Am I open to God?

Journal Entry:

November 30, 2003

“Good day of worship and fellowship.  Quiet afternoon.  ‘I love You, Lord!’”

Simple but meaningful entry.  I want to concentrate on two words.  First:

Worship:  “The reverent love and devotion accorded a deity, an idol, or a sacred object.”

Anything people place first in their lives is what they worship.  Unfortunately even many who claim to be Christian allow the things of this world to displace God as the object of their worship.  We make the created to be more sacred than the Creator.  I think everyone is guilty of this at one time or another.  We allow a spouse, a child, a celebrity, sports, a job, fame, money, a pet, a possession, and I could go on and on, to become a sacred thing in our lives and hearts.  We give our time, talents, and money to that thing.  It consumes us.  The problem is none of those idols can satisfy.  That’s why so many turn to addictions to satisfy that deep longing that only God can fill.  I must be open to His presence and leading in my life.  That’s why it’s so important to stay connected to Him through prayer, scripture, and worship with a body of believers also known as the church. 

This leads to my second word:

Fellowship:  “The companionship of individuals in a congenial atmosphere and on equal terms.”

This is the world’s definition of fellowship.  However, Christian fellowship is much deeper.  The word Koinonia is used in the New Testament to describe the fellowship that should be present among those who follow Jesus Christ. 

Koinonia:   “A Greek word that occurs 20 times in the Bible. Koinonia’s primary meaning is ‘fellowship, sharing in common, communion.’ The first occurrence of Koinonia is Acts 2:42, “They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.” Christian fellowship is a key aspect of the Christian life. Believers in Christ are to come together in love, faith, and encouragement. That is the essence of Koinonia.”

Worship of God and Christian fellowship do not just happen.  It’s not the preacher’s or the teacher’s, or anyone else’s responsibility to cause me to worship.  I must prepare my heart, soul, and mind by spending time with God in prayer and in His word.  Fellowship occurs when I open myself to God’s leading and love.  If I go to church with an attitude of what’s in it for me or with the expectation that everything that is done from teaching, to music, to the sermon is all about me I am not worshipping as Jesus said I must.

 

 

It’s not about me; it’s about Him!  When I am worshipping in spirit and in truth my countenance will reveal it to those around me and hopefully will be an encouragement to them.  I’m thankful for the people who have done this for me over the years.  This Sunday I wrote about 13 years ago was a gift from my heavenly Father as have been so many in the years before and since.  The worship and fellowship have given me tiny glimpses of what an eternity in heaven will be like.  I can’t wait!

Father,

I am so grateful for the privilege of worship and fellowship with my sisters and brothers in Christ.

Open hearts to Your presence to be true worshipers as Jesus Himself described.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen

Birthday

Journal Entry:

November 29, 2003

“Tanya’s birthday!”

I love the fact that my entry about Tanya’s birthday back in 2003 fell on her birthday in 2016.  This gives me the opportunity to talk about my baby girl.  Here’s what I posted on her Facebook page this morning:

“Happy Birthday to my baby girl! That's who you are no matter how many birthdays you celebrate. Love ya bunches!”

This is so true.  God blessed me with three great kids who have become great adults.  Even though they are all grown up in the eyes of the world when I look at them I still see those precious little babies, toddlers, and even teenagers who make my life complete.

Since today is her birthday I want to talk about Tanya Lyn.  She was a surprise to say the least.  I was a 25 year old mother with 2 boys, one age 3 years and the other 4 months when I found out I was expecting again.  Yes, my younger two are 11 months, 10 days, 23 hours, and 59 minutes apart.  (Tim was born on December 18, 1975 @ 1:31 p.m.; Tanya on November 29, 1976 @ 1:30 p.m.). I didn’t know until the day she was born if I was having boy or a girl.  It really didn’t matter to me but I was thrilled when God chose to bless me with a beautiful baby girl.

I will have to say that while I dressed her in cute frilly girly clothes that didn’t last long.  She was raised on a dairy farm with 2 older brothers and she certainly learned to take care of herself.  She helped with the farm chores just like they did. 

As far as her bothers were concerned it was the old story of they could pick on her all they wanted but don’t dare anyone else hurt her.  To this day you don’t want to mess with my daughter because her brothers taught her will how to defend herself.

She also stands up for those she loves.  She protects her family fiercely.  She is wonderful wife, mother, sister, niece, cousin, daughter, and daughter-in-law.  It’s this last one I’m particularly proud of right now.  Her mother-in-law recently suffered a severe stroke and Tanya has been there for her and for her husband from day one.  She puts others first and willingly does what needs to be done.  And best of all, she has given me a beautiful granddaughter to love.  I’m am blessed beyond measure!

My kids lived in the same environment I did with the underlying and ever-present fear.  All three will tell you it affected them but I will tell you all three of them have overcome and are leading productive meaningful lives.  All three have known Jesus as Savior since they were very young and all three still live lives seeking to serve and to follow Him.  That’s the thing I’m most proud of and happy about.

Again, I want to say Happy Birthday to my beautiful daughter.  She has brought more joy and happiness into my life than she can ever know.  Best of all she is now not just my daughter but my friend.  I am truly blessed among women!

Father,

There are no words in my vocabulary to express my gratitude for these three gifts of love:

Hal, Tim, and Tanya.

Today on the day of her birth I’m especially thankful for my baby girl.

 Bless her on this day and every day after.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen

Need to be Loved

Journal Entries:

November 27, 2003

“Good Thanksgiving.  Kids came.  Talked, divided Christmas decorations, and ate.  After they left I cleaned up, checked e-mails, packed, and left for Winchester to Stacy’s.  Had a nice evening with them.”

November 28, 2003

“Pat & I went shopping.  Didn’t have to leave Winchester and got a lot done.  Decorated house and tree.  Pat addressed, Stacy signed, and I licked & put address labels on 94 cards!  Watched UK win.”

My first Thanksgiving as a divorced woman.  It was very nice thanks to my family.  I actually enjoyed sharing my cozy apartment with my kids.  I had sorted through Christmas decorations and they went through and chose some from the ones I no longer wanted.  We all enjoyed the turkey, dressing, and trimmings in a comfortable lighthearted setting. No fear involved!  It was one of the sweetest Thanksgiving days we’ve had.

I remember that driving from Louisville to Winchester was nice.  There was not much traffic so the drive was quick and enjoyable as I listened to my Gaither Christmas cd’s.  Pat, Bill, and Rebecca and her family had traveled from Georgia to spend the holiday with Bill’s dad.  Spent a wonderful evening surrounded by people who love and accept me for who I am. 

Friday was just a good day.  I am not a shopper.  Never have been, never will be.  That being said, I do enjoy shopping with my sister.  We always have a great time.  It was nice shopping in Winchester in stores I don’t usually have the opportunity to visit.  It was fun.

Stacy lived in an historic home with a staircase, high ceilings, a front porch, and it was so enjoyable helping them decorate it.  He had so many family heirloom decorations that told a story and ignited memories of family who were no longer with us.  Rebecca had spent each holiday of her life in that house and it was fun sharing this one with her.  Licking and putting labels on the cards was fun because I remember laughing together as we worked. 

I think the best part of this weekend was the absence of fear and the overwhelming sense of being loved and accepted.  Isn’t that what we all want?  The truth is that no matter how much a person may love and accept me it’s not enough.  A person cannot fill the hole in my heart. 

God’s love, grace, and mercy is perfect.  He made the ultimate sacrifice for me in the life, death, and resurrection of His Son.  His presence in my life fills me with hope, joy, and peace.  I need not fear anything or anyone because I belong to Him.  I always knew this but I allowed my desire to be loved by a person to overwhelm me to the point of losing myself.  It’s only when I was willing to give up self to the love and purpose God has for me that I began to truly live. 

You can have the same.  Don’t look to someone or something else to fill that hole in your heart.  Invite Jesus in and you will be completely loved and accepted.  What an awesome way to live!

Father,

Your love is amazing!

Thank You!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thoughts for Cheri

November 26, 2003

“I really enjoyed the Thanksgiving supper at church.  I have never enjoyed or felt as welcomed at a church event before.  People actually invited me to sit with them.  Several expressed concern and made sure I had plans for Thanksgiving.  I felt confident and capable.  It felt wonderful.  I feel like I am becoming the new person with this new free life full of possibilities that I can handle.  It is amazing!”

“I really enjoyed the Thanksgiving supper at church.  I have never enjoyed or felt as welcomed at a church event before.  People actually invited me to sit with them.  Several expressed concern and made sure I had plans for Thanksgiving.”  I’m happy this came up today, the day before Thanksgiving.  Before I say more let me explain that I had great times at church events before.  Friends in both churches I attended while I was married were sweet and wonderful to me.  However, the difference was in me.  I was always on edge and feeling like I didn’t belong.  No one knew what my life was like and many of these people have been extremely supportive and loving once they discovered what I had been through.  Several have said they wished they had known so they could have helped.  I’m just thankful for the way God changed me and placed me in a church with such loving people while I healed.

For someone who once felt worthless and unloved this was a special event.  I remember so many people warmly greeting me.  I was invited to sit with my friend and her family.  It’s hard for a single person to walk into events like this not knowing where to sit or if anyone will even notice you.  Events where families are so visible can cause pain and heartache when you’re alone.  Often the loneliest place in the world is in a crowd.  I’ve found that so often over the years, even while I was married.  So to walk into this room and feel wanted and loved was a meaningful moment.

Reading the words ‘I felt confident and capable.  It felt wonderful.  ’ these years later gives me a warm feeling.  It had been a long time since I felt that way.  This was only 7 months into my journey of healing and restoration and look had far God had already brought me.  He is amazing, isn’t He? 

“I feel like I am becoming the new person with this new free life full of possibilities that I can handle. It is amazing.”   This was a moment that mattered.  I still had rough, sad, and some angry days ahead of me.  I still do because I’m living life in this broken world.  But for the first time I had hope for myself because of God’s great love, mercy, grace, and provision.  I felt new and full of what could be.  When you’ve felt hopeless with overwhelming searing pain in your life this first spark of encouragement ignites a fire in you that the Holy Spirit can fan into your heart a flame that spreads from you to others as you live your life as a reflection of the true Light Jesus Christ. 

In this Thanksgiving season I am abundantly thankful for the life God has given me through and because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and the gifts of His Spirit.  My prayer for each of you is that you know have a relationship with Jesus.  Everything else, good, bad, or indifferent, pales in comparison to knowing Him as Savior, Master, Redeemer, and Friend.  There truly is something about that name!

Father,

Thank You for the hope that is found in the name of Jesus!

In this season when we’re recalling all of our blessings He is the most and best!

Open hearts, minds, eyes, and ears to this truth.

In the blessed name of Jesus,

Amen

Time out needed!

Thoughts for Cheri

November 26, 2003

“Last Saturday when I was shopping I spent a great deal of time at Lifeway trying to find presents for my grandchildren.  It gave me a headache.  Then I went to Walmart for wrapping paper and other things.  I had a few thing in my cart when I realized I hadn’t gotten anything for Carie like I meant to at Lifeway.  All of a sudden I just thought, ‘I can’t do this’, and I left my cart sitting and went home.  At first I thought it was because I was shopping alone.  But as I thought about it I realized I was just overwhelmed and it made me tired.  Sometimes the little things are harder to handle than the big decisions.”

I remember this like it was yesterday.  I made so many big decisions in those first months after my divorce that I was just worn out in the decision-making department.  I was trying to shop for my family and I don’t even like to shop!  It seemed like I walked around and around in Lifeway for hours trying to make a decision.  I don’t remember how many or what presents I bought but I do remember being exhausted when I left.  Then came Walmart.  Even choosing wrapping paper was a too much of a chore.  And then I remembered that after all that time at Lifeway I’d forgotten what I wanted to get for my daughter-in-law.  I snapped.  I stopped, pushed my cart to the side, and left the store.  I went home and cried.  I gave myself a time-out.

Sometimes it’s okay to admit defeat.  I’m human.  You’re human.  We reach our limit and snap.  It’s what we do in those moments that matters.  Here’s what I wrote in my journal that night:

“Sad day.  Went shopping-got a few things then felt overwhelmed and came home.  Watched TV & puttered-really didn’t do much.  Talked to Pat and that helped.  I must remember God follows me.  I am never alone!  ‘I love You!  Touch my life today.’”

Sometimes it’s okay to do nothing.  My mind was weary and I needed to allow it to rest and recuperate.  I didn’t yell at anyone, I didn’t pitch a fit, I didn’t throw things.  I just went home and stopped.  I rested in the One who died for me.  He said:

I love what Jesus says to His child here.  Real rest is found in His presence.  Life, even when it’s difficult, can be lived in freedom and grace.  All I need to do is come to, get away with, walk with, work with, and keep company with my Best Friend. 

I also gave myself grace that day.  Too often I beat myself up over things that really don’t matter because of what I think is expected of me.  Thankfully those of us who have Jesus in our lives have a Savior who lived what we’re living, who knows what we face and feel, and who understands our weaknesses.  He lived it and then chose to sacrifice Himself so that I can receive the grace that is greater than all my sins.  If He did that for me how can I not extend that grace to myself and to others? 

P.S.  Before I end this I want to say something about my sister.  Over the past 13 years it’s amazed me how she has called me just when I needed her.  At this time and even today I hesitate to call anyone when I am sad or depressed or hurting.  I don’t want to bother people.  However, I’m so glad God knows when I need someone and who I need.  Whenever I feel this way all I have to do is hear Pat’s voice and the tears come.  Then the healing begins.  It just happened again last Friday night.  It’s so wonderful to have someone in my life who I can trust and be real with and know she’ll speak truth while being loving and caring.  No matter what I say she will never stop loving me.  That means more than I can say to this one who lived so long with fear of rejection before being rejected.  So thank you to my sister and to God for making us sisters.

Father,

Thank You for rest in Jesus.

Thank You for grace because of Jesus.

Thank You for Jesus!

In His Name,

Amen

What is Normal and do I want to be it?

Journal Entries:

Thursday, November 20-26, 2003

In reading over the entries from these days I was struck by how “normal” my life was.  Work, home, counseling, shopping for birthday presents for friends, chores, worship, activities with friends, choir, paying bills, grocery store, and so on.  Only one day did I mention that I had a “sad day”.  Every other day was “good day” or “wonderful day”.  Not one mention of the word “fear”!  Praise God!

After having lived with that underlying sense of fear for so many years I love recalling these first experiences of days without fear.  Tomorrow I’ll write more about the sad day but for now I want to focus on “normal”. 

What do I mean by normal?  I can assure that if you talk to my kids, my sister or brother, my nieces and nephews, and my friends, not a one will say I’m normal.  I’m not even sure what normal is.  And I certainly don’t want to be normal but more about that in a minute.  The normal I’m talking about here is a day without fear.  A day doing things an adult does on any given day.  A day where the sweet and good moments are not tinged with the thought that I might do something wrong and get into trouble.  A day when I’m in charge of myself.  It’s so freeing.  These days meant so much to me because they signified what God was doing in my life.  They were signs of progress and gave me hope for the future.  I’m so thankful for the record of these normal days.

Now as far as being normal I don’t believe there is any such person.  We were all created in the image of God and He certainly isn’t normal.  He created each of us to be unique representations of Him in His world.  Sin messed this up but He sent His Son Jesus Christ to live as an example, to die for my sins, and to rise from the grave to bring me eternal life.  When I believe, accept, and place my faith in Him he makes me wonderfully unique.  Our uniqueness becomes something wonderful when we allow Jesus to take over our lives and magnify the gifts given to us by our Creator. 

God’s word tells me that my uniqueness comes in the gifts and talents He placed in my before I was in the womb. 

He created me for a purpose and He did the same for you.  We find that purpose and our own distinctive personality in Jesus and our service to His Kingdom.

I know and love many wonderful people and I wouldn’t say that even one of them is normal.  We are all special in ways that only be described as God given gifts.  So embrace the wonderful you God saw before He formed you in your mother’s womb.  Embrace the amazing you Jesus inspired when He entered your life.  And if you don’t know Jesus as Savior, Lord, and Friend seek Him today.  He will be found. He will deliver you from the cocoon of fear or doubt or whatever it is that has you bound today.  I know because He surely allowed me to break free from fear and to soar like a butterfly!

Remember:

Father,

Thank You that I am not normal but I am made in Your image.

Thank You for Jesus who restored my purpose through His life, death, and resurrection.

Thank You for enabling me to break free from the cocoon that confined my life.

Keep me soaring for Your kingdom.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen

Whose life am I living?

Thoughts for Cheri

November 19, 2003

“I also see how my personality is changing.  I took the personality test at SECC in May of this year.  The results were that I was a peaceful phlegmatic.  I took it again this week on my own.  I prayed before I started that God would direct me in answering and that I would be as honest as I could be with where I am right now.  The directions said that if you had trouble answering to think of what you would have said as a child.  I thought of myself before 1963 on several of the answers.  This time I came out heavily as a popular sanguine.  Besides Cheri and Pat, Dolores is probably the person I have most revealed myself to lately and she probably knows me better than most anyone else does.  Without any prompting or talking beforehand I asked her to read the descriptions of each personality and to tell me where she thought I fit.  She said when she first met me I was phlegmatic.  In the past few months, however, she has seen more the sanguine in me.  I see the test I took this week as being a mixture of who I have been and who I am becoming.  It hurts some to know that I allowed him to inhibit the person I was meant to be.  It is exciting and scary to discovering that person.”

Here are charts that describe these two personalities:

There is nothing wrong with either of these personality types.  We can be a mixture of more than one.  For instance, I know I’m not an extrovert.  Yes I love talking to people, making friends, and having fun.   However, one trait of extroverts is that being around people energizes them.  Not me.  I NEED my quiet time in the evenings to recharge for the next time.  I love my alone time.  I do avoid conflict as often as possible.   I’m definitely an introvert. 

However, most of the description is right on.  I am a talker and very much the optimist.  I enjoy embracing life in a childlike way.  I do live in the present most of the time.  I do enjoy receiving compliments.  I love to tell stories and am usually cheerful.  I hope I bubble over with the joy.

The problem comes when we allow someone or something in this life to change the person God made us to be.  That’s what happened to me.  I lost me.  That’s sad.  God creates each individual with the gifts, talents, and personality needed to be the person He desires to use in this world.  However, Satan seeks to destroy that person in any way possible.  If he can prevent God’s created child from living out God’s plan he has won the battle.  I hate that he won that battle in my life for over 32 years.  I love that God delivered me and has restored to me the life He meant for me to live.  I love this promise:

“It hurts some to know that I allowed him to inhibit the person I was meant to be.  It is exciting and scary to discovering that person.”    I’m so thankful God loves me so much that He did not keep me in that inhibiting environment but He delivered me and restored me to abundant living.  Thanks to His love, mercy, and grace I have spent the past 13 years rediscovering the child in me, that little girl who lived life with joy and passion.  I love this quote:

This is my desire.  Even though I’m slowed some by age and health issues I still find that He gives me the energy and strength needed to live this life of reckless abandon for Him.  And He gives me the rest when needed.   Who am I?  I am a child of the King, created in His image, redeemed by His Son, restored by His grace, living a life of reckless abandon for His purpose, and loving every moment of it!

Father,

Creator, Redeemer, Restorer, God!

Thank You for this life You’ve entrusted to me.

Teach me to walk wisely with reckless abandon.

I do love You so!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen

Childlike Faith as an Adult

Thoughts for Cheri

November 19, 2003

“I also realized today as I was running some errands at lunchtime that for the first time I am beginning to feel like an adult.  Does this make sense?  I wasn’t allowed to be an adult.  My ex acted more like a parent than a husband.  What an amazing and freeing thought.  Maybe this is why I’ve never thought I belonged in the adult or mature world.  I always felt like other people knew something I didn’t know or had something I didn’t have.  That is changing.  I am becoming more confident in making decisions and doing things I want or need to do.”

“I also realized today as I was running some errands at lunchtime that for the first time I am beginning to feel like an adult” I remember this like it was yesterday.  It happened in a Kroger parking lot on Shelbyville Rd. in Louisville, KY.  I was walking to my car when the thought hit me hard that “I feel like an adult”.  I don’t know what it was about that particular day or trip to the store that triggered that but it was a strange feeling.  I had raised 3 kids, taken care of a household, graduated from college with honors, helped run a dairy farm and a trucking business, worked various jobs, and filled various church positions and I still didn’t feel like an adult!  Crazy.

Looking back at this I believe I’ve figured out the problem.  Even though I’d done all those things I always felt like I had to get someone’s permission or approval before I made a decision, made a purchase, or did anything at all.  

“My ex acted more like a parent than a husband.”  This sentence is the heart of the matter I believe.  I was treated more like a child would be than a wife should be.  I didn’t know how to make decisions for myself.  I realize now that’s one of the reasons that on the Saturday after my ex ended our marriage I went to Walmart and bought myself a pair of shoes.  It was rebellion, a show of independence!  

 “I am becoming more confident in making decisions and doing things I want or need to do.”  God has done a wonderful work in my life in this area.  In fact, a few years ago when I had to buy a car I told my kids that I wished someone would just find one for me, do all the paperwork, and I’d pay for it.  It wasn’t that I couldn’t make a decision, I’ve made many over the past 13+ years, I was just tired of making them by myself. 

That last statement needs amending.  I do not make decisions by myself.  I try to live by this:

When I find myself fretting about a decision I remember these words and I turn it over to Him.  That doesn’t mean I just sit and wait.  I’m in the midst of making a life-changing decision right now.  I’m gather information, seeking guidance from people I trust, and using the sense God has given me as a guide.  However, I am asking and trusting Him to provide His clear answer when the time is right.  God has never disappointed me.  He has always shown me the way in His time.  He will do so in this situation.

One of the ironies of this for me is that the more I become an adult, responsible for my own decisions, the freer I feel.  The older I get the more my inner child emerges to allow me to enjoy the life God has given to me.  The more childlike my faith is the stronger it grows.  Jesus did say:

Today I choose to be an adult who makes decisions based on my childlike faith in God.   I like that!

Father,

Thank You for instilling in me childlike faith while teaching me how to be an adult.

Thank You for hearing my prayers, seeing my needs, guiding my thoughts.

Your love is amazing!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

Mind Games

Thoughts for Cheri

November 19, 2003

“Cheri asked me to focus on 2 Corinthians 10:5.  I think this applies to fear.  I need to take it captive because it is a thing that is being raised up against the knowledge of God.  One commentary I read stated that ‘We live in a time when the mind is deemphasized and the needs of the individual elevated—so much that our generation has been dubbed the me generation.  By contrast, Paul affirms that the mind matters.  Indeed, it is so crucial that he focuses all his efforts on taking every thought captive and making it obey Christ.’  This is what I need to do with this feeling of fear.  It is just a feeling.  God’s truth is that I have nothing to fear because I am a child of God.  I must do as the verse says and destroy this fear by giving it to God.  When I start to feel it or think on it I need to bind it and give it to Jesus as a captive.  This is war with Satan and the thoughts he gives to me must be taken prisoner and presented to my Commander.”

“Lord, I take this fear and dread that is consuming me and I bind it with Your word and with prayer and give it to You.  You alone can release me from this bondage.  I reject Satan and submit to You.”

I’ve already discussed how Satan uses fear to discourage and deter me from serving God.  This is what I’d like to focus on today:  “One commentary I read stated that ‘We live in a time when the mind is deemphasized and the needs of the individual elevated—so much that our generation has been dubbed the me generation.”  This is even truer today I believe.  In our culture it seems to all be about “me”.  What’s in it for me?  What good will I receive from doing this?  How will this affect my life?  We even have ‘safe places’ for people who have their feelings hurt.  This is not just political, it’s in almost every aspect of life including too many churches.  We’re afraid of hurting people’s feelings so we don’t tell them the truth of the gospel. 

Jesus certainly wasn’t afraid to tell it like it is. 

He didn’t ever worry about how people would feel about what He said or did.  He obeyed His Father and spoke the truth.  We need to get back to that today.

“By contrast, Paul affirms that the mind matters.  Indeed, it is so crucial that he focuses all his efforts on taking every thought captive and making it obey Christ.”  I have learned over the years that my feelings can fool me.  I believe that’s what Satan uses the most to attack us.  If he can make us “feel” unloved, unworthy, unwanted, etc. he can keep us from living life as God desires.  He places these thoughts in our minds and we dwell on them instead of on what God has said.  What are we to think on?  His word tells us:

We do this by taking the negative thoughts captive and allowing Jesus remove them and replace them with His thoughts.  We become obedient to the One who suffered, bled, and died for us.  We obey the One who is preparing a place for us and who has promised to return to take us Home. 

I know it’s an oxymoron to say that when we place ourselves under His control we are free but it’s a fact.  You just need to trust.  You can pray as I did, “Lord, I take this (whatever Satan uses to attack you) that is consuming me and I bind it with Your word and with prayer and give it to You.  You alone can release me from this bondage.  I reject Satan and submit to You.”  He will answer.

Remember, Satan likes to play mind games with God’s people.  Thankfully, when we trust Jesus to be our Savior the game is won and victory is assured.

Father,

You replace negative thoughts with Your truth.

Jesus defeated Satan and evil on the cross.

Because of this I can live victoriously.

Thank You!

In His Name,

Amen

When Fear Comes Knockin'

Thoughts for Cheri 

November 19, 2003

“I’m struggling with this feeling of dread and fear in the pit of my stomach.  It has been present for over a week now.  Sometimes I’m more aware of it than at other time but it is always present.  I know that it is of Satan; I have rebuked him and asked God to deliver me but it is still there.  I wonder if the realization that my problems are fear based has anything to do with this.  Is Satan using this to discourage and distract me from God’s leading and message to me?  It is not going to work.  I am focusing my eyes, heart, mind, and soul on God.  With His help I will overcome.  Jesus has won the victory already; Satan has been defeated.  I will not let this feeling deter me even if it never leaves me.”

“I’m struggling with this feeling of dread and fear in the pit of my stomach.  It has been present for over a week now.  Sometimes I’m more aware of it than at other time but it is always present.  I know that it is of Satan; I have rebuked him and asked God to deliver me but it is still there.”  Okay, so I asked God to deliver me from fear and He didn’t.  To be honest, I still struggle with that old fear in the pit of my stomach today, just not as often or usually as intense as it was back then but it still pops up often at the strangest times.  Why didn’t He answer me immediately?  Why hasn’t He delivered me to this day?  I believe Paul gave us the answer to that question in 2 Corinthians 12:7-9.

Fear is my thorn in the flesh.  It’s the thing Satan tries to use to keep me from serving God.  Some days he tries to use it just to keep me from functioning at all.  The thing is, those are the days I lean heaviest on God’s grace and power because, just as Paul said, that is sufficient for me.  Those are the times my faith grows deeper and sweeter.  These times remind me Who really knows best.  

“Is Satan using this to discourage and distract me from God’s leading and message to me?  It is not going to work.  I am focusing my eyes, heart, mind, and soul on God.  With His help I will overcome.  Jesus has won the victory already; Satan has been defeated.  I will not let this feeling deter me even if it never leaves me.”  I’ve learned to view this feeling of fear as a positive because if Satan is attacking me I must be doing something to annoy and/or threaten him.  I like that.  He leaves alone those already in his camp and he doesn’t bother with lukewarm or cold Christians.  I like this quote:

I for one am willing to experience a tiny slice of what my Savior suffered for me if it annoys the enemy.  After all Jesus suffered His thorn in the flesh for my eternal salvation.  How can I do less for Him? 

And by the way, God did answer my prayer.  He didn’t remove the fear but He gives me what I need to overcome it when it rears its ugly head.  His way is always best.  What an amazing God we serve!

Father,

My life would be easier without the fear that attacks me.

My life would be more comfortable with the fear that overwhelms me.

You never promised ease of comfort but You have promised to be with me always.

Because of this my life is more wonderful that I could ever imagine.

Thank You!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen

When fear comes knocking let faith answer the door:

It's Friday and the weekend's coming!

Didn't feel like writing today so I thought I'd share some cuteness:

And a warning:

and my wish for you:

And last but not least:

Thank You Lord for weekends!

Give us each a day of worship, rest, and fellowship.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

Faith or sight?

Journal Entries:

November 17, 2003

“That feeling won’t go away but I refuse to let it control me.  I am walking by faith-faith in the Creator who loves me and only does and gives what’s best for me.  God is good!  ‘I love You!’”

November 18, 2003

“I am fighting that fear-it will not win.  Dolores and I talked quite a bit.  I’m so glad to have a friend like her at work.  I’ve never had that before.  ‘Thank You, Lord!’  I said ‘Yes’ to God before bed.  Whatever He asks I say ‘Yes, Lord, yes!  I love You, Lord!’”

I smile when I read these positive entries in my journal.  Even though I was walking through a valley at this time my faith held strong.  This is not a credit to me.  My loving Father gave to me the gift of faith before I was born.  I’ve always known that God would take care of me.  And He always has.

“That feeling won’t go away but I refuse to let it control me.  I am walking by faith-faith in the Creator who loves me and only does and gives what’s best for me.”  Walking by faith and not by sight does not mean I blindly go my way through the world.  It means I see through eyes of faith based on God’s promises and His assurance that He’s with me no matter what.   It means remembering that He’s never failed me yet.  It means knowing that He sees and knows everything from the beginning of time to the end.  It means trusting what I read in His word.  Romans 10:17 says:

You cannot follow directions if you don’t listen to them.  This is true in any endeavor but especially when it comes to living the life God has generously and lovingly prepared for you.  Read His word, spend time in prayer listening more than talking, and allow the Holy Spirit to be your guide.  Open your life to Him.  You will be transformed into the person God want you to be.

“Dolores and I talked quite a bit.  I’m so glad to have a friend like her at work.  I’ve never had that before.”  Dolores is a sweet Christian lady who I worked with at my job in Louisville.  She and I became fast friends and were able to support each other through some major and minor life events.  Her friendship helped me learn that I could be honest about my feelings and struggles with someone and not be rejected.  She also gave me the opportunity to be a friend and an encourager when she faced trials and struggles.  We all need that in our lives, don’t we?

Wherever you go, whatever you do, whoever you’re with in this journey of life make certain God is the One guiding you.  Listen to His word, follow His leading, and walk by faith.  The surprises He has planned for you will bring a smile to your face and joy to your heart.  I know.  He does it for me every day.

Father,

Thank You for the gifts You give each day.

Thank You for the blessings of faith and friendship.

Thank You for surprises that make me smile.

Thank You for joy that never ends.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen