Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow!

June 6, 2003

“Work, grocery, and home.  Didn’t do much.  I am so lonely.  I know God is with me and I think that is the only thing keeping me going.  My lawyer called and then e-mailed me the settlement.  It looks good but I wonder if he’ll agree. ‘Please help me Father.  Give me a good day tomorrow and help someone to call or come see me.’”

June 7, 2003

“Stayed home all day.  Cleaned the apartment, worked in the office, and made spaghetti.  It was a lonely day but good.  Pat called after 9 and I cried a little but it reminded me that people care.”

June 8, 2003

“Good day-really enjoyed Bible study and worship.  It’s so good to truly worship!  Went to lunch with FAITH class.  Met some new people.  Home and just relaxed.  Tanya & Tim called.  I’m going to be wonderful-it will just take time.  ‘Lord, lead me to new friends with whom I can be honest and can share.  Help me to be a good friend.’”

I underlined the phrases that impacted me when I read over these entries.  There are days still when God’s presence is the only thing that keeps me going but it’s for different reasons.  Then it included sadness, loneliness, feeling abandoned, and not sure of what to do next.  Today it’s more physical fatigue and pain from arthritis and fibromyalgia.  Today I need His strength and presence to help me do what I must do and to be who I need to be to others.  Today the joy He’s placed in me is what enables me to be kind and encouraging when I really don’t feel like it.  *I prefer today.

My prayer on the 6^th for someone to call or come see me sounds pretty desperate to me now.  It shows my loneliness and need to feel wanted.  Again, compared to today that too is different.  Today my job necessitates me talking to others either in person or on the phone most of the working day.  Today I receive love and appreciation from many friends and from family. Today because I am an introvert and I have fatigue when I get home I just want to be quiet and still.  Today I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do with my evenings.  *I prefer today.

Going right along with that is the statement on the 7^th that I was lonely.  Today I’m seldom lonely when I’m alone any more.  Today it’s lonelier in crowds where there are couples and families enjoying each other than it is when I’m in my apartment.  Today leaving church after morning worship on Sunday can be the loneliest time of all.  Watching groups leave to go out to eat knowing I’m heading home to eat alone sometimes hurts.  But once I get home and I love on my puppy I’m fine.  *I prefer today.

Did you notice the answer to my prayer on the 7^th?  I prayed for someone to call or come see me.  The next day I was alone all day but then right before bed my sister called.  She is one of the few people whom I trusted enough at that time to be totally honest with so I could cry when I talked to her.  God knew I needed a reminder that people care and He knew who I needed to talk with that day.  He still does today.  Then and now, yesterday and today the one constant was God’s presence in my life.

The last phrase I underlined was “I’m going to be wonderful-it will just take time.”   Wow!  That kinda surprises me.  I know there are days I will be writing about from my journals when I certainly didn’t feel that way.  When I read this I see a child who was resting in my Father’s assurance that things would be okay, that I would be better than okay.  I would be wonderful.  And guess what?  I have more wonderful days than down days right now!  But in that yesterday I never imagined the wonderful times I would experience those todays that were yet to be.  Like:

Swimming with dolphins!

I cherish the yesterdays I've lived.

I dream about the tomorrows I've yet to live.

But meanwhile I'll live today.

Father,

As I reflect on my yesterdays,

live in my todays,

and hope for my tomorrows,

my gratitude for Your faithful love

knows no bounds.

Thank You!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen

*I do prefer today to yesterday.  That being said, without my yesterdays I would not be who or where I am today.  God has done a wonderful work in my life in those yesterdays.  Every yesterday contributed to who I am today.  That’s why I can be thankful in ALL things as 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says.  God is good!