Tiny Rays of Sunshine

The Wedding!

Journal entry April 26, 2003

“Finished up Tanya’s dress.”

April 28, 2003

“Not a real good day—down—but Tanya’s shower at work was nice.”

April 30, 2003

“’Lord, help me to get through the next 2 days—to honor You and to be there for Tanya—make this time special for her.’”

May 1, 2003

“”Off work.  Pat, Rebecca (niece), and Carter (great nephew) are at Ann’s.  Pat & I went to pick up cakes and to rehearsal.  It went well.”

May 2, 2003

“I left for R.V. for wedding.  H. was there-it was hard.  Had a great time with Tanya, Michelle (matron of honor), Michelle's daughter, and Wayne (Tanya’s soon to be stepson).  Wedding was wonderful.  It was a wonderful and difficult evening all rolled into one but it was great for Tanya and Roger.  Now I take care of me for a while.”

As I read my journal searching for wedding entries I was a little amazed that I hadn’t written more about it.  I took some time to think about that.  I had to remember that I was living in my friend’s basement while trying to help my daughter with her wedding and figuring out my next steps.  In looking at what I wrote in that week I saw I didn’t write much.  Thinking back I believe I allowed myself to live in the moment, enjoying this time with family and friends.  I wrote about the important things:

• having lunch with my kids and friends
• driving around looking at apartments
• watching Gaither videos
• talking to friends and family on the phone and by e-mail
• watching a Liz Curtis Higgs video
• packing up stuff at the house
• and several sweet conversations with Ann

In other words, I was living life in the moment.  I look at all the blessings God gave to me in the midst of this sad difficult situation.  I look at the glimpses of life He gave to me as a promise of what He was going to do in, for, and with my life.  I see the people He provided to walk alongside of me every day.  He is so good!  Lamentations 3:22-23 came to mind:

God has proven this time and time again in my life, not just after my divorce but during those days of my marriage when things were not what they should be between a husband and wife.  During those moments I doubted that I was worthy of being loved by anyone I somehow knew I was loved by my heavenly Father.  After my marriage ended He lavished His love on me in ways that I still can’t comprehend.  He still is.

I haven’t forgotten this is about my daughter’s wedding.  It truly was a beautiful day.  She was surrounded by family and friends who loved her.  The simple yet deeply felt vows reminded me that love does exist.  The support of others for me that night helped me to enjoy Tanya’s special day.  My friend Judy went above and beyond by organizing the reception even to the point of leaving the church to buy the ingredients we forget for the punch.  What a true friend!

One of my favorite moments happened when Tanya was getting ready.  My sister’s husband Bill (there will be much more about this man later) was the best at tying bows in our family.  Tanya wanted him to tie the bow on the back of her wedding dress.  Bill went Home in 2013.  I’m so grateful for this picture because it shows the kind caring man he was. 

Through the twists and turns of this path called life I’ve learned it’s the small blessings that make my heart sing the loudest.  Yes, big blessings are wonderful but if we don’t take time especially on the dark days to see the tiny rays of sunshine God sends into our lives we miss so much.  If we focus on the light of God the darkness will dissipate with the rising of the Son.