I Surrender All

Thoughts for Cheri continued:

November 5, 2003

“Several of my friends have asked me how I lived like that for so many years.  I tell them about the frog that was placed in the kettle of cold water on a stove.  Then the heat was turned on and the frog eventually was boiled to death.  I was that frog.  I just got used to it and thought that was how it was supposed to be.  In the last few years I began to think differently.  Something was wrong; I wasn’t cherished or treated like a wife should be.  I started asking God to change my marriage, my husband, and me.  He did.  He was in the process of showing me how to be a better wife and mother by using Proverbs 31.  I believe He was convicting my husband but that Satan was also working on him and Satan won.  He could have chosen to confess, repent, and allow God to work a miracle in our marriage and family.  I believe he knew me well enough to know that if he had done this and given me the choice I would have chosen counseling to try and save our marriage.  He didn’t want that so he gave me no choice.  I do pray for him that God will work a miracle in his life."

“I’m ready to move on to the hard questions.  I want to face my past and learn from it.  I want to become the person I was created to be and fulfill the purpose God planned for me.  I am both scared and excited about the journey I am on, but I know I am not taking it alone.  God is with me every step of the way and He has placed some wonderful people in my life to help me.  I am ready to fly!”

I started asking God to change my marriage, my husband, and me.  He did.  This is what stands out to me as I read these paragraphs.  It doesn’t really matter what the circumstances were or are.  What matters is that I sought God and He answered.  When I started seeking His help my desire was for Him to “fix” my marriage.  And I know He could have worked His miracle in our lives.  However, it does take two to tango and my ex didn’t want to dance.  He already had another partner in the wings. 

God didn’t heal my marriage but He did heal me.  Even though it has been an extremely painful and difficult process He delivered me from a toxic relationship into a wonderful life.  When I read today's entries I recalled that  in my quiet time this morning I read Psalm 40:

He truly did take me out of a slimy pit and set my feet on firm ground.  What a blessed reminder from my God of what He has and is doing in my life.

I trusted in Jesus when I was 9 years old.  I’ve always had a great faith even in those difficult years.  I believe that my life was firmly set on the foundation of my faith in Jesus Christ since that day.  However, that day that I asked Him to change me was the day Jesus became Lord of my life. Since I surrendered all to the One who surrendered all for me my life is no longer my own. 

I am in the hands of the One who loves me most, my Blessed Savior.  There is not a better place to be than set firmly on the Rock of Ages.

“I’m ready to move on to the hard questions.”  With God’s guidance and Cheri’s help I did move on to the hard questions.  I am still learning and growing because as a child of God I believe that continues until the day this body of flesh dies and I am raised to new life.  It’s rarely an easy journey but it’s always rewarding when I leave the destination and travel plans in the hands of God.  Who is your travel agent on this life journey?  I hope it's the One who knows the path best.

Father,

You hear my cry day or night and You answer.

You always do what’s best for me no matter the circumstance.

Thank You for the joyful and painful times You’ve used to conform me to Your will.

That’s the best place for me to be.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.