My Ultimate

Thoughts for Cheri

March 29, 2004

“Right now what I really want to do is to find a place or a way to develop my writing.  This may mean classes or maybe just taking what I have written over the past months since I have been in counseling and see just what God makes of my efforts.  That is an interesting thought!  I think it was Evelyn Christenson who wrote about being led by go to write about a particular subject.  She didn’t know where to start but as she looked at random notes she had written over time she discovered an outline and her book came together.  Maybe God has given me a book in all of the things I have written.”

“At this time in my life I need a purpose and I want it to be God’s purpose.  Maybe my purpose right now is to do as Catherine said.  I need to empty myself of 30 years of pain, bitterness, and tears.  I need to allow God to cleanse me and to begin to fill me to overflowing with the blessings He has for me.”

“I just know I want to experience everything God has for me including the pain because if it is from Him it is for my good.  And if it’s not from Him He will shield me if I trust Him to do so.”

“I have said that I feel like I have been in the wilderness or desert for 30+ years.  Isaiah 43:19 says that God is making a road through the desert and a river in the badlands.  This is His message to me that He is working in my life.  I am ready.”

“Right now what I really want to do is to find a place or a way to develop my writing.  This may mean classes…”  I could have written this today.  I actually did take an online writer’s course several years ago and enjoyed it immensely.  I learned a great deal from it.  I think it’s made a difference in how I write for this blog and in other instances.

‘…or maybe just taking what I have written over the past months since I have been in counseling and see just what God makes of my efforts.  That is an interesting thought!”  Okay.  This is what I’m doing 13 years later.  I’m taking what I was writing and expounding on it.  I have considered doing this in past years but when I would try I found I just wasn’t ready.  I find it interesting that I’m ready now that God is giving me time to do more writing.  We’ll see what happens.

“I think it was Evelyn Christenson who wrote about being led by God to write about a particular subject.  She didn’t know where to start but as she looked at random notes she had written over time she discovered an outline and her book came together.  Maybe God has given me a book in all of the things I have written.”  That’s the way I feel right now.  I do feel led to write about lessons learned from my marriage, divorce, and journey to healing.  I’m excited to see how God leads me in the coming weeks and months. 

“At this time in my life I need a purpose and I want it to be God’s purpose.”  I need God’s purpose in my life at every stage.  Another lesson learned over the years is that purpose changes; the reason for that purpose doesn’t.  The ultimate purpose should be a desire to please God and to serve His kingdom.   God gives His child unique talents and gifts to fulfill that ultimate purpose in various ways at different times.  That’s what matters in this life.  His word tells me that:

“Isaiah 43:19 says that God is making a road through the desert and a river in the badlands.  This is His message to me that He is working in my life.”  God has been and is working in my life.  He cares about every aspect of my day, every happening that affects me. 

I went to lunch after writing the above and spent time thinking about this.  The ultimate purpose of every follower of Jesus Christ must be to make His name known.  Everything I do or say should reflect this purpose.  That sounds difficult maybe but I don’t think it is.  Whether it’s a smile, a friendly word, a hug, or a gentle response in a harsh world I can let people see Him in me.  I really want the words I write to reflect my faith in Jesus and to lead others to want to know this One who died so that we might have life.  Otherwise they are just empty meaningless drivel.  I want people to know by my words and deeds that I’ve been with Jesus.

Father,

I hope that my words and deeds reflect my relationship with Your Son.

Instill in me the desire to be more like Jesus.

In His Precious Name I Pray,

Amen.

Do you have:

 

Thoughts for Cheri

March 29, 2004

“I’ve been asking God to remove anything in my life that may be hindering His work and plan for me.  Yesterday Adrian Rogers preached on Abraham’s command to sacrifice Isaac and it was discussed in another of my devotionals this morning.  We are to give everything, especially the things we love, to God.  I’ve asked Him to reveal to me any person, possession, desire, anything I am holding onto.”

“The devotional book Alone with God said that I’m to create a circle around myself that is God’s and His alone.  I want to do that.”

“When I think of what I really want to do my thoughts always go to writing.  At the same time I feel afraid and I know fear is not from God.  I don’t know where or how to start.  I can write my thoughts but writing to be published is frightening.  And I don’t know how to get anything published.  What is the first step of faith I’m to take?”

 “I’m realizing more and more that I am basically a solitary person.  I really don’t mind being alone; in fact, I enjoy it most of the time.  I do desire to have a small circle of good friends to talk to and do things with.  I’m just not interested in being the life of the party or in the middle of all kinds of action.”

“The dream that is taking shape in my heart and mind even as I write this is to be able to stay home and write.  To have a home of my own, with or without a husband, where I can create an atmosphere of Christian hospitality for anyone God may bring my way.  To create an atmosphere of warmth, love, safety and gentleness for women who need a place of refuge.  That dream is still in my heart.”

I love how God works in my life.  When I read these words it soothes me and gives great joy to my heart knowing that my Father cares about the tiniest aspects of my day.  He doesn’t force anything on me but when I seek His guidance through His word, prayer, books, people, etc. He always responds in ways I cannot miss.  Keeping my eyes and ears open for His voice leads to some wonderful discoveries.

“When I think of what I really want to do my thoughts always go to writing.  At the same time I feel afraid and I know fear is not from God.  I don’t know where or how to start.  I can write my thoughts but writing to be published is frightening.  And I don’t know how to get anything published.  What is the first step of faith I’m to take?”  This is still true today.  Every last word of it!  I’ve tried giving up the thought of writing a book but it won’t go away.  I really don’t know what form it would take.  That’s one of the things I’ll be exploring in the hours of freedom God is giving to me.   I firmly believe that when a thought is from God it will not let go of you as long as you are seeking His will.  And if it is His will He’ll make the way as I take steps of faith.  The first step I believe I need to here is to sit down at my computer and start writing.

I find the last two paragraphs to seem to be contradictory.  “I’m realizing more and more that I am basically a solitary person.  I really don’t mind being alone; in fact, I enjoy it most of the time.”  “The dream that is taking shape in my heart and mind even as I write this is to be able to stay home and write.  To have a home of my own, with or without a husband, where I can create an atmosphere of Christian hospitality for anyone God may bring my way.  To create an atmosphere of warmth, love, safety and gentleness for women who need a place of refuge.”   These two thoughts seem to be opposites to me.  I like being alone but I want a place where others feel welcome.  I need to reflect on this.

The truth is this is still a dream I have today.  I still like being alone.  I still would love to have a place that could be a refuge for hurting women.  I don’t believe the two desires cancel each other out.    I know that if this is of God He will make it happen just like He will my writing if He desires.  I don’t know what form this make take but I believe.  I’m really excited about the journey I’m set to embark on in just a few weeks.  I can’t wait to see where God takes me.

Do you have dream you believe is from God?  Hold on to it.  Take steps to make it happen.  Keep moving forward unless God closes the door.  It may take days, months, or years.  However, if God is in it He’ll bring you to it and through it.  It will be more than any dream you’ve ever had.  It will be God-sized.

Father,

I don’t know what my future holds but You do.

I make myself available to Your plans.

Place in me the dreams You have for my life and enable me to live them out.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

Question for today:

Thoughts for Cheri

March 29, 2004

“I believe God is trying to tell me something.  I read these verses in one of my email devotionals this morning and I decided to memorize them.  At lunch today I was reading from Getting Past Your Past by Susan Wilkerson when she quoted the same two verses.  She was talking about giving up the dream that had failed and dreaming a new one."

“’Dreaming is simply envisioning what your purpose might be.  But what if you don’t perceive a new dream?’  (p. 168).  Then she quoted Isaiah 43:18-19.  Then:  ‘The implication of this…is that some people have trouble seeing the new thing God is doing.  If you cannot perceive the new dream God has designed for you, try spending time with people who might see what you don’t.’  (p. 169)”

“This spoke to me because I have been under extreme conviction for 2 or 3 weeks now.  The failure of my marriage has been weighing on my mind because things were happening a year ago.  As I approach April 4^th, it seems to be getting worse.  This morning I awoke to that old feeling of fear and dread.  I was shaking and felt like I was being physically attacked.  I believe God is getting ready to do something ‘brand-new’ in my life and Satan is trying to hinder it.”

I love it when God hits me over the head with something and that’s what happened in this case.  Any time I read a portion of scripture more than once in my quiet time or before the day is over I perk up and pay attention.  I don’t believe in coincidence and I know that God uses various ways to get His point across.  The most effective way and the best way is through His word.  The thing is, I have to read it to hear His voice.   That’s one of the reasons I treasure my quiet time each morning.

My dream when I was younger was to have a great marriage and to live a long and happy life with my husband.  Well, that didn’t happen, did it?  Now I had to give up the dream that had failed and dream a new one.  This is what I was seeking and Satan was not happy about that.  I remember this particular morning like it was yesterday.  The fear was so thick in my apartment you could cut it with a knife.  I have learned over the years that when Satan attacks I’m on the right track and I just need to rebuke him and rest in my Savior.  It sounds easy but it’s difficult when you’re in the middle of a spiritual attack.  What I really wanted to do that morning was pull the covers over my head and curl up in a fetal position.  Thankfully, my faith won out and I took the next step.  That’s all it takes.

Thirteen years ago I dreamed a new dream of working at a church in Lexington, KY.  God gave me that dream and I’m still loving it.  However, all these years later He seems to be adding to that dream.  I’m not certain what this new dream is yet but I’m excited about it.  The first of May I will continue working part time at a job I enjoy while seeking His leading for the free hours I’ll now have.  Tomorrow’s post will share some unanswered dreams I had that may yet be fulfilled.  Only God knows at this point and that’s really all that matters. 

What are you God given dreams?  Don’t give up on them unless God closes the door.  God gives the dream and then gives the ability to pursue that dream to those who know Him.  Keep dreaming and keep seeking. 

Father,

You place a dream in my heart.

You give me what I need to follow that dream.

Thank You!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

Remember:

Thoughts for Cheri

March 27, 2004

“From Getting Past Your Past by Susan Wilkinson (p. 158).  ‘God is completely sovereign and thoroughly good, no matter what the circumstances…Our pain is never for nothing—even the pain caused by our own poor choices.’”

“In this book the author says God does not have a plan A and B and C etc. for our lives.  He is not caught by surprise by the choices we make or by things that are done to us.  Because He is God and He knows what is going to come into our lives, He uses all these things to prepare us for the purpose for which we were created.  This makes sense to me and is so freeing.  Not that I want to mess up anymore.  But I can move past my past and into the present and future with the assurance that He is and has been in control.  Now, when I began regretting, I will remember this, rebuke Satan, and ask Jesus to reveal His thoughts to me.  Praise God!”

Wow!  I’d forgotten about this.  I’m so glad God led me to write my thoughts and that I included this.  I’m so glad God led me to revisit what I wrote during this time.  This journey into my past is blessing me in ways I cannot fathom.  He is such a wonderful Heavenly Father!

There are moments when I wonder what my life would look like if I had made different choices.  I cannot regret my marriage because from it God blessed me with 3 wonderful children and my beautiful and handsome grandchildren.   If I regret anything it would be instances from my marriage, times I should have stood up for myself or my kids, times I should have spoken up when I disagreed with opinions he expressed, times I allowed fear to keep me from doing what I knew was right and best.  I will say that when it came to my kids I did protect them as best I could.  I do regret the times I failed but I no longer blame myself.  I know I did the best I could at that time.  It’s what was and I believe God has used it to make each of us stronger.  I’m extremely thankful for the adults my kids have become and I give God all the glory!

As a child of God, saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, and called to serve Him while I walk on this earth, I’m grateful that He is sovereign.  Nothing surprises Him or catches Him off guard.  He uses the hard times to teach me lessons that will enable me to be a better servant and witness to a lost world.  I believe my purpose is to live each moment of each day the best I can serving Him as He leads and opens doors. 

I use to believe that we were all called to some “big important purpose” before we leave this earth.  Over time I’ve come to realize that the best purpose a child of The King has is to daily love and encourage others while speaking the truth even when it’s not popular.  He may have something major planned for my life.  I don’t know.  I don’t care at this point.  I just want to live in a way that pleases Him, shares His light and love in a dark world, and makes a difference in one life.  If He has more than that for me to do He’ll reveal it in His time.  Until then I’ll just keep living each day for Him open to possibilities and ready to say yes.  I think this song says it well:

Father,

Thank You for taking away any regrets I may have and replacing them with a purpose.

Please open my eyes to opportunities to serve You by helping others daily.

Thank You for allowing me to have a small part in Your Kingdom work.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen

You get to

 

Thoughts for Cheri

March 27, 2004

“Last night I was crying again and I thought about what Catherine said about me being empty and needing to be filled by God.  I think that I’m full of over 30 years of unshed tears of frustration, hurt, failure, despair, and so many other negative feelings.  I wasn’t allowed to show emotion or to cry much for all those years.  When I did hurt or cry I was rarely comforted.  I was made to feel like my feelings didn’t matter or were wrong.”

“I believe God is emptying me of all these hurtful burdens so He can fill me with the goodness He has for me.  I believe this is a process I have to experience to truly be free and to receive and be filled with all that God has in store for me.”

“I’m so weary of crying and of feeling like I do right now but I choose to believe that on the other side of this pain and despair I will find God’s peace, joy and purpose for my life.  In other words, I choose to walk by faith, not by sight or feelings.”

One of the lessons I’ve learned over the last 14 years is that this is not a onetime process.  The hurts and trials of life take their toll on me over time.  My tank will be emptied as the ups and downs of each day take a little out of me as I try to serve as a child of God.  There is nothing this world offers that can nourish my soul, heart, mind, and body to replenish what is depleted.  Only God has what I need.  Only He can fill me to overflowing with peace, joy, and love.  It’s in the quiet moments of each morning that His voice speaks life to me so that I can in turn share life with others.  It’s actually a pretty amazing process. When I fill up each morning my tank never empties. 

All those years ago I had to empty myself of so much junk.  It wasn’t an easy or a quick task.  Was it worth it?  Definitely.  It was like having surgery to remove an infection.  The process is painful but life changing.  The scars remain as reminders of what I went through and how far God has brought me.  The lessons learned instilled in me a desire to know more about and receive more of God. 

One of the best lessons learned is “I choose to walk by faith, not by sight or feelings.”  I’ve stepped out in faith many times in the last few years.  I’m doing it right now with my beginning to work part time on May 1.  I firmly believe this is of God and He has plans for my life that I do not see right now.  I’m excited to see what He has planned for me in this stage of my life.  Because of His faithfulness over the years I have no fear as I face the unknown.  He’s never let me down before and He will not let me down now.  I also know from experience this doesn’t mean the path will be easy.  If fact, I’m certain it won’t be.  God doesn’t call me into my comfort zone; He calls me out of it into His amazing magnificent work.  What an awesome journey this will be!

Father,

You have done such a marvelous work in my life!

I pray that my actions will reflect my gratitude and commitment to Your work.

I choose to walk by faith as You lead.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

Do they matter?

Journal Entry:

March 16, 2004

“One of the lessons I’ve learned through all of this is the power we can have for good or evil over people in our lives.  My ex took my voice and made me invisible.  He separated me from the people who should have been so important in my life.  I want to draw people closer to God and to each other with my actions.”

Words matter.  The old saying  is not true. 

Words can cut deep into a person’s soul creating invisible wounds that never heal.  Physical wounds are terrible but they do heal over time.  It’s the psychological impact those wounds have on a person that cause the deepest pain.  When someone who has professed love for you is the one inflicting the pain it magnifies the trauma many times over.  It reaches deep into your psyche telling you that you are worthless and unlovable.  You begin to believe you deserve to be abused.  When I found this it was as if I had written it:

            Actions matter.  It doesn’t have to be actual physical abuse to cause pain.  Isolating someone, treating them with contempt, uncalled for anger, or just a condescending attitude causes a person to withdraw into a shell like a turtle for protection.  That’s what I did.  It’s not a healthy way to live life.

 

I’m so thankful that God delivered me from that life.  Since then He’s brought people into my life who have spoken kindness and love to me.  Their actions have shown mercy, grace, and love many times over.  Today thanks to God’s goodness and those who answered when He called, instead of a scared turtle I’m a soaring butterfly. 

             God is not finished with me yet.  I know because I know me and I know how far I’ve come and how far I’ve yet to go.  One of my greatest desires is to repay the favor shown to me by Him and others by treating people with the love and respect a child of God deserves.  This is done by being nice in traffic, treating customer service people with kindness, smiling at a stranger, hugging a friend, listening to a hurting soul, and in so many other ways.  As Jesus Himself said:

 

Words and actions matter.  Neither can be taken back once they’re out there.   Harsh words and actions bring pain.  Kind words and actions bring healing.  What a wonderful world this would be if only kind words were spoken and kind actions performed!

Father,

You have worked miracles in my life.

Thank You!

Remind me daily to be kind to others as others have been kind to me.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

Thankful for:

 

Journal Entry:

March 16, 2004

“Molly called.  She had suggestions for me as to job possibilities and is going to keep her eyes and ears open for me.  Worked on resume and cover letter-sent them to Bill to critique and edit.”

The first thing that came to mind when I read this is family and friends.  Where would I be without them?  From the beginning of this journey to this day God has place people in my life who have loved, encouraged, confronted when needed, and just been there for me.  They’ve laughed and cried with me.  Some of them have walked a short way on the path with me bringing just what I needed at that time.  Many have been by my side for the entire trip.  What a blessing they’ve each been in their own way!

I’m not going to try to name them all.  Many have been mentioned already before in this blog.  I’m sure I’ll mention others in future posts.  The thing they all have in common is a willingness to reach out to someone who was hurting and seeking and needing a helping hand.  They all took time out of their busy lives to make a difference in my life.  I remember each one of them to this day with thankfulness and love.  I am going to talk about the two mentioned in this entry.

Molly is one of my dearest friends in the world.  She’s become a sister to me.  She’s been with me through good and bad times.  She’s taken care of me through surgeries, helped me move, gone on trips to Georgia, shared many a meal, enjoyed Gaither concerts, and loved my puppy just to name a few things.  We’ve shared prayer concerns, family matters, joys, sorrows, much laughter, and some tears.  We can go weeks without speaking but if I need her all I have to do is call.  She’s truly a gift from God.

Bill.  What can I say?  I tell people he was the finest Christian man I’ve ever known and I’ve known some good ones.  Yes, I said was.  God took him Home 4 years ago last month.  I may talk about that on another day but today I want to focus on who he was in this life. 

This man was my brother-in-law.  He came into my life when he started dating my sister in February 1968.  From the beginning he treated this spoiled bratty little sister with respect.  He became my brother when he married Pat. 

If I tried to list all the ways he supported me over the years it would fill more pages than one can imagine.  He was there for me financially, emotionally, or with any questions or concerns I had.  I tell people he was my go to guy for legal or any other kind of advice.  He was always willing to listen to and give me great advice.

All of the cousins adored that man.  He became a father figure to my kids.  In fact, everyone in our family adored Bill.  He became the human rock of our family.  His faith in God was evident to everyone who ever met him.  His sense of humor was unique and always made us laugh.  His generosity was unmatched. 

The one thing I will always remember about Bill was his encouragement as I created this new life after my divorce.  I’d call him and say, “I’m not sure I can do this”.  His reply was always “why not?”  He never let me doubt myself or my abilities.  If there was anything he could do to support me he did it.  There was never any pressure to succeed, just encouragement.  If I tried something and it didn’t work out there was no problem.  Just move on to the next thing.

No, he was not perfect because there’s only been one perfect Person to ever walk this earth.  However, he was as close as I’ve seen in my lifetime.  I miss him still.

The point of this post is that God uses His children to minister to those who are lost, seeking, hurting, or in any kind of need.  His word tells us to

This just what so many people have done and are doing for me still today.  My hope is that in my words and actions I do the same for others.  It’s through the presence of God in my life that I’m able to share His love, mercy and grace with others.  What a joyful way to live!

Father,

Thank You for bringing so many wonderful people into my life.

Today I thank You especially for Molly and Bill.

Enable me to share the kindnesses they have shown to me with others.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

Who I depend on to get me

 

Thoughts for Cheri:

March 15, 2004

“I didn’t leave my apartment all weekend.  Didn’t even go to church.  I had a headache for part of it and just seemed to need some time alone.  I know that seems odd since I’m alone so much but this was different.  I cry very easily right now but it’s not the sobbing heart wrenching crying that I’ve done before.  I’m deepening my relationship with God and I asked Him to break my heart and to mold me back the way He wants me to be.  That’s the kind of crying I’ve been doing.  Just tears of sorrow, repentance, cleansing, relief, and healing.  I’m also reliving this time last year.  I’m seeing more clearly what was happening in my marriage and my life and it hurts.  April 4^th will be one year since he told me and the memories are painful but, with God’s help I’m dealing with them.”

I’m deepening my relationship with God and I asked Him to break my heart and to mold me back the way He wants me to be.  That’s the kind of crying I’ve been doing.  Just tears of sorrow, repentance, cleansing, relief, and healing.  Be careful what you ask God to do in your life.  When I read this I thought of this song:

The Potter’s Hand by Darlene Zschech

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour
I know for sure, all of my days are held in your hands, crafted
Into Your perfect plan
You gently call me into your presence guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life through Your eyes
 I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know you're drawing me to yourself
Lead me Lord I pray

Take me, Mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

You gently call me into Your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live through Your eyes
I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know your drawing me to yourself
Lead me lord I pray

Take me, Mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

God has done this in my life in various times and ways over the past 13 years but this weekend in 2004 was the most intense because my emotions were so raw and my yearnings so deep and strong.  I longed for God to work in me as He saw fit.  He is the Potter and I am the clay and my desire still is to be molded to His plan and purpose.

 

       “I’m also reliving this time last year.  I’m seeing more clearly what was happening in my marriage and my life and it hurts.  April 4^th will be one year since he told me and the memories are painful but, with God’s help I’m dealing with them.”  Sometimes it’s hard to see things clearly.  God was opening my eyes to the realities of what I had experienced.  This made me angry with my ex but I believe I was angrier with myself for allowing him to treat me like he did.  With God’s help I’ve forgiven myself and my ex (not just once but it’s a continuing process).  Each time Satan brings the memories back it gets easier to forgive.  The pain is mostly gone; it’s the anger at certain things that I’m having issues with now.  A memory will surface, I get angry, I talk to God, I forgive all over again, and move on.  I’m being transformed as my mind is renewed.

           Ask anyone who knows me very well and they will tell you that I love butterflies.  This is why.  God has changed me just as He does a caterpillar.  I think the last 14 years having been my cocoon stage where little by little I’ve been prepared for whatever He’s planned for me.  He’s renewed every part of my being and given me wings to soar.  I’m so excited about the new opportunities I believe He’s preparing for me at this stage of my life. 

I’m so thankful for God who listens to my cry.  I’m thankful that He’s willing to take me through the hard stuff because that’s where my faith grows and my life finds meaning.  Notice I said He takes me through.  He doesn’t send me or leave me alone to face these difficult times.  He goes before, beside, and behind me.  When necessary He carries me.  The sacrifice of His Son on the cross made this possible.  He bridged the gap sin created so that I can have a relationship with the Father. 

 

I am so thankful!

Father,

Through.

What a wonderful word.

Because of Jesus You go with me through the ups and downs of life.

Thank You!

In His Precious Name,

Amen

Developing

Thoughts for Cheri:

March 14, 2004

“One thing that has been impressed on me during the past years is how busy people are.  No one has time to listen to anyone any more.  No one has time to spend with friends, family or just people who need a listening ear any more.  I believe go is calling me to a ministry of being, not of doing:  being available, being a friend, and being a listener.”

“I’m not judging people who are busy.  There are seasons in each life when we have to be busy to prepare for God’s work.  I feel like I’ve been busy trying to please a man who I could never please for 32 years.  Now I believe God is telling me to slow down and smell the roses.  I need to take care of myself, not in a selfish way, but in a way that draws me closer to Him and allows me the time, energy, and resources to minister to others.”

“Listen”

"Listening" is not easy.  I’m doing better than I was but it’s still a struggle.  I’m still too “me” centered.  I believe this is one reason God gave me the job of receptionist/ministry assistant at a church.  I’ve had to learn to listen to pastors, ministry assistants, visitors, salespeople, etc.  Mostly I’ve learned to listen to church members.  I’m the ministry assistant to the Senior Adult Pastor and working with these wonderful seniors has been such a blessing.  By listening to them I’ve learned much about life, love, commitment, and more.  I’ve also seen faith in action through these friends who have lived long, productive, and often difficult lives.  I’ve truly been blessed by being in this place at this time of my life. 

“I need to take care of myself, not in a selfish way, but in a way that draws me closer to Him and allows me the time, energy, and resources to minister to others.”  This is the listening that matters and enables me to be a better listener.  God listens to me.  I must take time to listen to Him.  When I spend time each morning with Him my day just goes better.  Everything doesn’t go the way I want it to but my actions and reactions reflect that I’ve been with Him.  That’s what I mean by taking care of myself.  No one takes better care of me than my heavenly Father!

Learn to listen.  You’ll be amazed at the things you learn and the difference you make.  God’s word says to:

Father,

Thank You for teaching me by example to listen.

Increase my desire to listen to You and to others.

Open my ears and heart to hear Your truth and the heart cry of others.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

Help in

Journal Entry March 11, 2004

“My devotion this morning says to create a safe place for yourself when you’ve been hurt.  I believe that is what I’m to do right now.”

That first year I did create a “safe place”.  My apartment was my shelter from the world.  The thing is even though it was a safe place for me the feelings of abandonment, sorrow, fear, and every other emotion I was feeling entered the door every time I did.  It wasn’t a safe place because those feelings couldn’t find me there, it was a safe place because I didn’t have to pretend any more.  I could be real and honest with the One who knows me best and who listens and cares.  I could cry, sob, scream into my pillow (it was an apartment after all), laugh, sing, moan, and cry out to God as much and as often as needed.  It was so therapeutic.

The thing is there is only one genuine “safe place” to be found in this crazy world.  I say along with the psalmist:

God alone is my “safe place”.  What’s wonderful about that is because His Spirit dwells within me He goes wherever I go.  I don’t have to “create a safe place”.  He’s in me always.  He’s with me everywhere.  He promised this in His word:

These promises are for the child of God who has invited His Son into his/her life.  Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection made this safe place possible.  He is the One who sends the Holy Spirit to walk with me in this life.  He has hemmed me in before and behind (Psalm 139:5).  There are so many promises in His word of His presence being with me.  I believe He means it!

Psalm 23 is a perfect description of being in the safe place with God: 

Hallelujah!  What a Savior!

Father,

You are my “safe place”.

Thank You!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen!

Which path?

 

Journal Entry March 10, 2004

“I believe I am to look in Lexington for a job and apartment.”

This one simple statement was the beginning of a monumental journey in my life.  It’s amazing to me how God plants a thought in my brain and a desire in my heart.  The key is listening to His voice and saying yes to His will.  I think about the blessings I would have missed if I had allowed fear to keep me from taking one simple step. 

I had said many times if I could live anywhere (besides the beachJ) I’d live in Lexington.  I loved growing up there.  I never felt at home in the Louisville area but Lexington has always felt like where I belong.  I also had a deep desire to work at a church.  However, this was not just going to fall into my lap.  I needed to step out in faith.

What was that step?  I contacted my friend Molly in Lexington and asked her if she knew of any churches that were hiring.   Then I waited to see what God would do.  I knew that He was in control and would provide the perfect place that He wanted me to be when the time was right. 

Is God calling you to step out in faith?  It’s scary.  If it’s not, it’s probably not from God.  He doesn’t call us to do the easy.  He calls us out of our comfort zone.  He wants us to depend on His strength, His guidance, His knowledge to accomplish His purpose for our lives.  He doesn’t’ force it.  He gives us the choice to follow, to step out, to obey.  And when we do, wow, what a blessing it becomes.  Not easy, not without struggle, not always popular, but always best.

I’ve been on this particular path for 13 years today when I wrote that simple statement.  Today there are signs God is opening a new chapter in my life and I’m excited to see where this path will lead.  On May 1 I will begin working part time at my present job.  I’m opening myself up to what God would have me to do with the free hours each week.   I know He will guide because His word says:

Father,

Fear is not from You.

In Your word You tell us often “Do not fear”.

Help me to always take that first step because it is the hardest.

Thank You for directing my paths.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.