Emotions

Journal Entries:

August 11, 2003

“Went to Social Security office but too busy.  My supervisor told me to go in the middle of the morning tomorrow.  Talked to Pat.  My soul feels real joy like I’ve never felt before.  God is so good!  ‘Father, I love You!’”

August 12, 2003

“Finally got my Social Security card changed.  My friend from Mt. Washington called-meeting her and another friend Thursday after work for dinner.  Going to a play and out to eat with 2 other friends Friday night.  I’m getting a busy social life!  ‘Father, thank You for friends who stick by me-most of all for Jesus who never leaves.’”

August 13, 2003

"Bible study was good but home late.  Those ladies are so special.  ‘Father, thank You for new friends.’”

August 14, 2003

“Had a wonderful time with my friends at dinner-over 2 hours at Cracker Barrel.  God is so good!   I want to always stay close to Him no matter what my situation.  He is my rock and my refuge.  Praise the Lord!  ‘Father, I love You.  Let me feel Your presence.’”

August 15, 2003

“Met Tanya at Steak & Shake for lunch-good time.  Enjoyed evening with my friends-play was okay and supper was so-so but really enjoyed their company the most.  ‘Thank You for friends who care about me.  Heal me Lord.  Sometimes I hurt so badly.  I love You!’”

Words of note:

Social Security.  Name finally changed!  I remember appreciating my supervisor allowing me to leave work and go to the Social Security office.  This reminds me of a humorous incident with her.  She always received our paychecks and had them distributed by another employee.  On the first payday after my name was changed she came to my desk herself and told that when she was looking through them and saw the one for Virginia E. Holcombe she thought, “Who in the world is that?”  It took her a few minutes to realize it was my check.  She brought it to me herself so she could give me a laugh.  You’d have to know her to realize this was not in character.  She was nice but not overly friendly with her employees.  I appreciated that she took the time to share something with me that would make me laugh.  It’s the little things that often mean the most.

People.  This week is filled with people who cared about me.  I cannot express how important this was and how very much it meant to me at this time.  I had felt invisible and unloved for so long that just someone taking time to call me or have a meal with me-to spend time with me in any way, was encouraging.  This week included family, friends from my old life, and friends from my new life.  God does not tire of showing me how much He loves me. 

Hurt.  One pain-filled entry in this week that was filled with good things.  “Heal me Lord.  Sometimes I hurt so badly.”  Isn’t it wonderful to have a God who we can go to when we hurt and know that He listens and cares?  He didn’t say to me, “Ginny, just get over it.  Look at all the wonderful things I’ve blessed you with this week.”  His word tells me differently:

He cares about my pain and heartaches.  I cannot bother or annoy Him.  I cannot try His patience.  I am His child and He loves me.  All I have to do is look at the cross and know that.

Praise.  Every day my heart found something to be thankful for and to offer as praises to God.  Believe me when I say that wasn’t in my own strength that I did this.  I believe it was the gift of the Holy Spirit dwelling in me and reminding me of the gifts God had blessed me with that day.  Even in my pain I could see the love and compassion God was showering down on me because of the presence of His Spirit.  What a joy this is!

Joy.  Speaking of joy, I highlighted one sentence by itself with blue because it jumped out at me when I read it.  “My soul feels real joy like I’ve never felt before.”  My soul feels joy.  Not I’m happy or glad or giddy.  Actually, much of the time I was tired, sad, lonely, feeling forgotten, and in despair.  But deep down inside my soul that joy that only comes from God was present and it was beginning to bubble up and would one day burst into the very air around me.  That day is coming I promise and it’s still bubbling inside of me today even when I’m tired, sad, lonely, feeling forgotten, and in despair.  Because, yes, those moments still happen.  They just occur with much less frequency than they did in those days.  I can honestly say however, that joy has never left my soul.

Each day is filled with events that cause pain, hurt, loneliness, fatigue, despair, happiness, satisfaction, anger, and every other emotion I can think of.  When I give those feelings to the One who created me to experience them He takes of me.  God and God alone knows just exactly what I need when I need it and He’s never ever let me down. 

Father,

You have blessed Your child with emotions that enable me to express how I feel.

I choose to dive into the deep sea of joy that is Jesus Christ.

When I do this it overshadows every other emotion I may experience.

Thank You!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.