Thoughts for Cheri:
November 5, 2003
“Cheri asked me if I was ready to think about the good times we had in our marriage and family. There were some good times. Vacations were few but we kind of enjoyed the two or three we had. Holidays, birthday, and other special occasions were times of enjoyment. Sometimes on Saturday of Sunday afternoons we would get in the car and drive to a new area and just sight see. Those were good times.”
“However, no occasion or activity was totally enjoyable. First, it was usually what he wanted to do. We very rarely got to choose the event or activity. If it was something the kids or I wanted to do he would be in a bad mood and complain most of the time. In fact, my sister told me at Praise Gathering this year that if we had still been together she would not have asked us the use the 2 tickets because he would have complained the whole time. She was right!”
“Even if we were having a good time the underlying fear that we would do something wrong or something would happen to upset him and it would be ruined was always there. It was like walking on eggs. It usually was ruined. I asked my kids separately what their feelings were about any good times we had and they each responded with, ‘He ruined them’.”
I became rather
sad while reading over this. Even today,
all these years removed, these are still my thoughts. I cannot remember one time that was totally
enjoyable. “Vacations were few but we kind of enjoyed the
two or three we had.” If my
memory is correct (which at my age is questionable) J we only took two vacations in
32 years. One was to visit Pat and Bill
in Mississippi and we stopped at Opryland on the way home. The other was a driving trip through
Missouri. I can’t remember another
one. Like I said, sad.
“…my sister
told me at Praise Gathering this year that if we had still been together she
would not have asked us the use the 2 tickets because he would have complained
the whole time.” I didn’t realize
at the time how freeing these words were to me.
It wasn’t just my kids and me who saw this. I had been brainwashed into thinking that I was
the problem. It may sound funny but I like the fact that
my family still welcomed him and treated him kindly at family events even
though they didn’t enjoy his company. They
had no idea how he treated us because we hid it well. They just knew he was my husband and the
father of my children so they welcomed him.
That’s the love of a family, isn’t it?”
“Even if we were
having a good time the underlying fear that we would do something wrong or
something would happen to upset him and it would be ruined was always there. It was like walking on eggs. It usually was ruined. I asked my kids separately what their
feelings were about any good times we had and they each responded with, ‘He
ruined them’.” This hurts my
heart when I think about my kids growing up with this. It
would be easy for me to live in regret and recrimination that I didn’t do
anything about it. However, praise be to
God I’ve been forgiven by Him and my kids and have forgiven myself.
Forgiven. What a beautiful word! Most
days I’ve forgiven my ex. Most days I’ve
forgiven myself. Everyday I’m reminded I’m
forgiven by God. It’s in that reminder
that I’m able to ask Him to help me forgive again. I realize that my ex really doesn’t care if I
forgive him or not. The only one it
hurts is me. Unforgiveness makes one
bitter and angry. Forgiveness is
freeing.
“It may sound
funny but I like the fact that my family still welcomed him and treated him
kindly at family events even though they didn’t enjoy his company. They had no idea how he treated us because we
hid it well. They just knew he was my
husband and the father of my children so they welcomed him. That’s the love of a family, isn’t it?” The love of a family. My family has shown me more love over the years
than I could ever deserve. Even when I’m
not easy to love because of all my issues they still loved me. Over the past 13 years they’ve shown me a
love that has supported, encouraged, and uplifted me every day. I would not be the woman I am today without
my entire family: Children, sister,
brother, brother-in-law, grandchildren, nieces, and nephews. I’ve also been supported by friends who are
family because of our relationship with Jesus and the fact that they have
exemplified the love and support He talked about for His followers.
Father,
I am so undeserved of
Your forgiveness yet You give it freely.
Thank You!
Remind me of this
when I’m tempted to be unforgiving.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen
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