Thoughts for Cheri
December 31, 2003
“I was thinking about Christmas and wondering why I wasn’t sad and didn’t miss my ex. I have slowly come to the realization that I never loved him because he never allowed me to. I didn’t even like him! His cruelty and need to control everyone caused me to fear him and to believe I couldn’t do anything without him. I did respect some things about him but they all turned out to be lies.”
“I now compare my relationship with him to a drug addict’s dependence on a drug. I was dependent on him and thought I couldn’t live without him. But in reality he was destroying me little by little. When he went out of my life the withdrawal was painful, just as withdrawal from a drug is painful, but as healing is taking place I am learning how to really live.”
“The last couple of weeks have been interesting. I guess the best way I’ve been able to describe how I have been feeling lately is weary. Not sad or down, just weary. I said I have thought so much in the past months that my brain hurt. I think I was just tired of making decisions, talking, and just doing. I just wanted to not have to think. Cheri told me that because I am such an introspective person I would have trouble doing that. So I decided to do only what I absolutely had to do until the New Year. I finished some shopping, went to Tim’s choir presentation, and to work. I just felt like I needed as much ‘nothing’ as I could create for myself.”
I’ve been
sitting here trying to come with something to write about the first paragraph. I really don’t have any profound words to say
because I think they speak for themselves.
This far removed from the situation I have a sadness not anger for this
man who was intelligent, good-looking, and gave glimpses of the husband and
father he could have been. I pray that
in the years since God has worked in his life just as He has in mine.
“I now compare my
relationship with him to a drug addict’s dependence on a drug. I was dependent on him and thought I couldn’t
live without him. But in reality he was
destroying me little by little. When he
went out of my life the withdrawal was painful, just as withdrawal from a drug is
painful, but as healing is taking place I am learning how to really live.” Reading these words makes me thankful for the
One on whom I am dependent today. He is
not cruel, doesn’t control me, and never lies.
He came not to destroy me but to give me everlasting life. Even today He is still bringing healing into
my life. My dependence on Him brings
peace, joy, and love to every day I live.
Jesus Himself said:
I see this period in my life as
the beginning of my learning to walk with Jesus, to work with Jesus, to learn
how He does it. Yes, there are still
days when I get caught up in the busyness of life but Jesus is there to remind
me to live freely and lightly in His company.
It’s a wonderful way to live life.
I highly recommend it.
If you haven’t
already done so please accept Jesus’ invitation and trust His promises. He alone will never fail you. I know because He’s never failed me yet. It’s been in the tough times that He’s proven
His faithfulness over and over. He’ll do
the same for you if you only trust Him.
Father,
Thank You for Your
Son.
His promises and His
presence have touched my life.
He’s taught me how to
live freely and lightly.
Touch the lives of
those who read these words in the same say.
In Jesus’ Precious
Name,
Amen
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