Hands and Feet

Journal entry:

October 17, 2003

“I wrote my feelings and e-mailed them to Cheri. (cont.)

“I think I took another positive step Monday the 13th. I have been wearing my mother’s ring with my kids’ birthstones in it on my left hand where my wedding rings were. I moved it to my right hand. Up till then I felt like I had to have something on that finger. It feels like a major step to me, an acknowledgement that the marriage is over and I am single. I’m surprised that it actually feels good.”

“I will say that I hate being divorced. I don’t hate not being married to him because I don’t ever want to live like that again. I just hate the image the divorce conjures up in my mind. I never thought I would be a divorced person. I know it’s know my fault and that biblically I’m okay. I guess this is just another area to deal with.”

“I know I’m making progress. I’m glad I decided to write these thoughts. It’s helping me to remember, clarify, and deal with many things. I’ll continue to do this.”

       The ring. Seems like a small thing but it I remember how difficult it was. It wasn’t difficult to take the wedding rings off. I did that immediately the first night. It was difficult to not have a ring on that finger. I’d worn them for 32 years. I’ve stated before that I had a certain pride in being married and those rings represented that to the world. It made me sad when I looked at that ringless finger. I think I wore the ring representing my kids because it reminded me of the best that came out of those years.

       I remember the first day I went to work without a ring on that finger. No one fainted or pointed or ridiculed me in any way. No one even noticed. My friends and coworkers saw me. They didn’t shun me for having a naked ring finger. This may seem silly to some but for me like so many other experiences during this period it was freeing. Being able to conquer the smallest issues helps when the major ones hit.

      Divorced. All these years later I still don’t like being divorced. (I always hear Tammy Wynette sing when I say or type DIVORCE!) J I will say it has given me a greater understanding of and sympathy for those who have walked this journey. What some people don’t understand is that divorce is a death. A marriage once so full hope and life has died. It’s sad and it’s hard. The stigma that still goes with being divorced in some circles it difficult to cope with too. A person going through divorce walks through the grief process just as someone who experiences the loss of a loved one. The problem is often they walk it alone. I’m so grateful for family and friends who not just walked with, but on occasion carried me throughout this journey. God calls us to be His hands and feet and they certainly have been and still are that for me.

      If you or someone you know is going through a divorce or has been through one and has not dealt with the consequences, please seek out someone you can talk with, cry with, and heal with. Jesus is always with us if we have Him as our Savior. However, He asks each of us to be there for those who are hurting. I am available on this blog, Facebook, or at rejectedrestoredrevitalized@gmail.com for any woman who would like to contact me. My heart’s desire is to minister in the name of Jesus to women who are hurting just like I’ve been ministered to over the past 13 years.

Father,

You are my comfort and my refuge.

What a joy it is to know You are always with me.

Thank You for those who are willing to be Your hands and feet.

Thank You for the opportunity I have to give others the comfort You’ve given to me.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.