No Fear Allowed

Journal Entry:

October 26, 2003

“Great day.  I woke up under attack from Satan.  Fear, shaking, near tears, wanting to hide, unable to breathe.  Called Cheri and asked her to pray.  Went to church and felt so loved.  Sunday School was great.  Dr. Cook preached on fear and serving God!  God dealt with me and I went forward and surrendered to full-time Christian service, what it is He wants me to do.  Went to choir and p.m. service.  Dr. Moore preached on being merciful-forgiving.  God really dealt with me today.  ‘Thank You Lord!  I love You!’”

Notes for Cheri from October 26, 2003:

“When I got home from church Sunday evening I was getting stuff ready for Monday.  I saw a small orange piece of paper lying on the bedroom floor.  I picked it up to throw away when something or Someone made me look at it.  It was a small construction paper butterfly.  I don’t remember where it came from or how or why it ended up on the floor at that particular time.  I just know that the sight of that small butterfly on the day I had surrendered to full-time Christian service blessed my soul.  I saw it as a sign from God that He is going to release me from the cocoon prison I’ve been in and I am going to burst forth as a new creation: a butterfly!  It’s a sign of hope for me.  Praise the Lord!”

Wow!  I’d forgotten about this particular day until I read this.  The memories came flooding back into my mind and heart.  I remember the panic I felt when I woke up.  It was frightening to say the least.  Knowing I could call Cheri and that she would pray for me meant so much.  I remember crying out to God the entire time I was getting ready for church.  He heard and He certainly answered in a big way.

First of all the fact that I made it out of bed and showered and dressed was a miracle.  I felt a heaviness around and in me that I know was evil trying to hinder me from going to church.  However, I serve a God who is bigger than anything that comes against me and when I call on Him He gives me the strength to go on.  I have experienced this many times in my life so I know it’s true.

Dr. Cook preached on fear and serving God!  If there is anyone who wants to tell me that the sermon topic was a coincidence I beg to differ.  I don’t believe in coincidences.  I believe in God who knows just what I need and provides it just when I need it.  Everything that happened that day was spoken into existence by God for me.  I remember sitting in the choir as he began preaching and my mouth just fell open.  I was astounded by God’s grace, mercy, and love that was shown just by this sermon. 

As I listened God’s Spirit moved in me convicting me and encouraging me to go forward and surrender to His will for my life.  I didn’t know what it would be but several months later God opened doors and today I am a ministry assistant and receptionist in a Baptist church.  My ministry is to serve others throughout my day as He leads and opportunities arise.  There are no enough words to express how grateful I am to Him for placing me where I am today. 

Dr. Moore preached on being merciful-forgiving.  At this point I was not ready to forgive.  I wanted him to suffer!  I’ve come a long way on that but I’ll admit there are still times when something happens that reminds me of hurts and I have to forgive all over again.  It does get easier with time. 

The butterfly!  I still have it:

Butterflies have become my symbol of new life and hope.  Everyone who knows me knows this.  I receive them as gifts and on cards all the time.  This day is where it started; this plain simple little butterfly.  It’s amazing the little touches God uses to encourage His child isn’t it?   

I saw it as a sign from God that He is going to release me from the cocoon prison I’ve been in and I am going to burst forth as a new creation: a butterfly!  It’s a sign of hope for me.  God has released me from that prison.  It’s taken years of struggle just as a butterfly has to struggle to break free from its cocoon.  Of course I haven’t reached the final goal yet; that’s called eternity in Heaven with Jesus.  But anyone who knew me then and knows me now will tell you I have emerged and have blossomed to live the life God wants for me.  I am soaring like a butterfly thanks to God!

Father,

You are amazing!

You use creation to touch lives.

Thank You for touching mine with a butterfly.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen