Remembering Day One

            I recently pulled out my journal pages from 2003. I've tried to read them before but I just wasn't ready. Now it seems that God is leading me to walk the road of remembrance so that I can move forward on the path He's laid out for me.  There are many scriptures that call on us to remember what the Lord has done for us in the past. One is Psalm 77:11-12:

I will remember the Lord’s works; 

yes, I will remember Your ancient wonders.

I will reflect on all You have done

and meditate on Your actions.

 I decided to start with April 1, 2003, three days before my world turned upside down. At 10 p.m. that day I wrote:

"I am on the verge of tears and I am not sure why. I am lonely-I miss my husband. I felt alone at revival tonight even though I was with friends.  I have more friends than I've ever had but it still seems like something is missing...I sense God moving...God has been impressing on me the thought that I must get my focus off of self and on Him...I want to deepen my relationship with Him.  I want to be enveloped by His love and presence.”

Wow!  To look back and see how God was preparing me for what was about to happen is amazing.  I remember feeling so alone and abandoned at this time.  I remember a deep desire to fill the empty places in my soul and life.  I remember being directed to scripture that spoke to my need and answered my cry for God’s presence.  I remember a sense of expectation that washed over me. 

At the time of course I had no idea of what awaited me in the days to come but my heavenly Father did and He had already been preparing me for the pain and sorrow I would experience.  What a comfort it is to remember that no matter what may happen tomorrow my God already knows and He has it.  He has me in His loving arms and no thing, no person, no circumstance can ever pull me out of His grasp.

Where can I go to escape Your Spirit?
Where can I flee from Your presence?
If I go up to heaven, You are there;
if I make my bed in Sheol, You are there.
If I live at the eastern horizon
or settle at the western limits,
 even there Your hand will lead me;
Your right hand will hold on to me.

Psalm 139:7-10

Remembering to be continued: