Who's Your Boss?

Thoughts for Cheri:

November 13, 2003

“Today is the worst day in a bad week.  Nothing has happened but I’m really struggling.  I hurt so bad I just want to cry.  Why do I care about what he is doing?  I don’t want to; I want to move on.  But at the same time I am obsessed by wanting to know what he is doing even if it hurts me!  I think I want to hear that he is suffering worse than the kids and I have.  How do I get past this?”

“I think Satan is using this to keep me from healing and doing what God wants me to do.”  I choose to not allow him to do this to me.  I will allow myself to feel the pain, but I will not allow it to control me or to keep me from living my life for the Lord!”

“Are there steps I need to take, things I need to do, that will help me move past this obsession and on to the life I have in front of me?  Please, Lord, show me what to do!”

“I think Satan is using this to keep me from healing and doing what God wants me to do.”  This is an important lesson to learn and to remember.  Satan uses our fears and hurts to discourage us so that we will be of no earthly use to God.  If he can keep us picking at the scabs of pain we will never heal.  If we never heal we can never move on in our lives.  What a victory this is for Satan.  That’s why I like the statement I made next even in the midst of all this pain:

“I choose to not allow him to do this to me.  I will allow myself to feel the pain, but I will not allow it to control me or to keep me from living my life for the Lord!”  It is a choice.  It is my choice.  It is your choice.  Satan is not the boss of me.  God is my Creator, Redeemer, Savior, Husband, Lord, and Friend just to name a few roles He places in my life.  He has overcome and because I am Him I have also overcome.  Jesus felt the pain when He was being tortured and crucified.  Unimaginable pain!  Yet He persevered and won the ultimate victory.  I cannot allow His suffering to be in vain.  I must rebuke Satan even today when he tries to control me.  I must feel the pain, give it to God, and allow the Potter to use it to mold me into the person He created me to be before I was born.  That’s how I live my life for the Lord.

“Are there steps I need to take, things I need to do, that will help me move past this obsession and on to the life I have in front of me?  Please, Lord, show me what to do!”  This is actually the first step I need to take in the healing process.  I must cry out to the Great Physician and He alone will move me through any obsession, any pain, any suffering I experience into the life I long to live for Him.  Then I must submit to His will even if it hurts.  I must keep my eyes on Jesus and my heart and mind full of His word.  This is what He has shown me in the years since I prayed this prayer.  And I believe that for today, for this moment, I am living the life He has for me.  I’m where He wants me to be doing what He wants me to do and I’m loving it.  Praise God!

Father,

You heard my cry 13 years ago.

You opened my eyes, ears, heart, and mind to Your answer.

Thank You!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen