Journal entries:
June 22, 2003
“Wonderful Bible study and worship. Went to lunch with friends from Bible study. I am still struggling. I feel like I want to go home but I don’t know where it is. I know this world is not my home but I also know I am to be content. I don’t want this sadness and fear-I want God’s peace and joy. Had a nice talk with Carie and Haley. Watched 101 Dalmatians and laughed. That was good for me. ‘Lord, please help me to surrender all to You. Give me Your joy and peace-take away sadness and fear. I love You’”
Home. It can mean different things to different
people. When I reflect on my life I realize
that for most of my marriage I never felt at home. The only thing that made feel at home was the
presence of my kids. Otherwise I always
felt like an outsider, someone who didn’t really belong. Let me say there were people not in the family
I married into who accepted and loved me and showed it in many ways. I realize now that they were the ones whose
friendships helped me survive and even grow in those years. I don’t know where I would be today without
those gifts from God. I just remember
always having this deep longing for home.
“I feel like I want to go home but I don’t know where it is.”
In my journal I express that same longing for home and the frustration
of not knowing where home is. I liked my
apartment. I felt safe and comfortable there. Many people had shown and were showing me
love. Yet, I longed for home. Why? I
believe the answer to this is found in the words of Jesus:
“I know this world is not my home but I also know I am to
be content. I don’t want this sadness
and fear-I want God’s peace and joy.” To provide this contentment, peace
and joy I believe God gives us glimpses of home in family members who love and
accept us just as we are. He provides
the fellowship of sisters and brothers in Christ who share a common bond with
us. As wonderful as these blessings are
the truth is we are not at home in this world.
Once we accept Jesus as Savior our citizenship is firmly set in
heaven. Jesus Himself is preparing a
place for us. How amazing is that!
So many people today
are lost looking for home. The rooms of
this world are temporary and fail miserably to satisfy our longing for
home. Money, fame, sex, power, sports,
people, etc. are all shallow pretenders that seek to woo us away from the place
that is and the One who is truly our home. The room in which we will reside in heaven is
home.
I am content in
my life today. God has placed me in a
wonderful place with family, friends, dog, apartment, and job that I truly
enjoy. I’m rarely sad and can say I’m
truly at peace. However, that being said,
I still long for home. As I age my body
is wearing out. The things of this world
do not hold the same attraction that they once did. People I love have departed this world and
are with Jesus. I want to be there
too. As long as God leaves me here I will
do my best in service to Him. However, I
am waiting with anticipation the day He calls me home!
Father,
What a joy it is to know that Your Son is preparing a place for me in Heaven.
I want to do my best for You while I'm in this world so please help me.
When I grown weary remind me that my home is waiting for me.
Thank You!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
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