Who I depend on to get me

 

Thoughts for Cheri:

March 15, 2004

“I didn’t leave my apartment all weekend.  Didn’t even go to church.  I had a headache for part of it and just seemed to need some time alone.  I know that seems odd since I’m alone so much but this was different.  I cry very easily right now but it’s not the sobbing heart wrenching crying that I’ve done before.  I’m deepening my relationship with God and I asked Him to break my heart and to mold me back the way He wants me to be.  That’s the kind of crying I’ve been doing.  Just tears of sorrow, repentance, cleansing, relief, and healing.  I’m also reliving this time last year.  I’m seeing more clearly what was happening in my marriage and my life and it hurts.  April 4^th will be one year since he told me and the memories are painful but, with God’s help I’m dealing with them.”

I’m deepening my relationship with God and I asked Him to break my heart and to mold me back the way He wants me to be.  That’s the kind of crying I’ve been doing.  Just tears of sorrow, repentance, cleansing, relief, and healing.  Be careful what you ask God to do in your life.  When I read this I thought of this song:

The Potter’s Hand by Darlene Zschech

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour
I know for sure, all of my days are held in your hands, crafted
Into Your perfect plan
You gently call me into your presence guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life through Your eyes
 I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know you're drawing me to yourself
Lead me Lord I pray

Take me, Mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

You gently call me into Your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live through Your eyes
I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know your drawing me to yourself
Lead me lord I pray

Take me, Mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

God has done this in my life in various times and ways over the past 13 years but this weekend in 2004 was the most intense because my emotions were so raw and my yearnings so deep and strong.  I longed for God to work in me as He saw fit.  He is the Potter and I am the clay and my desire still is to be molded to His plan and purpose.

 

       “I’m also reliving this time last year.  I’m seeing more clearly what was happening in my marriage and my life and it hurts.  April 4^th will be one year since he told me and the memories are painful but, with God’s help I’m dealing with them.”  Sometimes it’s hard to see things clearly.  God was opening my eyes to the realities of what I had experienced.  This made me angry with my ex but I believe I was angrier with myself for allowing him to treat me like he did.  With God’s help I’ve forgiven myself and my ex (not just once but it’s a continuing process).  Each time Satan brings the memories back it gets easier to forgive.  The pain is mostly gone; it’s the anger at certain things that I’m having issues with now.  A memory will surface, I get angry, I talk to God, I forgive all over again, and move on.  I’m being transformed as my mind is renewed.

           Ask anyone who knows me very well and they will tell you that I love butterflies.  This is why.  God has changed me just as He does a caterpillar.  I think the last 14 years having been my cocoon stage where little by little I’ve been prepared for whatever He’s planned for me.  He’s renewed every part of my being and given me wings to soar.  I’m so excited about the new opportunities I believe He’s preparing for me at this stage of my life. 

I’m so thankful for God who listens to my cry.  I’m thankful that He’s willing to take me through the hard stuff because that’s where my faith grows and my life finds meaning.  Notice I said He takes me through.  He doesn’t send me or leave me alone to face these difficult times.  He goes before, beside, and behind me.  When necessary He carries me.  The sacrifice of His Son on the cross made this possible.  He bridged the gap sin created so that I can have a relationship with the Father. 

 

I am so thankful!

Father,

Through.

What a wonderful word.

Because of Jesus You go with me through the ups and downs of life.

Thank You!

In His Precious Name,

Amen