Time out needed!

Thoughts for Cheri

November 26, 2003

“Last Saturday when I was shopping I spent a great deal of time at Lifeway trying to find presents for my grandchildren.  It gave me a headache.  Then I went to Walmart for wrapping paper and other things.  I had a few thing in my cart when I realized I hadn’t gotten anything for Carie like I meant to at Lifeway.  All of a sudden I just thought, ‘I can’t do this’, and I left my cart sitting and went home.  At first I thought it was because I was shopping alone.  But as I thought about it I realized I was just overwhelmed and it made me tired.  Sometimes the little things are harder to handle than the big decisions.”

I remember this like it was yesterday.  I made so many big decisions in those first months after my divorce that I was just worn out in the decision-making department.  I was trying to shop for my family and I don’t even like to shop!  It seemed like I walked around and around in Lifeway for hours trying to make a decision.  I don’t remember how many or what presents I bought but I do remember being exhausted when I left.  Then came Walmart.  Even choosing wrapping paper was a too much of a chore.  And then I remembered that after all that time at Lifeway I’d forgotten what I wanted to get for my daughter-in-law.  I snapped.  I stopped, pushed my cart to the side, and left the store.  I went home and cried.  I gave myself a time-out.

Sometimes it’s okay to admit defeat.  I’m human.  You’re human.  We reach our limit and snap.  It’s what we do in those moments that matters.  Here’s what I wrote in my journal that night:

“Sad day.  Went shopping-got a few things then felt overwhelmed and came home.  Watched TV & puttered-really didn’t do much.  Talked to Pat and that helped.  I must remember God follows me.  I am never alone!  ‘I love You!  Touch my life today.’”

Sometimes it’s okay to do nothing.  My mind was weary and I needed to allow it to rest and recuperate.  I didn’t yell at anyone, I didn’t pitch a fit, I didn’t throw things.  I just went home and stopped.  I rested in the One who died for me.  He said:

I love what Jesus says to His child here.  Real rest is found in His presence.  Life, even when it’s difficult, can be lived in freedom and grace.  All I need to do is come to, get away with, walk with, work with, and keep company with my Best Friend. 

I also gave myself grace that day.  Too often I beat myself up over things that really don’t matter because of what I think is expected of me.  Thankfully those of us who have Jesus in our lives have a Savior who lived what we’re living, who knows what we face and feel, and who understands our weaknesses.  He lived it and then chose to sacrifice Himself so that I can receive the grace that is greater than all my sins.  If He did that for me how can I not extend that grace to myself and to others? 

P.S.  Before I end this I want to say something about my sister.  Over the past 13 years it’s amazed me how she has called me just when I needed her.  At this time and even today I hesitate to call anyone when I am sad or depressed or hurting.  I don’t want to bother people.  However, I’m so glad God knows when I need someone and who I need.  Whenever I feel this way all I have to do is hear Pat’s voice and the tears come.  Then the healing begins.  It just happened again last Friday night.  It’s so wonderful to have someone in my life who I can trust and be real with and know she’ll speak truth while being loving and caring.  No matter what I say she will never stop loving me.  That means more than I can say to this one who lived so long with fear of rejection before being rejected.  So thank you to my sister and to God for making us sisters.

Father,

Thank You for rest in Jesus.

Thank You for grace because of Jesus.

Thank You for Jesus!

In His Name,

Amen