Need to be Loved

Journal Entries:

November 27, 2003

“Good Thanksgiving.  Kids came.  Talked, divided Christmas decorations, and ate.  After they left I cleaned up, checked e-mails, packed, and left for Winchester to Stacy’s.  Had a nice evening with them.”

November 28, 2003

“Pat & I went shopping.  Didn’t have to leave Winchester and got a lot done.  Decorated house and tree.  Pat addressed, Stacy signed, and I licked & put address labels on 94 cards!  Watched UK win.”

My first Thanksgiving as a divorced woman.  It was very nice thanks to my family.  I actually enjoyed sharing my cozy apartment with my kids.  I had sorted through Christmas decorations and they went through and chose some from the ones I no longer wanted.  We all enjoyed the turkey, dressing, and trimmings in a comfortable lighthearted setting. No fear involved!  It was one of the sweetest Thanksgiving days we’ve had.

I remember that driving from Louisville to Winchester was nice.  There was not much traffic so the drive was quick and enjoyable as I listened to my Gaither Christmas cd’s.  Pat, Bill, and Rebecca and her family had traveled from Georgia to spend the holiday with Bill’s dad.  Spent a wonderful evening surrounded by people who love and accept me for who I am. 

Friday was just a good day.  I am not a shopper.  Never have been, never will be.  That being said, I do enjoy shopping with my sister.  We always have a great time.  It was nice shopping in Winchester in stores I don’t usually have the opportunity to visit.  It was fun.

Stacy lived in an historic home with a staircase, high ceilings, a front porch, and it was so enjoyable helping them decorate it.  He had so many family heirloom decorations that told a story and ignited memories of family who were no longer with us.  Rebecca had spent each holiday of her life in that house and it was fun sharing this one with her.  Licking and putting labels on the cards was fun because I remember laughing together as we worked. 

I think the best part of this weekend was the absence of fear and the overwhelming sense of being loved and accepted.  Isn’t that what we all want?  The truth is that no matter how much a person may love and accept me it’s not enough.  A person cannot fill the hole in my heart. 

God’s love, grace, and mercy is perfect.  He made the ultimate sacrifice for me in the life, death, and resurrection of His Son.  His presence in my life fills me with hope, joy, and peace.  I need not fear anything or anyone because I belong to Him.  I always knew this but I allowed my desire to be loved by a person to overwhelm me to the point of losing myself.  It’s only when I was willing to give up self to the love and purpose God has for me that I began to truly live. 

You can have the same.  Don’t look to someone or something else to fill that hole in your heart.  Invite Jesus in and you will be completely loved and accepted.  What an awesome way to live!

Father,

Your love is amazing!

Thank You!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen