: “I'm not worthless because Jesus died for me."  The Son of God died for me.  He died for you.  As Chris Tomlin sings:

He became sin, who knew no sin
That we might become His righteousness
He humbled himself and carried the cross

Love so amazing, love so amazing

Jesus Messiah, name above all names
Blessed redeemer, Emmanuel
The rescue for sinners, the ransom from Heaven
Jesus Messiah, Lord of all

His body the bread, his blood the wine
Broken and poured out all for love
The whole earth trembled, and the veil was torn

Love so amazing, love so amazing, yeah

Jesus Messiah, name above all names
Blessed redeemer, Emmanuel
The rescue for sinners, the ransom from Heaven
Jesus Messiah, Lord of all

All our hope is in You, all our hope is in You
All the glory to You, God, the light of the world

Jesus Messiah, name above all names
Blessed redeemer, Emmanuel
The rescue for sinners, the ransom from Heaven
Jesus Messiah, Lord of all

Songwriters
CHRIS TOMLIN, CHRISTOPHER DWAYNE TOMLIN, DANIEL CARSON, ED CASH, JESSE REEVES

Published by
Lyrics © MUSIC SERVICES, INC.

There’s no way Satan can ever convince me I don’t matter when I remember what Jesus did for me.  You have the same promise.  All you have to do is receive the gift.

Father,

You’ve given the best gift of all.

Your Son gave His life so that I might live.

I pray that many will accept this gift that is freely given.

In His precious name,

Amen

I Love the:

Thoughts for Cheri:

March 4, 2004

“I feel so odd right now.  I feel like God is about to reveal something to me.  Pat gave me Jeremiah 3:33 to help me when I was down Monday.  I’m memorizing it today and ever since I’ve been going over it I’ve just felt like God is telling me something.”

My first thought when I read this is:  I love God’s word.  I love how it speaks to whatever is going on in my life at a given moment.  I love how the underlying message of God’s love, grace, peace, mercy, and hope never changes.  I love how every page points to the Messiah, Jesus Christ who scripture tells us is The Word.  I just love God’s word!

Jesus is the Word made flesh.  By His life, death, and resurrection He revealed the Father to a dying world.  Today scripture continues to reveal Him to a still dying world.  Please if you don’t know Him, seek Him in the pages of a Bible.  He will be found if you seek.

Throughout my life God has used His word to guide, convict, teach, comfort, encourage, and just enable me to live life.  God’s word is not stagnant.  As the writer of Hebrews says:

The verse I was memorizing this particular week still speaks to me today. 

This is truly a beautiful promise from God which has proven to be true over and over again in my life.  I’ve called to Him in desperation, in sorrow, in repentance, in joy, in seeking, in praise, and in many other ways and He’s always answered.  Maybe not in my time or in the way I desired but always in the right time and best way for me.  Through His word He’s revealed “great and mighty things” especially the power and majesty of Jesus Christ and the faith that sustains me as I walk through valleys and on mountaintops.  He’s amazing!

God’s word is a gift to all of humankind.  Unfortunately it’s a gift too few have chosen to unwrap, even those who profess to be Christians.  Don’t allow someone else to tell you what God’s word says.  Spend time reading it and allow God Himself through His Holy Spirit to reveal the message He has for you.  You will not regret it.  It will change your life.

Father,

You so graciously revealed Your word to men so it could be shared with all of us.

Your word speaks to the hearts and minds of all who open their eyes and ears to see and hear.

Thank You for The Word Who became flesh so we could know You!

In His Name,

Amen

No matter the language we need to say:

Thoughts for Cheri:

Prayer completed:

“Please Lord, deliver me and enable me to feel complete and content in every area.  I know I will not be perfectly complete or content until I’m with You but I long, as Paul, to be as complete and content as is possible while living this life on this earth.”

“Thank You for all You have done in my life.  Thank You for loving me and saving me.  Thank You for hearing this prayer and for answering according to your will and purpose.”

“I love You!”

“I claim and ask all of this in the precious name of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior.”“Amen”

There’s much I could talk about from this portion of my prayer but I want to focus on these 2 words today:  “Thank You”. 

These words are important to say to anyone no matter who they are or what they do for you.  Expressing gratitude shows appreciation to others and it can make a big difference in someone’s life.  It doesn’t matter if it’s the person that picks up the trash or your boss, saying thank you matters.

If it matters to people how much more should I express my gratitude to the Giver of all good gifts?

Everything I am and have are gifts from my Creator.  First of all, He is my Creator.  I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for Him.  Secondly, I have eternal life because He made provision for His Son to live, die, and live again to give me life with Him forever.  Thirdly, He loves me with an everlasting love.  If He never gave me anything else that would be more than I deserve.

He has however chosen to bestow on me gift after gift: peace, joy, mercy, grace are just a few of those gifts.  He’s given me relationships:  family and friends who have blessed my life in so many ways.  He’s given me nature through which He reveals Himself to me daily.  He’s given me pets over my lifetime who have made my days sweeter in so many ways.  He’s given more material possessions that I ever needed.  He’s answered prayers in the ways that have always been best for me even when I didn’t know it.  I could go on and on but hopefully you get my drift.  My Father loves to lavish His child with gifts.

I know that not every follower of Christ receives the same gifts.  In fact, many are suffering terribly around the world.  I don’t understand why some suffer persecution but sometimes I believe they are more blessed than I am because they are truly sharing in the suffering of our Savior and that’s a gift in itself.   Paul stated:

I guess what I’m trying to say is that as a Christian I am to be thankful and content whatever my circumstances.  God has a plan for each life and I am to live mine to the fullest each day.  I am to take nothing for granted but to be thankful in all things because that’s what He’s using to conform me to the image of Christ.  He’s a personal God who works personally in the life of each of His children to complete His will in Christ:

For this I am thankful!

Father,

You give me gifts that will make me more like Jesus.

You give me gifts that will help me serve like Jesus.

Thank You!

In His Name,

Amen.

Am I Willing To:

Thoughts for Cheri:

Prayer continued:

“Open my eyes, ears, mind, and heart to opportunities You have for me.  I surrender all to You.  Whatever You ask I am willing to do.  I lay my life, my desires, my plans, my hopes, my dreams at Your feet and give myself to be used by and for You for the furtherance of Your Kingdom work.”

“Take my life and lead me.  Empty me of all that hinders me from serving You to the fullest extent possible.  Remove anything that hinders me from being what You want me to be.”

This should be my prayer every day.  The truth is I do better on some days than on others.  Thankfully God knows this is my heart’s desire my heart.  He also knows on too many days my flesh fails.  That’s why this is one of my favorite passages from His word:

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
Yahweh is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the whole earth.
He never grows faint or weary;
there is no limit to His understanding.
 He gives strength to the weary
and strengthens the powerless.
Youths may faint and grow weary,
and young men stumble and fall,
but those who trust in the Lord
will renew their strength;
they will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary;
they will walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

I don’t have to do this in my own strength.  When I do surrender all to Him, when I do lay everything before Him, when I do empty myself of things that hinder me, He takes what I offer and fills me with His strength.  He places in me everything I need to serve Him as He leads.  Willingness is the only thing required of me.  Jesus Himself made this abundantly clear:

“Take up thy cross and follow me,” 
I heard my Master say; 
“I gave me life to ransom thee, 
Surrender your all today.”

CHORUS:
Wherever He leads I’ll go, 
Wherever He leads I’ll go,
I’ll follow my Christ who loves me so, 
Wherever He leads I’ll go.

He drew me closer to His side, 
I sought His will to know,
And in that will I now abide, 
Wherever He leads I’ll go. 

It may be through the shadows dim, 
Or o’er the stormy sea,
I take my cross and follow Him, 
Wherever He leadeth me.

B.B. McKinney

Am I willing to daily do this?  That's the question.

Father,

I love that when You ask me to “follow Me” 

You know I’m totally incapable of doing so on my own.

I love that You’ve already promised to give me exactly what I need to do this.

All I have to do is to be willing and to lay down my life.

Seems only fair since Jesus laid His down for me.

Thank You!

In His Name,

Amen