Through It All

I stayed home from work yesterday because I was sick.  This may not seem like a big deal to many people but for me it is.  Let me explain.

When I was growing up one of my fondest memories is of lying on the couch and being taken care of by my mom.  I remember Jell-O and Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup and feeling safe and warm and loved.  One of my favorite memories is during my recovery after having my tonsils removed.  I didn’t crave ice cream like many do.  The thing I remember that tasted the best was my mom’s bread and gravy.  Maybe it was the warmth and softness but to this day that’s one of my comfort foods.

Flash forward to my adult years.  Being sick was almost a sin.  There was no coddling by my husband.  I did manage to create a comfortable setting for my kids when they got sick (which was not often, thank the Lord!) even though it did get more difficult as they got older because he expected them to be working too.  But for me if I wasn’t sick enough to be flat on my back in bed I was well enough to work.  There was no sympathy or tender care offered by my ex.  I realize now this was from the way he was raised but it hurt and it ingrained in me a fear of calling in sick when I began working in the public arena. 

This April will be 14 years since my marriage ended.  With God’s help and the wonderful support and counsel of many people I’ve overcome many issues that arose in the years I was married.  However, for some reason the aversion to calling in sick is still with me.  I feel like I’ll be punished if I do.  I know that I won’t because I work at a wonderful place with great people and sick day’s benefits but that old dread lingers. 

Yesterday I woke up with 101+ (closer to 102) temp, stuffy nose, sore throat, sneezing, coughing, and can’t breathe.  The only reason I didn’t go to work was the temp because I figured I was contagious and didn’t want to infect anyone else.  I still felt guilty about it.  Kinda sad isn’t it.

You might wonder why I’m blogging about this.  This is the week when nothing in my journal stood out so I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.  When I thought about it this morning I realized there is a lesson to be gleaned from this experience.

So many things are ingrained in us from our life experiences.  These can be positive or negative, helpful or harmful, good or bad.  It can be done through actions or words that create confidence or insecurity, courage or fear, self-esteem or self-doubt, life or death.

Life or death?  Yes, it is that important.  Our actions and words can determine if someone lives life to the fullest or dies a little inside and just exists.  I realize that even with all the good things God gave to me when I was married I was just existing.  Words had drained the life out of me over time.  The lack of love and true affection made me feel worthless.  My children were what I lived for and that’s okay.  But they grew up and left home.  As they should.  I needed more and it was there all the time.  Faith.

I know now that my faith in God that was always there is what sustained me and brought me through those days.  There has always been an underlying current of faith deep in me that’s carried me through many days of trials and sorrows.  You notice I said through, not out of, away from, under, or over.  Through.  That’s the word.  No matter what our past or present God gets us through.  We are not worthless.  Jesus gave His life for us.  His life, death, and resurrection bring us through this fallen world to a place in His kingdom.  This song says it so well:

Just a thought:  it always amazes me where God takes me on these posts.  Most days I start out with a preconceived idea or no idea at all on what I’m going to say and most days where I end up is miles away from where I started.  I wrote earlier that there was a lesson to be learned from my sick day experience.  Hmmm?  Even I didn’t know what that lesson was until God revealed it to me as I wrote.  Every day is a journey filled with unexpected lessons from my Father.  I just need to open my life to Him.  I love it!

Father,

Your love is amazing!

Thank You!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen