Patience

I posted this on Facebook today:

 “Yesterday when I was going through KFC drive through there were 3 cars ahead of me. The lady asked for my order and it didn't appear on the screen. A couple of minutes later she apologized and asked me to repeat it. I did. I pulled forward and waited my turn. When I got to the window she apologized again saying it was really hectic at that moment. She acted surprised that I wasn't angry or upset with her. I told her it wasn't a big deal and not to worry about it."

Before I go on let me say there was a time I probably would have gotten impatient and showed it. Thankfully God has worked on me in the past few years and shown me what really matters and what doesn't. Having to repeat my order when I'm sitting in my car waiting to be served is not a big deal. Her whole demeanor changed just because I was kind. It cost me nothing except a few words. No big deal. I just wonder how many opportunities to be kind and change someone's day I've missed because I've been absorbed with me and my needs.

"How many times a day does God give me to be a witness for Him? How many times a day do I miss it or blow it? Food for thought.”

Since I’m in a “quiet” week with my journal I’m looking for nudges from God on what to write about.  I had the above picture saved on my computer and when I saw it this morning I thought about my experience at KFC so I wrote about it on Facebook.  I was thinking about my blog and realized this also applies to my past and my marriage.  Not the kindness part, the waiting patiently part.

Waiting was a mixed bag for my ex and me.  I could wait for him for hours and hours and it was all right.  I learned to not express frustration or anger if I had to wait.  I brought a book, people watched, slept, etc. to pass the time away.  This was before cell phones or tablets with games.  I felt and stuffed my anger deep inside.  It was not healthy.

If he had to wait for me for 5 minutes it was too long.  I can still feel the apprehension and sometimes downright fear I felt when I realized an errand I was running was taking longer than it should (not my fault) and he was waiting in the car.  I remember being gone from home to the grocery or other errands and being fearful I wouldn’t get home when expected.  I always heard about it in the most unpleasant ways.  I learned to adapt.  If I couldn’t do anything about the delay I prepared myself for the consequences as best I could.  It just became a fact of my life.

Like in other areas that were affected by ex I swung all the way to the other end of the pendulum when my marriage ended.  I became impatient whenever I had to wait on anyone or anything at any time.  It’s only been in the last couple of years that I’ve noticed a change in myself.  I’m less stressed when I have to wait.  I’m less judgmental of people who make me wait.  I’ve developed ways to cope when I’m waiting.  It’s been very freeing.

Confession time:  The one place I’m still quite impatient is in my car.  I figure the person I’m yelling or fussing at can’t hear me and to be honest, sometimes it helps me let off steam.  I don’t do anything to create road rage in the other person but I do express myself to myself.  I’ve asked God to work in me in this area too because He sees and knows what I do even when I’m alone.  What I do when I’m alone reflects who I am when I’m with others.  His word says:

I still feel that impatience too often when I have to wait.  However, I’ve learned to recognize it and, most of the time, deal with it.  Sometimes I find it necessary to explain to those who’ve known me a long time why I’m doing what I’m doing.  I’m not trying to rush them; I’m calming myself.  

My family will tell you I have a lot of my dad in me.  He was definitely not a patient “waiter”.  That’s why I know it is God working in me because it’s not in my nature or my upbringing to be patient.  Every time I catch myself doing it is a victory that I celebrate with my Father.  It means He’s still working on and in me. 

I like this quote:

God uses the hard things in my life to conform me to His purpose.  He teaches and changes me through the big and little trials and difficulties I face each day.  The fact that He’s working on me means I’m His child and He loves me.  What sweet assurance this is to this seeking child!

Father,

Patience.

Not one of my gifts.

It is a fruit of the Holy Spirit Who lives in me.

Thank You for pruning me so that this fruit sweetens my witness.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen