Journal entries:
June 28, 2003
“Spent most of day shopping for an outfit and found nothing. I felt down again. I realized Saturdays are tough ‘cause we usually spent the day together. ‘How could he, Father? It hurts-please take this terrible pain. Thank You. Help me to dwell on You and Your word.’”
June 29, 2003
“Took a mini-retreat for myself. Stayed home and spent time in God’s word and w/music & just listening to Him. I needed this-it was wonderful. Tomorrow I go to court and I know it will be hard but I have many people praying for me. ‘Father, help me to look at You and not at my circumstances.’”
The weekend
before court. When I read these entries
as usual I see God’s love and provision for me during this time. First of all, and this may seem like an odd
thing to say, He allowed me to feel the pain.
If you don’t feel pain you don’t know you need to heal. I sure knew I needed to be healed and I’m thankful
I know the ultimate Healer. My prayer
indicates that knowledge when I asked Him to take the pain away. And He did.
Not right then because I had a journey to complete before the terrible
pain was gone. It has taken years but
the intensity of the pain has diminished and the comfort of His presence has
increased immensely.
Secondly, there
are still days when the pain comes backs a little. Those days I think about what could have been
and wonder why my marriage had to be the way it was. On those days I again cry out to God and He
again reminds me of His forgiveness, love, mercy, and grace. He reminds me of where I am today and of the
understanding and empathy I have for others because of what I’ve
experienced. I also realize that my
relationship with Him would not be as deeply intimate if I hadn’t walked this
path of rejection, restoration, and revitalization. He really is my All in all. I agree what this says:
Sunday. It’s amazing how well I remember this day
over thirteen years later. My cup was empty and I knew I needed
time alone with my Father. I read
scripture and found promises of God’s presence and provision. I watched Gaither videos and soaked in the
words, music, tears, and laughter they provided. I nestled in the refuge that God had provided
to me. It was my haven of rest. That day with my Abba filled my cup to
overflowing so that I could weather the emotional storm that was about to make
landfall.
The hope, joy,
and peace He placed in my life that day carried me through the coming week as God
gave me a time to prepare for the tempest that would slam into my life. And it was coming!
Father,
It amazes me as I look
back to see how You always know just what I need just when I need it.
Then I’m amazed at my
amazement because You are God!
Enable me to share with others the amazing hope You bring into my life every
day.
Thank You!
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen
No comments:
Post a Comment