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Journal Entry March 7, 2004

"Church was great.  Went to choir and came home.  No one to sit with. I'm still struggling with loneliness.  I'm clinging to God & His word.  I'm not worthless because Jesus died for me."

Loneliness and feeling like I don’t matter are two themes that run through the pages of my journal.  I knew in my head this wasn’t true because I knew God was with me and that Jesus died for me.  The thing I take away from this is how our words and actions affect those around us, especially those in our lives whom we are supposed to love and care for with compassion.

Over the years of my marriage I had been made to feel like I didn’t matter.  Nothing I said, did, liked, enjoyed, or wanted was of any consequence.  I was to reflect the values, likes, words, and even thoughts of another.  The problem is that person didn’t have my best interest at heart.  It was all about him.  Those years took their toll on me and it’s has taken many years, tears, prayers, and counseling to overcome the damage done.  The truth is from time to time those old insecurities rear their ugly heads.  Thankfully God reminds me in those times of who I am in Him and He has given me ways to respond to Satan’s attacks.  The Evil One is after all the one who wants to discourage me so that I will not be a witness to the power and love of Jesus Christ.

This experience and the things God has taught me through it has impressed on me how important my words and actions are. Believe me, I fail all too often to reflect Jesus but through His Spirit I’m making progress.  One of my greatest joys in life is to bring a smile to someone’s face by word, deed, or attitude.  I know there have been days when someone’s kindness has made all the difference in the way I view my world.  It’s such a little thing with such a big result.  A smile, a hug, or a kind word are gifts nothing can erase from a life.

If nothing else I’ve written touches your heart please hear these words: “I'm not worthless because Jesus died for me."  The Son of God died for me.  He died for you.  As Chris Tomlin sings:

He became sin, who knew no sin
That we might become His righteousness
He humbled himself and carried the cross

Love so amazing, love so amazing

Jesus Messiah, name above all names
Blessed redeemer, Emmanuel
The rescue for sinners, the ransom from Heaven
Jesus Messiah, Lord of all

His body the bread, his blood the wine
Broken and poured out all for love
The whole earth trembled, and the veil was torn

Love so amazing, love so amazing, yeah

Jesus Messiah, name above all names
Blessed redeemer, Emmanuel
The rescue for sinners, the ransom from Heaven
Jesus Messiah, Lord of all

All our hope is in You, all our hope is in You
All the glory to You, God, the light of the world

Jesus Messiah, name above all names
Blessed redeemer, Emmanuel
The rescue for sinners, the ransom from Heaven
Jesus Messiah, Lord of all

Songwriters
CHRIS TOMLIN, CHRISTOPHER DWAYNE TOMLIN, DANIEL CARSON, ED CASH, JESSE REEVES

Published by
Lyrics © MUSIC SERVICES, INC.

There’s no way Satan can ever convince me I don’t matter when I remember what Jesus did for me.  You have the same promise.  All you have to do is receive the gift.

Father,

You’ve given the best gift of all.

Your Son gave His life so that I might live.

I pray that many will accept this gift that is freely given.

In His precious name,

Amen