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E-mail to Cheri about Praise
Gathering continued:
“One of the sessions I attended was with Lisa Harper. I really liked her and got to meet and talk to her. She’s doing a retreat at my sister’s church in February and I’m going to try to go.”
“The people I was with were great. I felt welcome, included, and cared for the whole time. I did have 4 times that were hard. Two times were at meals when the checks were divided. One time it was two couples and me and I paid my own bill. The other time each couple paid for their own and my brother-in-law paid for me. I felt out of place. Nothing they did, just the situation.”
“The third time also had to do with food in a way. Is there a theme here? I had the best room. King-sized bed, easy chair, and desk; and the most room so 13 adults and 2 babies met there for lunch on Friday and Saturday. It was fun. However, Saturday I got really sad when they were there. They were taking pictures of the babies with everyone and they did include me. But again, it was couples and me. I started tearing up and did cry. I was lonely even though I was with people who love me. I missed my kids and grandkids. They saw how I was and asked if I needed someone to stay and I said no. I really needed to be alone. Funny, after they left I was still sad but didn’t cry much. It was almost a relief to be alone. Does that make sense?”
“Come to think of it the 4th time had to do with food again. Does this signal a problem to you or is it just a coincidence? Anyway, we met at the mall food court Saturday evening before the final concert. Again, couples, babies, and me. We ate and my sister, brother-in-law, her daughter and family left to do some shopping. I stayed with the others but felt uncomfortable, not because of them but me. I left and walked alone to the convention center. I enjoyed the walk and talked to God all the way.”
“Writing this has made me realize the hard times
were when the fact that everyone else was a couple was emphasized by the
situation.
Other times I was by myself, with just a few people, or just one
person. We all sat together at the
concerts but I was between Hilda and a new friend I had just met most of the
time and I was concentrating on the concert.”
Let me start by
saying that meeting Lisa Harper was a God thing. There will be much more about her in later
postings but right now I’ll just say God has used her to impact my life in a
wonderful say for which I’m extremely thankful.
Loneliness. I have learned over the years that I am
lonelier in a crowd than I ever am when I’m alone. Seeing couples who have great marriages made
me sad. These couples I was with were
example of the relationship that should be in a marriage ordained by God. I realize in reading this e-mail that I was
often lonely in my marriage. I don’t believe
he was ever “with” me the way a husband and wife should be even when we were
together. That’s really sad. I identified with the psalmist at this time of
my life:
I want to
emphasize what I said in the e-mail about the way I was treated by these special
people. They always sought to make me
feel loved, wanted, and included. They
never ever made me feel like I was in the way or didn’t belong. My feelings had nothing to do with them. It was due to my circumstances, to my heart
pain I was experiencing. I am forever
grateful for the caring and love they gave and still give to me today.
“Funny, after
they left I was still sad but didn’t cry much.
It was almost a relief to be alone.”
Being alone has never been a
problem for me. Pat tells me that even
as a child I would spend hours in my room playing by myself. As a teenager I would lock myself in my room
and pretend I was on stage with the Beatles!
(I’ve never told anyone that before.) J During my marriage I felt safest when I was
alone or just with my kids but even then there was an almost suffocating sense
of fear hanging over my life. Yet in
some strange way I found my security in being “married”. I put that in quotation marks because I did
have a ring on my finger and I was a Mrs. but I wasn’t married in the true
sense of the word. I’m not sure why I
took such pride in being a wife when my marriage was so bad. But I did.
“I left and
walked alone to the convention center. I
enjoyed the walk and talked to God all the way.” The best part about being alone is
the conversations I have with God. I
have them when I’m with others but when I’m by myself I can be so much more
vocal. I sing praises, shout glory, yell
if I’m angry, or just carry on a running conversation with Him. It’s marvelous!
The lesson that
has stayed with me from this experience is to be sensitive to and aware of
people who are alone in crowded places.
Church on Sunday morning can be the loneliest place in the world if no
speaks to you or sits with you. I still
experience that sometimes today.
Watching families leave as they talk about going out to eat can
intensify the sadness a person feels when they know they’re going home to an
empty house or apartment to eat by themselves. It can
also be tough for those who are in difficult marriages. There’s just something special about sharing
a meal with others when you feel wanted and loved. At Praise Gathering when we were all eating
together I was fine. It was when my
aloneness was magnified that I hurt. I’ve
had to learn to seek out others who need a friend. That’s not always easy but I’ve learned there
are many who would love for someone to reach out and pull them into their
circle of friends and family. You just
have to open your ears to God, your eyes to see, and your heart to welcome them
in.
One of the
greatest promises I have found in God’s word is:
He has certainly done that for
me. I love my family with all my
heart. My children, grandchildren,
sister, brother, nieces, and nephews, mean more to me than I can say. If I needed any of them they’d be here for me.
However, because of where we live I don’t
see them as often as I’d like. Friends who
have become family are very special to me but many of them live a distance away
also. That’s why I’m so thankful to be God’s
child. He has set me in a family of
believers around the world. Wherever I go
I find family.
He’s also set
me in a family called Porter Memorial Baptist Church. I’ve learned over the
past years that when I have a need all I have to do is ask and one of my
brothers or sisters in Christ will answer the call. He
even allows me to work there among my family.
This local church is a family I can depend on just like my blood
relatives. Actually we are all blood
relatives bound by the shed blood of Jesus Christ and adopted into the family
of God. What a privilege and blessing
our Father has bestowed on us; to be part of the family of God!
You will notice we say "brother and sister" 'round here-
It's because we're a family and these folks are so near;
When one has a heartache we all share the tears,
And rejoice in each victory in this family so dear.
I'm so glad I'm a part of the family of God-
I've been washed in the fountain, cleansed by His blood!
Joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this sod,
For I'm part of the family, the family of God.
From the door of an orphanage to the house of the King-
No longer an outcast, a new song I sing;
From rags unto riches, from the weak to the strong,
I'm not worthy to be here, but, praise God, I belong!
I'm so glad I'm a part of the family of God-
I've been washed in the fountain, cleansed by His blood!
Joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this sod,
For I'm part of the family, the family of God.
Yes I'm part of the family, the family of God.
The
Gaithers
Father,
You see the lonely
heart of Your child.
Remind each person
who feels alone that You never leave us.
Move Your children to
minister to the lonely as Jesus does.
In His Name,
Amen
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