What are some

Thoughts for Cheri

April 3, 2004

“’Loneliness:  the surprising opportunity to know God.’”

I cannot remember where I read this quote.  It was too many years ago and I didn’t note the source.  I know it spoke to me because I wrote it down. 

I was lonely in my marriage.  I longed for the intimacy God created man and woman to share in marriage.  I always knew something was missing but couldn’t seem to change anything.  That’s what I was seeking to do in the months before this as I sought God’s leading and help with my marriage.  I knew He was changing me and I prayed that my husband was also changing.  Unfortunately that was not to be.  As sad as this is there is something wonderful that came out of this yearning to fill the lonely times.  My relationship with God deepened and became sweeter as the days went by. 

What have I learned over these years of being lonely?  For one thing the loneliest place I can be is in a crowd.  I’m seldom lonely when I’m at home alone.  I’m an introvert so I welcome these times to recharge.  However, some of my loneliest moments have been at church when I’m sitting alone or when I watch families leave together after worship.  When I’m sitting alone I’ve learned to focus on the presence of God who is with me as I praise Him through voice, ears, eyes, and mind.  After church is a little more difficult.  I allow myself to feel the sadness and I give it to Him.  By the time I reach home He’s reminded me that I’m not alone ever.  Then I walk into my apartment and there’s this precious little puppy who’s overjoyed to see me.  What a blessing she is in my life.

 

I’ve also learned that when I feel lonely all I have to do is lift my prayer to my Father and He hears.  There have been times when His presence is so real I can feel His loving arms around me.  Other times He’s brought someone into my life with whom I can fellowship.  It may be through a shared meal, a phone call, or a simple hug but He never lets me down.  This is the reason I try to always be aware of those around me and to give a smile or a sweet greeting.  Sometimes I get a smile or a hello in return.  Always I believe it’s made some kind of difference in a life.

The greatest gift I’ve received through the gift of loneliness is “the surprising opportunity to know God”.  My relationship with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit has deepened and become my lifeline.  The Father is there to provide for and protect me.  Jesus is my Best Friend who intercedes for me and reminds me that I am loved by the One who died for me.  The Spirit comforts, guides, and corrects me as I face each day in the world.  I have known God all my life but the trials and loneliness of the past 14 years have affected that relationship in ways I cannot explain.  He’s with me.  Always!  Often when I’m spending my quiet time in the morning I sense the presence of Jesus sitting in the chair across from me.  I believe this based on His own words:

The truth is we all have times when we are lonely.  God placed a longing in each of us for a relationship with Him and nothing this earth has to offer can satisfy it.  Not even the most wonderful human relationship can come close to a deeply intimate relationship with our Creator.  Thankfully when He placed this desire in each of us He also gave us promises in His word to fulfill that desire:

 

My plea with you today is that if you don’t have this intimate relationship with God, if you’re seeking to fill that void in all the wrong places with all the wrong things stop.  Seek God and He will be found.  Allow Jesus to enter your life and you will never be the same again.  His word guarantees this and my life is a living testimony to it.

Father,

Thank You for the gift of loneliness.

You have blessed me richly in my loneliest times.

Open hearts that are seeking to Your truths.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen

My Ultimate

Thoughts for Cheri

March 29, 2004

“Right now what I really want to do is to find a place or a way to develop my writing.  This may mean classes or maybe just taking what I have written over the past months since I have been in counseling and see just what God makes of my efforts.  That is an interesting thought!  I think it was Evelyn Christenson who wrote about being led by go to write about a particular subject.  She didn’t know where to start but as she looked at random notes she had written over time she discovered an outline and her book came together.  Maybe God has given me a book in all of the things I have written.”

“At this time in my life I need a purpose and I want it to be God’s purpose.  Maybe my purpose right now is to do as Catherine said.  I need to empty myself of 30 years of pain, bitterness, and tears.  I need to allow God to cleanse me and to begin to fill me to overflowing with the blessings He has for me.”

“I just know I want to experience everything God has for me including the pain because if it is from Him it is for my good.  And if it’s not from Him He will shield me if I trust Him to do so.”

“I have said that I feel like I have been in the wilderness or desert for 30+ years.  Isaiah 43:19 says that God is making a road through the desert and a river in the badlands.  This is His message to me that He is working in my life.  I am ready.”

“Right now what I really want to do is to find a place or a way to develop my writing.  This may mean classes…”  I could have written this today.  I actually did take an online writer’s course several years ago and enjoyed it immensely.  I learned a great deal from it.  I think it’s made a difference in how I write for this blog and in other instances.

‘…or maybe just taking what I have written over the past months since I have been in counseling and see just what God makes of my efforts.  That is an interesting thought!”  Okay.  This is what I’m doing 13 years later.  I’m taking what I was writing and expounding on it.  I have considered doing this in past years but when I would try I found I just wasn’t ready.  I find it interesting that I’m ready now that God is giving me time to do more writing.  We’ll see what happens.

“I think it was Evelyn Christenson who wrote about being led by God to write about a particular subject.  She didn’t know where to start but as she looked at random notes she had written over time she discovered an outline and her book came together.  Maybe God has given me a book in all of the things I have written.”  That’s the way I feel right now.  I do feel led to write about lessons learned from my marriage, divorce, and journey to healing.  I’m excited to see how God leads me in the coming weeks and months. 

“At this time in my life I need a purpose and I want it to be God’s purpose.”  I need God’s purpose in my life at every stage.  Another lesson learned over the years is that purpose changes; the reason for that purpose doesn’t.  The ultimate purpose should be a desire to please God and to serve His kingdom.   God gives His child unique talents and gifts to fulfill that ultimate purpose in various ways at different times.  That’s what matters in this life.  His word tells me that:

“Isaiah 43:19 says that God is making a road through the desert and a river in the badlands.  This is His message to me that He is working in my life.”  God has been and is working in my life.  He cares about every aspect of my day, every happening that affects me. 

I went to lunch after writing the above and spent time thinking about this.  The ultimate purpose of every follower of Jesus Christ must be to make His name known.  Everything I do or say should reflect this purpose.  That sounds difficult maybe but I don’t think it is.  Whether it’s a smile, a friendly word, a hug, or a gentle response in a harsh world I can let people see Him in me.  I really want the words I write to reflect my faith in Jesus and to lead others to want to know this One who died so that we might have life.  Otherwise they are just empty meaningless drivel.  I want people to know by my words and deeds that I’ve been with Jesus.

Father,

I hope that my words and deeds reflect my relationship with Your Son.

Instill in me the desire to be more like Jesus.

In His Precious Name I Pray,

Amen.

Do you have:

 

Thoughts for Cheri

March 29, 2004

“I’ve been asking God to remove anything in my life that may be hindering His work and plan for me.  Yesterday Adrian Rogers preached on Abraham’s command to sacrifice Isaac and it was discussed in another of my devotionals this morning.  We are to give everything, especially the things we love, to God.  I’ve asked Him to reveal to me any person, possession, desire, anything I am holding onto.”

“The devotional book Alone with God said that I’m to create a circle around myself that is God’s and His alone.  I want to do that.”

“When I think of what I really want to do my thoughts always go to writing.  At the same time I feel afraid and I know fear is not from God.  I don’t know where or how to start.  I can write my thoughts but writing to be published is frightening.  And I don’t know how to get anything published.  What is the first step of faith I’m to take?”

 “I’m realizing more and more that I am basically a solitary person.  I really don’t mind being alone; in fact, I enjoy it most of the time.  I do desire to have a small circle of good friends to talk to and do things with.  I’m just not interested in being the life of the party or in the middle of all kinds of action.”

“The dream that is taking shape in my heart and mind even as I write this is to be able to stay home and write.  To have a home of my own, with or without a husband, where I can create an atmosphere of Christian hospitality for anyone God may bring my way.  To create an atmosphere of warmth, love, safety and gentleness for women who need a place of refuge.  That dream is still in my heart.”

I love how God works in my life.  When I read these words it soothes me and gives great joy to my heart knowing that my Father cares about the tiniest aspects of my day.  He doesn’t force anything on me but when I seek His guidance through His word, prayer, books, people, etc. He always responds in ways I cannot miss.  Keeping my eyes and ears open for His voice leads to some wonderful discoveries.

“When I think of what I really want to do my thoughts always go to writing.  At the same time I feel afraid and I know fear is not from God.  I don’t know where or how to start.  I can write my thoughts but writing to be published is frightening.  And I don’t know how to get anything published.  What is the first step of faith I’m to take?”  This is still true today.  Every last word of it!  I’ve tried giving up the thought of writing a book but it won’t go away.  I really don’t know what form it would take.  That’s one of the things I’ll be exploring in the hours of freedom God is giving to me.   I firmly believe that when a thought is from God it will not let go of you as long as you are seeking His will.  And if it is His will He’ll make the way as I take steps of faith.  The first step I believe I need to here is to sit down at my computer and start writing.

I find the last two paragraphs to seem to be contradictory.  “I’m realizing more and more that I am basically a solitary person.  I really don’t mind being alone; in fact, I enjoy it most of the time.”  “The dream that is taking shape in my heart and mind even as I write this is to be able to stay home and write.  To have a home of my own, with or without a husband, where I can create an atmosphere of Christian hospitality for anyone God may bring my way.  To create an atmosphere of warmth, love, safety and gentleness for women who need a place of refuge.”   These two thoughts seem to be opposites to me.  I like being alone but I want a place where others feel welcome.  I need to reflect on this.

The truth is this is still a dream I have today.  I still like being alone.  I still would love to have a place that could be a refuge for hurting women.  I don’t believe the two desires cancel each other out.    I know that if this is of God He will make it happen just like He will my writing if He desires.  I don’t know what form this make take but I believe.  I’m really excited about the journey I’m set to embark on in just a few weeks.  I can’t wait to see where God takes me.

Do you have dream you believe is from God?  Hold on to it.  Take steps to make it happen.  Keep moving forward unless God closes the door.  It may take days, months, or years.  However, if God is in it He’ll bring you to it and through it.  It will be more than any dream you’ve ever had.  It will be God-sized.

Father,

I don’t know what my future holds but You do.

I make myself available to Your plans.

Place in me the dreams You have for my life and enable me to live them out.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

Question for today:

Thoughts for Cheri

March 29, 2004

“I believe God is trying to tell me something.  I read these verses in one of my email devotionals this morning and I decided to memorize them.  At lunch today I was reading from Getting Past Your Past by Susan Wilkerson when she quoted the same two verses.  She was talking about giving up the dream that had failed and dreaming a new one."

“’Dreaming is simply envisioning what your purpose might be.  But what if you don’t perceive a new dream?’  (p. 168).  Then she quoted Isaiah 43:18-19.  Then:  ‘The implication of this…is that some people have trouble seeing the new thing God is doing.  If you cannot perceive the new dream God has designed for you, try spending time with people who might see what you don’t.’  (p. 169)”

“This spoke to me because I have been under extreme conviction for 2 or 3 weeks now.  The failure of my marriage has been weighing on my mind because things were happening a year ago.  As I approach April 4^th, it seems to be getting worse.  This morning I awoke to that old feeling of fear and dread.  I was shaking and felt like I was being physically attacked.  I believe God is getting ready to do something ‘brand-new’ in my life and Satan is trying to hinder it.”

I love it when God hits me over the head with something and that’s what happened in this case.  Any time I read a portion of scripture more than once in my quiet time or before the day is over I perk up and pay attention.  I don’t believe in coincidence and I know that God uses various ways to get His point across.  The most effective way and the best way is through His word.  The thing is, I have to read it to hear His voice.   That’s one of the reasons I treasure my quiet time each morning.

My dream when I was younger was to have a great marriage and to live a long and happy life with my husband.  Well, that didn’t happen, did it?  Now I had to give up the dream that had failed and dream a new one.  This is what I was seeking and Satan was not happy about that.  I remember this particular morning like it was yesterday.  The fear was so thick in my apartment you could cut it with a knife.  I have learned over the years that when Satan attacks I’m on the right track and I just need to rebuke him and rest in my Savior.  It sounds easy but it’s difficult when you’re in the middle of a spiritual attack.  What I really wanted to do that morning was pull the covers over my head and curl up in a fetal position.  Thankfully, my faith won out and I took the next step.  That’s all it takes.

Thirteen years ago I dreamed a new dream of working at a church in Lexington, KY.  God gave me that dream and I’m still loving it.  However, all these years later He seems to be adding to that dream.  I’m not certain what this new dream is yet but I’m excited about it.  The first of May I will continue working part time at a job I enjoy while seeking His leading for the free hours I’ll now have.  Tomorrow’s post will share some unanswered dreams I had that may yet be fulfilled.  Only God knows at this point and that’s really all that matters. 

What are you God given dreams?  Don’t give up on them unless God closes the door.  God gives the dream and then gives the ability to pursue that dream to those who know Him.  Keep dreaming and keep seeking. 

Father,

You place a dream in my heart.

You give me what I need to follow that dream.

Thank You!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

Remember:

Thoughts for Cheri

March 27, 2004

“From Getting Past Your Past by Susan Wilkinson (p. 158).  ‘God is completely sovereign and thoroughly good, no matter what the circumstances…Our pain is never for nothing—even the pain caused by our own poor choices.’”

“In this book the author says God does not have a plan A and B and C etc. for our lives.  He is not caught by surprise by the choices we make or by things that are done to us.  Because He is God and He knows what is going to come into our lives, He uses all these things to prepare us for the purpose for which we were created.  This makes sense to me and is so freeing.  Not that I want to mess up anymore.  But I can move past my past and into the present and future with the assurance that He is and has been in control.  Now, when I began regretting, I will remember this, rebuke Satan, and ask Jesus to reveal His thoughts to me.  Praise God!”

Wow!  I’d forgotten about this.  I’m so glad God led me to write my thoughts and that I included this.  I’m so glad God led me to revisit what I wrote during this time.  This journey into my past is blessing me in ways I cannot fathom.  He is such a wonderful Heavenly Father!

There are moments when I wonder what my life would look like if I had made different choices.  I cannot regret my marriage because from it God blessed me with 3 wonderful children and my beautiful and handsome grandchildren.   If I regret anything it would be instances from my marriage, times I should have stood up for myself or my kids, times I should have spoken up when I disagreed with opinions he expressed, times I allowed fear to keep me from doing what I knew was right and best.  I will say that when it came to my kids I did protect them as best I could.  I do regret the times I failed but I no longer blame myself.  I know I did the best I could at that time.  It’s what was and I believe God has used it to make each of us stronger.  I’m extremely thankful for the adults my kids have become and I give God all the glory!

As a child of God, saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, and called to serve Him while I walk on this earth, I’m grateful that He is sovereign.  Nothing surprises Him or catches Him off guard.  He uses the hard times to teach me lessons that will enable me to be a better servant and witness to a lost world.  I believe my purpose is to live each moment of each day the best I can serving Him as He leads and opens doors. 

I use to believe that we were all called to some “big important purpose” before we leave this earth.  Over time I’ve come to realize that the best purpose a child of The King has is to daily love and encourage others while speaking the truth even when it’s not popular.  He may have something major planned for my life.  I don’t know.  I don’t care at this point.  I just want to live in a way that pleases Him, shares His light and love in a dark world, and makes a difference in one life.  If He has more than that for me to do He’ll reveal it in His time.  Until then I’ll just keep living each day for Him open to possibilities and ready to say yes.  I think this song says it well:

Father,

Thank You for taking away any regrets I may have and replacing them with a purpose.

Please open my eyes to opportunities to serve You by helping others daily.

Thank You for allowing me to have a small part in Your Kingdom work.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen

You get to

 

Thoughts for Cheri

March 27, 2004

“Last night I was crying again and I thought about what Catherine said about me being empty and needing to be filled by God.  I think that I’m full of over 30 years of unshed tears of frustration, hurt, failure, despair, and so many other negative feelings.  I wasn’t allowed to show emotion or to cry much for all those years.  When I did hurt or cry I was rarely comforted.  I was made to feel like my feelings didn’t matter or were wrong.”

“I believe God is emptying me of all these hurtful burdens so He can fill me with the goodness He has for me.  I believe this is a process I have to experience to truly be free and to receive and be filled with all that God has in store for me.”

“I’m so weary of crying and of feeling like I do right now but I choose to believe that on the other side of this pain and despair I will find God’s peace, joy and purpose for my life.  In other words, I choose to walk by faith, not by sight or feelings.”

One of the lessons I’ve learned over the last 14 years is that this is not a onetime process.  The hurts and trials of life take their toll on me over time.  My tank will be emptied as the ups and downs of each day take a little out of me as I try to serve as a child of God.  There is nothing this world offers that can nourish my soul, heart, mind, and body to replenish what is depleted.  Only God has what I need.  Only He can fill me to overflowing with peace, joy, and love.  It’s in the quiet moments of each morning that His voice speaks life to me so that I can in turn share life with others.  It’s actually a pretty amazing process. When I fill up each morning my tank never empties. 

All those years ago I had to empty myself of so much junk.  It wasn’t an easy or a quick task.  Was it worth it?  Definitely.  It was like having surgery to remove an infection.  The process is painful but life changing.  The scars remain as reminders of what I went through and how far God has brought me.  The lessons learned instilled in me a desire to know more about and receive more of God. 

One of the best lessons learned is “I choose to walk by faith, not by sight or feelings.”  I’ve stepped out in faith many times in the last few years.  I’m doing it right now with my beginning to work part time on May 1.  I firmly believe this is of God and He has plans for my life that I do not see right now.  I’m excited to see what He has planned for me in this stage of my life.  Because of His faithfulness over the years I have no fear as I face the unknown.  He’s never let me down before and He will not let me down now.  I also know from experience this doesn’t mean the path will be easy.  If fact, I’m certain it won’t be.  God doesn’t call me into my comfort zone; He calls me out of it into His amazing magnificent work.  What an awesome journey this will be!

Father,

You have done such a marvelous work in my life!

I pray that my actions will reflect my gratitude and commitment to Your work.

I choose to walk by faith as You lead.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

Do they matter?

Journal Entry:

March 16, 2004

“One of the lessons I’ve learned through all of this is the power we can have for good or evil over people in our lives.  My ex took my voice and made me invisible.  He separated me from the people who should have been so important in my life.  I want to draw people closer to God and to each other with my actions.”

Words matter.  The old saying  is not true. 

Words can cut deep into a person’s soul creating invisible wounds that never heal.  Physical wounds are terrible but they do heal over time.  It’s the psychological impact those wounds have on a person that cause the deepest pain.  When someone who has professed love for you is the one inflicting the pain it magnifies the trauma many times over.  It reaches deep into your psyche telling you that you are worthless and unlovable.  You begin to believe you deserve to be abused.  When I found this it was as if I had written it:

            Actions matter.  It doesn’t have to be actual physical abuse to cause pain.  Isolating someone, treating them with contempt, uncalled for anger, or just a condescending attitude causes a person to withdraw into a shell like a turtle for protection.  That’s what I did.  It’s not a healthy way to live life.

 

I’m so thankful that God delivered me from that life.  Since then He’s brought people into my life who have spoken kindness and love to me.  Their actions have shown mercy, grace, and love many times over.  Today thanks to God’s goodness and those who answered when He called, instead of a scared turtle I’m a soaring butterfly. 

             God is not finished with me yet.  I know because I know me and I know how far I’ve come and how far I’ve yet to go.  One of my greatest desires is to repay the favor shown to me by Him and others by treating people with the love and respect a child of God deserves.  This is done by being nice in traffic, treating customer service people with kindness, smiling at a stranger, hugging a friend, listening to a hurting soul, and in so many other ways.  As Jesus Himself said:

 

Words and actions matter.  Neither can be taken back once they’re out there.   Harsh words and actions bring pain.  Kind words and actions bring healing.  What a wonderful world this would be if only kind words were spoken and kind actions performed!

Father,

You have worked miracles in my life.

Thank You!

Remind me daily to be kind to others as others have been kind to me.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.