Winks that are life changing!

Journal Entry January 18, 2004:

“What a wonderful day!  Sunday School was good as was worship.  A seminary professor who is also an Ob Gyn spoke for Sanctity of Life Sunday.  He also directs the pregnancy crisis center in Louisville.  Surprise!  His wife was a friend of mine in elementary school in Georgetown.  She remembers me!  What a blessing and how good God is!”

My focus is on one sentence:  “She remembers me!” 

Why does this thought matter so much to me?  Remember, I had been made to feel like I didn’t matter.  I felt unnoticed and unimportant.  I was surprised when people I had seen a few weeks ago knew who I was.  This was someone I hadn’t seen in over 40 years.  He mentioned that his wife was from Georgetown so I went up to her and mentioned I had lived there as a child for 3 years and told her my name.  Back then I went by Virginia not Ginny.  She looked at me and said, “Are you Virginia?  I’m Jane.”  We had a great time reminiscing and made plans to meet for supper.

I’ve mentioned in a previous posting about God winks, a concept introduced by Squire Rushnell as “an event or personal experience, often identified as coincidence, so astonishing that it is seen as a sign of divine intervention, especially when perceived as the answer to a prayer ”.   When I told my sister about this she stated that sometimes God likes to wink at us and He certainly winked at me in that moment. 

Unless you’ve been made to feel invisible and had your voice taken from you there is no way for you to comprehend the emotions this stirred up in me.  It was a sweet as that moment with Cheri when I realized I was looking her in the eyes.  It was as life-changing a moment as I’ve ever had.  And it was really such a simple thing.  This is why it’s so important that we be kind and caring to anyone with whom we come into contact.  You never know what a kind word, a hug, a smile, or a loving deed may mean to that person.  Conversely you may never know how an angry retort, a cold shoulder, a frown, or a thoughtless act may affect someone’s life.  Believe me I know.  I’ve experienced each of these and I know how uplifting or demeaning these acts can be.

“She remembers me!”   The final thought I want to express is that while others may forget me there is One who never will.

Come to know Jesus as Your Savior, Lord, and Friend and you will be unforgettable too!  He remembers me!

Father,

You know my name.

You remember me.

Wow!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen

The Pain in this Journey We Call Life

Today’s post is a little different.  It’s from January 15-February 24, 2004 journal entries.

“Tanya is emotional-may be pregnant.”

“Tanya’s pregnancy test was positive.  She will call doctor tomorrow.”

“What a day.  Everyone at work knows about Tanya and are happy for her.”

“Tanya still experiencing nausea.”

“Tanya doing okay.”

“What a day!  Tanya is bleeding-called doctor-ultrasound at 1 p.m.-talked to doctor around 3:30-there is a sac but can’t see baby.  0-10% chance of delivery.  Roger called-on way to hospital-Tanya bleeding heavily.  They gave her pain med and said cervix closed.  Will miscarry but hadn’t started.  She’s in pain but ok.  Long day but Tanya is ok and God is in control.”

“Tanya still cramping but home.”

“Tanya talked to doctor and he wanted to look at blood work from the other night.  Then she had to go to his office and give more blood.  Won’t know anything until tomorrow.”

Feb. 24: 

“The baby is gone.”

I asked Tanya for permission before I shared this because it was quite a traumatic time.  I had experienced a miscarriage with my first pregnancy 32 years before so I knew how much my baby girl was hurting.  It is true that it hurts more when your child suffers than when you do.  You want to change it but you can’t.

This is how I know God hurts when His child suffers.  He watched His own Son suffer and die for me.  He actually had to turn His back on Jesus because He is a holy God and cannot look on sin.  Since Jesus took upon Himself the sins of all people of all times God had to look away from Him while He hung on the cross.  

We suffer because of the sin and evil that is rampant in this world.  Jesus suffered because He loves us so much.  He could have said “No” but He choose to say “Yes” and offer redemption to all of humankind.  Because of this my sins are covered and God never has to look away.  He sees, He cares, He comforts.

God hurt when He saw my daughter suffering.  He hurt when He saw me suffering years before.  So why doesn’t He just protect those who truly believe in His Son from pain and sorrow?  Wouldn’t that be nice?  Well if He did how would we are to be His hands and feet be able to minister to a lost and dying world?  How could we ever understand what a person is experiencing when he/she walks through the valley of the shadow death?  Scripture tells us that:

I can testify that God has walked with me through every trial, every moment of suffering, every moment of grief I’ve ever experience in my life.  I know there are those who think I’m crazy for believing but you see, I don’t just believe, I know.  I have a relationship with my Father and He never lets me down.  He never promised the journey would be easy; He did promise He would be with me every step of the way.  He’s never failed me yet. 

Because of God’s faithfulness in my times of trouble I am better able to understand and walk beside those in my life who suffer pain, sorrow, and loss.  It is true that you don’t really understand what someone is going through unless you’ve been there yourself.  I understand the pain of miscarriage, divorce, and the death of loved ones because I’ve been there and done that.  Best of all, my Savior understands and helps me comfort others.  This is our calling in this world, to join others in their times of trouble and introduce them to the One who cares the most.

God is also a God who restores.  In December of 2005 a precious baby girl was born to my baby girl.  Eleven years later I cannot imagine life without her.  She brings joy and smiles to the faces of all who know her.  She is truly one of God’s blessings from Heaven. 

Jesus Christ walked on this earth experiencing the same troubles we do today.  He chose to allow Himself to be sacrificed in a painful and excruciating death so He could identify with and give me eternal life.  He did the same for you.  Please if you don’t know Him today seek Him and He will be found.

           

Father,

I don’t pretend to like the pain 

I’ve experienced in my life.

I do know that it’s in those times 

I’ve grown in my faith.

I also know it’s in those times 

I’ve learned to be a comfort to others.

So thank You for the hard times.

Most of all, thank You for always being with me in this journey of life.

In Jesus’ most precious name,

Amen.

Which Way Do I Go?

I have to admit I’m having tough time coming up with something to write about for most of this week so I decided to just start typing and see where God leads me.  He always does you know.

January 2004 began the year off with “normal” days whatever that really means.  In reading my journal it seems that for this week at least my life had settled into a routine.  Church, work, home, and errands.  I had mostly good days it seems with some sad moments. I believe that just as God gives winter for the earth to rest He gave me this time to just be.  I was still trying to find my place in this new life and I was exploring options.  However, I can say now all these years later that the possibilities I was looking at did not come to fruition.  And that’s okay.  I enjoyed the journey because I met some wonderful people and received some positive feedback as to who I was and who I was capable of being and what I was capable of doing. 

The main opportunity I was exploring was going back to seminary to obtain a degree in counseling.  I met with several people who encouraged me in that pursuit.  I even prepared to fill out an application to begin classes.  Needless to say I didn’t and I’m thankful because I like where I am today and I know God brought me here.  However, I’m grateful for the process I went through because I now see it as preparation for the journey God was going to start me on in just a few months; the journey that led to where I am today.

Lessons gleaned from times like these abound.  For me the main one is to keep on keeping on exploring every avenue unless and until God closes the door.  Don’t try to force it open when He does.  That’s a major mistake as I’ve discovered too often in my life.  I believe that as long as He allows me to continue on a particular phase of a journey He has lessons for me to learn.  This was no different.

What did I learn? 

·         To trust Him completely in all areas of my life. 

·         To seek out people who could answer my questions and concerns. 

·         To not allow fear to hold me back. 

·         That He gives me what I need when I need it to be perfectly capable in whatever situation He places me. 

·         To stay connected to Him through prayer and His word as He allows the Holy Spirit to guide me every step of the way.

·         To wait on Him.

These lessons have served me well in the days, weeks, months, and years since.  God has opened and closed doors in big and small ways in my life.  When I seek His face and His plan He never fails me.  When I try to do it on my own it always leads to heartache, failure, or a big mess.  I wish I could say that I never do that but in my humanness I sometimes decide to do it my way.  Contrary to the song by Frank Sinatra doing it my way is not the best way.  Doing it God’s way is the only way to go!  Remember:

Father,

I am so grateful for Your patience with Your child.

I am so grateful for Your guidance in Your child’s life.

Remind me daily Whose way is best.

Then help me to follow it.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen

Giving Thanks!

Thoughts for Cheri

January 9, 2004 continued:

“I’m still sad but I do feel better after writing this.  I’m thankful for this gift of writing that God has given to me because it seems to help me clarify issues in my mind as I write.”

“Tonight I cry, tomorrow I talk to Cheri, Sunday I worship with my church family.”

“Thank You, God!”

“I’m still sad but I do feel better after writing this. I’m thankful for this gift of writing that God has given to me because it seems to help me clarify issues in my mind as I write.”  I’m still thankful for this amazing gift.  I enjoy sharing what God has done and is doing in my life with others.  Even if just one person is blessed or uplifted or encouraged by my story it’s worth it.  I believe if God gives us a talent we must use it to lift Him up.  This can be done in many ways but the ultimate reason and goal of all that we do should be to bring praise and honor and give the glory to the One who gives us life everlasting and joy, peace, mercy, and grace while we walk this earth.

All these years later writing things still helps me to clarify the ups and downs of life.  That’s one reason I’m enjoying doing this blog even if no one ever reads it.  God is using it to remind me of where I was, how far He’s brought me, and the faith I had even back then.  It’s proving to be life-changing and uplifting for me as I relive this journey.  He’s also encouraging to be willing to speak out more about my faith and my convictions in a loving but unyielding way. 

“Tonight I cry, tomorrow I talk to Cheri, Sunday I worship with my church family.”  I just like this sentence.  So much contained in 15 words.  Sorrow, hope, expectation, joy, anticipation, friendship, encouragement, help, peace, faith and so much more reflected in this.  I see life lived daily in these words and I believe that’s what God calls each of us to do.  Live the life He gives in faith trusting each moment to Him no matter the circumstance.

 “Thank You, God!”  God’s word tells me to: “Give thanks in everything, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”  1 Thessalonians 5:18.  It’s not always easy but in the end I find that God uses the difficult times to strengthen my faith and my resolve.  And I never ever go through them alone.  He’s right there with me always.  So thank Him for the easy that gives you rest and the difficult that builds your faith.  Life is so much sweeter when I live it with a thankful heart!

Father,

Thank You!

In Jesus’ Precious Name,

Amen.

Complaining is not nice!

Thoughts for Cheri

January 9, 2004 continued:

“I found something I wrote on April 13, 1999.  God was preparing me even then.”

“I was talking to God about listening to people complain
-how tired I am of it-
when He impressed on me that He listens to more than I do
and I complain to Him too often.
Please forgive me, Lord.
Help me to trust You more and complain less.”

Complaining.   It’s something we all do.  The weather, our job, traffic, how we feel, politics, sports, you name it, we complain about it.  I’m just as guilty as anyone else.  I wake up in the morning with the intent of not complaining but before the day is over I guarantee you I will have complained of at least one thing and usually many more. 

What does God’s word have to say about complaining?

As children of God we are to be different than the world.  We are to reflect the light of Jesus in our lives and that will make us shine in the darkness that is surrounding us daily.  If I’m complaining and fussing and being negative I am certainly not being a light.  If all I want to do is argue and/or post negative critical comments on social media I am certainly not letting the light that is within me shine.  Remember what your momma said:

One of the problems is that it is so easy to get caught up in conversations where complaints are the topic.  I’m trying to learn to walk away if I can or simply listen to others without joining in the complaint fest because sometimes they just need to vent.  Being encouraging and kind goes a long way in overcoming people’s negativity. 

It’s sometimes difficult to separate complaining from praying.  However, I have found that if I’m truly seeking God’s will in my life my prayers will reflect that.  Instead of telling Him what’s wrong in my life and what I want I will be seeking His purpose in the things my life and asking for His will to be done.  I like this quote by Lysa Terkeurst:

If you are a child of God why not try to go 24 hours without complaining.  If you don’t make it don’t despair.  Try again.  Ask for the Holy Spirit to remind you during the day and He will. 

Father,

Forgive me for complaining instead of being grateful.

Open my eyes to the many blessings you give to me.

Let the light of Jesus shine in and through me daily.

In His Precious Name,

Amen.

When to Say YES & When to Say NO!

Thoughts for Cheri

January 9, 2004 continued:

“I was called by someone at Ninth & O about visiting a shut-in and I’m struggling with that.  I don’t know why.  Is it my old insecurities coming back?  I was forced to do so many things I didn’t really want to do over the years and I almost feel like since I said I was interested that I have to do it now.  It seems like guilt thing.  But it could be Satan using that to keep me from ministering in this way”

“I guess the concern I have is that the shut-in ministry might not be what God wants because I don’t have a peaceful feeling about it.  I don’t want to commit to something that is not God-lead because I think I should or out of guilt.  I want to do what God has called me to do.”

“I was called by someone at Ninth & O about visiting a shut-in and I’m struggling with that.  I don’t know why.  Is it my old insecurities coming back?”  I had forgotten about this.  I realize now that I was searching for a place to belong, a place to matter, a place to feel like I was contributing to something that was needed.  But in the midst of my search those old feelings of inadequacy and feared reared their ugly heads.  Satan surely knows what buttons to push to keep me from stepping out in faith.

“I was forced to do so many things I didn’t really want to do over the years and I almost feel like since I said I was interested that I have to do it now.”  I believe this is one of the main reasons I’ve had trouble committing to anything over the years.  Even today I still struggle with this.  Not because I don’t want to do things but because too often I did things I wasn’t called to do and I ended up quitting or failing. 

“I don’t want to commit to something that is not God-lead because I think I should or out of guilt.  I want to do what God has called me to do.”  I will say that I have in the past couple of years become more comfortable with saying no when asked to do things.  In fact I got to where I said no to just about everything.  Now I’m working on saying yes to things I really feel led to do and being committed to see them through and do them well.  It has surprised me how freeing this has really been because I’m relying on God’s direction and not on what others or even I think I should do.  He knows me best and He opens doors to ways I can use the gifts and talents He’s given and to opportunities that take me out of my comfort zone and cause me to rely on His strength and wisdom.  It’s the only way to live as a child of The King!

Father,

You are so patient with Your child.

You understand my weaknesses and fears.

You teach me to rely on Your strength and wisdom.

You show me when to say yes and when to say no.

Thank You!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen

Wait in Faith!

Thoughts for Cheri

January 9, 2004 continued:

“I am in a strange mood right now.  I feel weary, quiet, reflective, and a little sad, near tears.  I feel like I will probably cry tonight.  I’m glad I’m meeting with Cheri tomorrow.”

“I sense a desire to step back and wait.  I’ve been experiencing a sense of expectancy in a positive way since the first of the year, like something good is going to happen.  Right now it is a little different in that I am somber.  I wonder if God is preparing me for something by causing me to stop, consider, and wait so that I will hear Him when He speaks.  Does that make sense?”

“I’m not as angry as I have been although it is still present.  It’s more that sense of sadness.  I’m thinking about him too much.  Thoughts such as ‘Why did he do what he did?  Why did I allow him to do it do me? Why didn’t he make better choices even at the end?  Why did other people support him instead of recognizing him for what he is?’”

“I had a thought that maybe Satan is trying to distract me from whatever it is God is going to reveal to me so that I will miss His message and leading.  I’m taking these thought captive and giving them to God.  It just seems that they are coming more often now than they have in months.  I feel like I’m under attack!”

“I wonder if God is preparing me for something by causing me to stop, consider, and wait so that I will hear Him when He speaks.”  This is the sentence that jumped out at me today when I read this.  Too often in life I am too busy, my environment is too noisy, or I’m just plain not listening when God wants to tell me something.  This is why my quiet time with Him every morning has become vital in my life.  It’s amazing how many times something I read or some thought that ‘pops’ into my head during those moments reflects and prepares me for things I’ll face later that day.

 “I feel weary, quiet, reflective, and a little sad, near tears.”  These words reflect why I think God needed to slow me down.  I was weary.  I had made so many decisions, so many changes in my life and a big one was coming in the next few months.  God knew the plans He had for me and He knew I needed to be paying attention so I’d be in tune with His Spirit when it was time for me to take a step of faith. 

“I had a thought that maybe Satan is trying to distract me from whatever it is God is going to reveal to me so that I will miss His message and leading.”  I know Satan was trying to stop me from listening to God.  He doesn’t know what God’s going to do but he knows God always has the best plan for His child who listens and is willing to step out in faith.  His goal is to hinder every child of God that he possibly can so that we miss out on the blessings God has in store for us when we obey.  The thing is, God’s will is always accomplished but when we allow Satan to deter us we miss out on the blessings of being involved in His kingdom work.  I don’t want to miss out on serving the One who loves me most and best.

Each day we have an opportunity to step out in faith and obedience to God.  Sometimes it’s a giant step that brings major life changes to us and/or others and sometimes it’s a small step that makes the day better.  It can be anything from changing jobs or moving across the world to offering a cup of coffee or a smile and hug to a hurting person.  Faith and willingness to take a chance are involved in each opportunity that God brings into our lives.  The thing is once we take that first step He gives everything we need to succeed in His eyes whether the world thinks we’re successful of not.  I’d much rather please and honor the One who died for me and is preparing a place with Him for me than the rulers of this world.

Although I didn’t know it then I can say now that God was preparing me for a major life change, one that has brought me much joy and satisfaction.  I’ll be sharing more about the process He brought me through in the months to come.  Just know if I had not stopped and listened it would have been my great loss.  Dying to self and living for Him has certainly been my greatest gain.

Father,

I want my life to bring honor to You.

I want to always be ready to step out on faith.

Teach me to remember that You’ve never failed me.

Thank You!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen