Get Out of the Boat in God's Time!

Journal Entries:

July 13, 2003

“The sermon today was wonderful.  A man from Texas preached about Peter walking on water-get out of the boat-take a step and God lead the rest of the way.  ‘Lord, I want to step out of the boat-reveal to me what I am to do. I take the first step right now by yielding to Your plan for me-whatever and wherever it is.’”

July 14, 2003

“This depression is getting on my nerves.  I cry so easily.  One of my co-workers even made me cry today.  I did have a wonderful evening with God.  I need to let go and enjoy my aloneness with Him, allowing Him to speak and teach.  ‘Father, thank You for forcing me to be alone with You so that our relationship may deepen more and more.  I love You!’”

July 15, 2003

“Good day!  I am doing much better-praise God!  Work was slow but I was able to talk with people.  Took my own car insurance today-one more step.  God is truly blessing me-ran into a friend from Mt. Washington and we talked for a good while.  She has been praying for me.  I know so many are praying and it means so much.  God is good.  ‘Thank You, Lord.’”

July 16, 2003

“Good day-did all the payments.  Worked on resume’.  Talked to Pat-she may be coming next weekend.  Bible study was good.  ‘Thank You for my life, Lord.  Help me to live mine for You alone.’”

July 17, 2003

“Good day.  Work as usual.  I’ve been talking a care mentor at SECC and she called to confirm our first meeting.  I had been feeling uneasy about it.  She called back and asked if I really wanted to meet; said she sensed hesitation on my part.  I am learning that when my spirit is uneasy and God gives me a way out, take it!  I didn’t go.  Now I’m feeling uneasy about going to a wedding at RV.  It seems God is telling me to make a break with my old life.  No one out there is contacting me at all.  I pray God will show me what to do.  ‘Lord please reveal to me each step I am to take.  I need a prayer partner.  Please open the right door.’”

July 18, 2003

“Short day.  Work was slow as usual.  Got my hair done and did some shopping.  I’m still struggling with whether or not to go to the wedding.  Probably won’t.  Home for a quiet evening.  Talked with my workplace mentor from SECC.  I am picking her up tomorrow-looking forward to meeting her and with her.  ‘Father, thank You for each day.  Help me to take one step at a time and to keep my eyes on Jesus.’”

July 19, 2003

“Wonderful meeting with my workplace mentor.  She and I really hit it off and she was a big help.  I look forward to getting to know her better.  We talked for over 2 hours at Shoney’s.  Home and just puttered-feeling very alone right now and like I don’t belong and don’t really matter.  I know better-it just feels that way.  ‘God, please show me where I can be useful and needed.  Help me find friends.’”

The day that jumped out at me for this week was Thursday, the 17^th.  The entry about the care mentor and ministry was important I think.  “I had been feeling uneasy about it.  She called back and asked if I really wanted to meet; said she sensed hesitation on my part.”  This is the description of this ministry found on SECC’s website:  “Within the Care Ministry, we offer specific areas of ministry designed to bring individuals, couples, and families from crisis to community. We are here to walk with you through your journey of spiritual and emotional healing.”  I was seeking help for my healing and hoped this would be one way it was provided to me.  However, I do remember feeling a sense of unease and I guess it came through in my conversation with my mentor.  I appreciate her being sensitive to my feelings and willingness to make certain I was ready.

I could have ignored my sense of unease and forged ahead with the care ministry but now I know God had something much better planned for me when His timing was right.  I wasn’t ready for this step; I needed to come to the right place literally and figuratively to begin this difficult yet wonderful journey.  I’m so thankful for the Spirit’s moving in my life to warn me when I need to stop and to encourage me when I need to step out of the boat like Peter.

 I believe I was trying to keep one foot in the boat (my old life) and one foot on the water (my new life).  That’s not a very comfortable place to be.  I wasn’t supposed to cut out all the people and memories (sure wasn’t cutting my kids, family and some friends) but anything that would hold me back as I entered this new life God had for me needed to go.  God knows what we are ready for and when we’re ready for it.  Remember:

He has made everything beautiful in its time. 

Father,

Your timing in my life is always perfect no matter the situation.

I know sometimes I grow impatient.

Forgive me and teach me to wait on You as Your word says.

Thank You!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen