Anticipation

Moving On

Journal Entry May 18, 2003

“Hard day-went to SECC and felt so alone and lonely.  Back to Ann’s-ate and cried a lot!  Decided to drive out to Judy’s to take the presents.  Kay, girls, and Alex were there.  It was good to see them.  Had a great visit with Judy.  We went to Hometown Pizza and the Dollar Store cause she wanted to buy me a few things.  Turned out to be a good day.  When I was at my lowest I gave it to God and He answered.  He is so good!  ‘Lord, thank You for friends but most of all thank You for my best Friend Jesus!’”

May 19, 2003

“Work was okay.  Went out to house with Tanya.  Cleaned inside of car while she packed stuff.  I got more stuff together.  Babe is so sad-it makes me hurt. ‘God please take care of him.’  (Babe was our dog. More about him later.)  My heart hurts so badly.  I still don’t understand but I’m trusting God.  ‘Father, help me!”

May 20, 2003

“Filled out application to join SECC.  One day closer to moving.  ‘Father be with my friend who is hurting today.’”

May 21, 2003

“Spent evening packing up stuff and washing clothes.  Talked to Pat.  I am so ready for Saturday-Tim reserved a truck-I will be so glad to get in my apartment.  ‘Thank You Lord for all Your blessings-especially for Your presence and leading in my life.’”

May 22, 2003

“Shareholders meeting so we had to dress up-long day.  Bought a vacuum.  Packed all stuff and in car.  I am so ready to move!  ‘Thank You Lord for new beginnings!’”

As I wrote these daily entries I was reminded of the uncertainty of my situation at this point in my life.   However, I also noticed a reoccurring theme of anticipation of what was to come.

a feeling of excitement about something that is going to happen
the act of preparing for something

From Judy giving me things for my apartment to packing up stuff to buying a vacuum, I was moving on with my life.  I know that in the days to come I would reflect on the past in order to heal from deep wounds.  It’s just good for me to see that from the beginning I was depending on God and I was not allowing myself to stay stuck in the mire of past decisions.  Each day in the midst of the pain and unknown at least one thing happened that gave me hope for the next minute, hour, day, or week.  I could only imagine what it was going to be like just to have my own place, to make my own decisions, to live my life the way I choose to live it.  I can say that there is no way in 2003 that in my wildest imagination I would have pictured all that God has done in and for me life since that week. 

This anticipation helped me move on with my life but there is an anticipation that encourages me daily to live my life in a way that pleases God. The greatest anticipation I have is to be in the presence of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  One day I will have the privilege of standing before Him and truly giving Him the worship, praise, and honor He alone deserves.  I do not believe that my wildest imaginings can portray what that will be like.  I'm thankful Bart Millard wrote and sang this inspiring message with Mercy Me. Listen and imagine.