Peaceful Past, Purposeful Present, Hopeful Future

Journal entries

June 30, 2003

“What a day.  I am now divorced-I don’t want to be but it is a fact of life.  God truly was with me thanks to the prayers of His people.  H. looked bad I thought-looks hard and old.  I am trying to pray for him.  I will get the money in about a month.  Stopped at Meijer’s and got flowers, ice cream, veggies, and fruit.  Talked to Tim, Tanya, Pat, and two friends called me.  I really feel good now.  I think I have survived the worst.  I know I have more to do but God is leading.  Praise God!  ‘Father, thank You for Your presence in my life.’”

July 1, 2003

“Work was okay.  I had some sad times today but I’m doing better.  I felt like the apartment was ‘home’ for the first time today.  I’m enjoying my evenings with the Lord.  I spend time reading His word and talking to Him just as I would my husband.  And He listens!  He cares!  ‘Thank You for being my Husband.  Help me to dwell in Your presence.’”

July 2, 2003

“Work was good.  I accomplished all I had to do today.  Bible study was good.  They are such sweet ladies.  They seem to be fairly new at this but they are genuinely searching.  I’m learning by just listening.  I believe God is teaching me to listen better.  I cried some tonight but not as much.  The pain is easing or at least not lasting as long.  ‘Father, thank You for Your presence as I go through this valley.’”

Words in red.  I have to laugh when I read them.  “I really feel good now.  I think I have survived the worst.”  “I had some sad times today but I’m doing better.”  “I cried some tonight but not as much.  The pain is easing or at least not lasting as long.”  I guess it’s true that what you don’t know won’t hurt you.  At least it was in this case because the worst was yet to come.  I think it was similar to being in shock after an injury.  What I always had thought was the worst thing that could happen in my life had happened and I survived!  But guess what?  There would be much worse times ahead.  Moments when I really just wanted to give up so it would stop hurting.  Days when I didn’t think I could take another step.  Painful sad lonely days.  I look back now and realize it was a good thing that I didn’t know what the future held.  The worst was yet to come.

Words in green.  “I know I have more to do but God is leading.  Praise God!”  “I felt like the apartment was ‘home’ for the first time today.  I’m enjoying my evenings with the Lord.  I spend time reading His word and talking to Him just as I would my husband.  And He listens!  He cares!”  “Bible study was good.  They are such sweet ladies.  They seem to be fairly new at this but they are genuinely searching.  I’m learning by just listening.  I believe God is teaching me to listen better.”  Sweet times given to a wounded daughter by a loving Father.  Knowing God was leading me.  Feeling at home in the place He had provided for me while spending time with Him.  Fellowship with other women who were seeking God from different vantage points and life circumstances. Thankfully there Have been and will be many more good times in my life.  The best is yet to come.

Words in blue.  “Father, thank You for Your presence in my life.”  “Thank You for being my Husband.  Help me to dwell in Your presence.”  “Father, thank You for Your presence as I go through this valley.”  Notice a theme running through these words lifted to God.  “Your presence.”  It makes my heart sing to see that even then I had an awareness of my need for to God to be with me as I live out each day.  There’s a Gaither song “Sweeter As the Days Go By” that perfectly expresses what His love and presence means to me:

The more I trust Him, the more I love Him

Nothing good for me He'll deny
The longer I know Him, the better I can show Him
I couldn't stop now if I tried

It gets sweeter as the days go by
It gets sweeter as the moments fly
His love is richer, deeper, fuller, sweeter
Sweeter, sweeter, sweeter as the days go by

Oh, the moment He saved my His good grace He gave me
He place His love down deep in my heart
There's great joy in knowing with Him I am going
And never more from Him to depart

It gets sweeter as the days go by
It gets sweeter as the moments fly
His love is richer, deeper, fuller, sweeter
Sweeter, sweeter, sweeter as the days go by

It gets sweeter as the days go by
It gets sweeter as the moments fly
His love is richer, deeper, fuller, sweeter
Sweeter, sweeter, sweeter as the days go by

Sweeter, sweeter, sweeter as the days go by

Father,

Thank You that Your love truly does grow sweeter each moment that I spend in Your presence.

I honestly don’t know where I’d be today without You.

Thank You for bringing peace to my past, purpose to my present, and hope to my future!

I love You so!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen