On Saturday
April 5, 2003 I awoke to a different world.
A new day brought a whole new life for me. For the next few days I didn’t write in my
journal. I did spend a great deal of
time talking to God and He listened.
I remember a sense of calmness and well-being those first few days. Later I will share times of despair but I know
God protected me whatever my situation.
That morning “that
man” (as my family took to calling him) needed to come in, take a shower, wash
his clothes (I certainly wasn’t going to do that anymore!), prepare food for
the next week (again, not me!), etc. I
shut myself up in the office while he was in the house. I needed time to begin processing things and I
couldn’t do it in his presence. My
circumstances may have changed but my need to protect myself and withdraw had
not.
Looking back on
it I’m able to see one of the things that happened while I was sitting in the
office in a humorous light. He actually
came in the office and asked me if I was ready to walk around the house and
divide up the furniture. The day after
his bombshell! Amazing. As I remember my response was, “No, leave me
alone!” And he did. I never did do that. When I moved out I just took what I wanted.
That morning my
son, daughter and her fiancée, and our pastor and his wife sat around the
dining table talking. I don’t remember
much of what was said but I do remember my pastor saying, “We expected you to
be more upset.” To be honest, although I
was sad there was a sense of relief because things hadn’t been right for so
long and I didn’t have to pretend any more.
Yes it hurt but I also felt like that after holding my breath for so
long waiting for the other shoe to drop it had and I survived. I could finally breathe.
After they left
I didn’t want to stay at the house while he was there so I jumped in my car and
drove to my friend’s house. I couldn’t
find anyone at home so I drove to the nearest town. I had no idea where I was going but somehow I
ended up at Walmart of all places.
I need to share
a little background before I tell you what I did at Walmart. We never had much money while I was
married. I always felt guilty when I bought
anything for myself and would not spend much on clothes, shoes, or anything
else.
Back to my
story. There I am wandering around
Walmart with no particular purpose in mind finally ending up in the shoe
section. I decided to try on shoes and
ended up buying a pair of pink tennis shoes.
Don’t ask me why tennis shoes. I
believe there must be some psychological reason for this purchase but today I
see an act of defiance or independence by a woman who just needed to vent. By the
way, I never did wear those shoes!
I couldn’t go
home knowing he was there at least till Sunday afternoon. I decided to drive back to my friend’s house
to see if I could find her. She welcomed me with
open arms. We sat sat side by side on her couch as
I told her everything. She was angry and
upset for me and very kind and caring to me.
I told her I dreaded going home so I ended up sleeping in a recliner in
her living room. The kindness and
respect I received from her family is something I will never forget.
We didn’t have
cell phones and I had no way to let my kids know where I was. To be honest I really didn’t think about them
being concerned about me. I just need
refuge. Sometime that weekend the phone
rang and my friend said, “Yes, she’s here.”
My son who was in Virginia found me in a house in the country in
Kentucky. When I asked him how he said, “I
have my sources.” That’s all I ever got
out of him. In retrospect I’m sorry I worried
them but it’s nice to know someone cared enough to track me down.
I returned to
the house Sunday evening. My world may
have changed but I still had to go to work on Monday. One of the best things about my job was that
my daughter worked at the same place so I would not be alone when I shared what
had happened with my co-workers. My son,
daughter, and I came together that evening to love and support each other.
The waters were deep
but I was never alone. God held my hand,
guided my steps, and provided who and what I needed just at the right
time. As you will see, He has done so to
this very day. The journey has been one
of mountains and valleys with a winding path but He has led me every step of
the way. His hand has never let go of me
and His love has surrounded me in ways that I could never have imagined on that
weekend in April 2003. I wouldn’t have
missed the trip for anything and I’m looking forward to sharing my memories with
you. I pray you may be blessed in some
way if you choose to walk down memory lane with me.
Tomorrow: Monday comes
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