Remember:

Thoughts for Cheri

April 24, 2004

“At this particular moment I feel at peace, but tired or drained might be a better word.  Does that make sense?  I don’t even want to try to make friends.  I feel like no one wants to get to know me but instead of feeling worthless and unlovable like before I feel like it’s their loss.  Is that an improvement?  Maybe the next step will be to be comfortable with who I am so I can be comfortable around others and not try so hard.  Hey, I think this is one of my epiphanies!  What do you think, Cheri?”

“I’m holding fast to my faith.  I know God has a plan for me and He is working.  I think I just need to relax right now and keep checking job opportunities and apartment possibilities and see what doors He opens.  Sounds like a plan to me!”

“I don’t even want to try to make friends.  I feel like no one wants to get to know me but instead of feeling worthless and unlovable like before I feel like it’s their loss.  Is that an improvement?  Maybe the next step will be to be comfortable with who I am so I can be comfortable around others and not try so hard.  Reading this took me back to the time when I felt invisible to everyone.  For years I believed that no one really knew me or wanted to know me.  I was made to feel like I wasn’t worth the effort it would take to know me.  I felt very unforgettable.  This made me try too hard to make friends and to be hurt when “I felt” unwanted.  I emphasized I felt because I know now that’s where the problem was.  I wasn’t comfortable with myself so how could I believe anyone else would be!

When I speak about being comfortable I’m not talking about being satisfied and not wanting to grow and change.  I’m talking about being content with who God created me to be and with the circumstances of my life at a given moment.  I know now that I can only change and grow when I accept who I am and allow God to work in me.  I cannot do it myself.  I can say with the Psalmist:

 

If God’s word tells me this I certainly must believe it!  When I accept and believe this I don’t worry about what others think or if they want to be my friend.  I live my life to please God and leave all that stuff to Him.  It’s very freeing.

“I’m holding fast to my faith.  I know God has a plan for me and He is working.  I think I just need to relax right now and keep checking job opportunities and apartment possibilities and see what doors He opens.  Sounds like a plan to me!”  My faith in God is what brought me through this time of testing.  And I do believe it was a test.  God does allow things into our lives to help us grow.  This song says it perfectly.

THROUGH

When I saw what laid before me,
Lord I cried what will You do
I thought He would just remove it
But He gently led me through

Without fire there’s no refining
Without pain no relief
Without flood there’s no rescue
Without testing no belief

Through the fire,
Through the flood,
Through the water,
Through the blood.
Through the dry and barren places
Through life’s dense and maddening mazes
Through the pain and through the glory
Through will always tell the story
Of a God whose power and mercy
Will not fail to take us through

Written by Gloria Gaither, William J. Gaither and Michael Sykes
Hanna Street Music (BMI)///Mal ‘N Al Music (ASCAP)

I’ve learned to love the word “through”.  It’s in those moments that God has worked miracles in my life.  He still is today.

“What do you think, Cheri?”  This is probably my favorite phrase in this whole post.  This reminds me of how wonderful it was to have this young lady in my life.  She would read these thoughts and respond as God led.  Her willingness to obey Him started me on the right path in this sometimes difficult, often wonderful, but always exciting journey. 

I never know where God is going to take me when I start writing this blog each day.  The main lesson I glean from today is that my life is all about my relationship with God, how He created me, how He only allows tests and trials that will help me to come into my life, and how He walks with me through those times.  My part is to call out to Him and listen to His voice.  I can trust His love for me.

If you are His child because you’ve trusted in the blood of Jesus Christ to cover your sins and restore your relationship with Him, you have the same access to His blessings and guidance. 

If you’re not His child, if you’ve never met this One called Jesus, please seek Him out.  He’s waiting for you.  You are loved!

Father,

Your love is so amazing.

Thank You for the people and events You’ve allowed into my life that have deepened our relationship.

Thank You most of all for Jesus.

In His Name I pray,

Amen