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Thoughts for Cheri

March 27, 2004

“Last night I was crying again and I thought about what Catherine said about me being empty and needing to be filled by God.  I think that I’m full of over 30 years of unshed tears of frustration, hurt, failure, despair, and so many other negative feelings.  I wasn’t allowed to show emotion or to cry much for all those years.  When I did hurt or cry I was rarely comforted.  I was made to feel like my feelings didn’t matter or were wrong.”

“I believe God is emptying me of all these hurtful burdens so He can fill me with the goodness He has for me.  I believe this is a process I have to experience to truly be free and to receive and be filled with all that God has in store for me.”

“I’m so weary of crying and of feeling like I do right now but I choose to believe that on the other side of this pain and despair I will find God’s peace, joy and purpose for my life.  In other words, I choose to walk by faith, not by sight or feelings.”

One of the lessons I’ve learned over the last 14 years is that this is not a onetime process.  The hurts and trials of life take their toll on me over time.  My tank will be emptied as the ups and downs of each day take a little out of me as I try to serve as a child of God.  There is nothing this world offers that can nourish my soul, heart, mind, and body to replenish what is depleted.  Only God has what I need.  Only He can fill me to overflowing with peace, joy, and love.  It’s in the quiet moments of each morning that His voice speaks life to me so that I can in turn share life with others.  It’s actually a pretty amazing process. When I fill up each morning my tank never empties. 

All those years ago I had to empty myself of so much junk.  It wasn’t an easy or a quick task.  Was it worth it?  Definitely.  It was like having surgery to remove an infection.  The process is painful but life changing.  The scars remain as reminders of what I went through and how far God has brought me.  The lessons learned instilled in me a desire to know more about and receive more of God. 

One of the best lessons learned is “I choose to walk by faith, not by sight or feelings.”  I’ve stepped out in faith many times in the last few years.  I’m doing it right now with my beginning to work part time on May 1.  I firmly believe this is of God and He has plans for my life that I do not see right now.  I’m excited to see what He has planned for me in this stage of my life.  Because of His faithfulness over the years I have no fear as I face the unknown.  He’s never let me down before and He will not let me down now.  I also know from experience this doesn’t mean the path will be easy.  If fact, I’m certain it won’t be.  God doesn’t call me into my comfort zone; He calls me out of it into His amazing magnificent work.  What an awesome journey this will be!

Father,

You have done such a marvelous work in my life!

I pray that my actions will reflect my gratitude and commitment to Your work.

I choose to walk by faith as You lead.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.