Journal Entries
October 3, 2003
“Left work early to be at home when Cheri came for counseling session. This is going to be so good for me. We talked about my childhood and I told her about Toshi and how she died. That still hurts deeply. I feel like I betrayed her. Cheri said she got some ideas on how we should go. I talked a lot about my parents and our relationship. God is working! ‘I love You, Lord!’”
Counseling has
started. The first session felt like I was
talking to an old friend with whom I could share anything. It had been a long time since I’d felt like
that. I spent so many years hiding
myself, my feelings and what was happening in my life from others that this was
freeing. Cheri was so easy to talk to
and she listened! I rarely felt like anyone was really
hearing me or cared to hear what I had to say.
This was an overwhelming to me. I
shared some things with her that I’d never told a soul.
Toshi
was my dog who had been with me since I was 10 years old. She was my first baby. I’m not going into detail about how she died
but I will say I still struggle with forgiveness for myself and for my ex over
it. I just say that I wish I had stood
up to him more in a lot of situations and this was one of them. I don’t think about it as often as I used to
but when I do I have to forgive all over again.
I’m so thankful God doesn’t do that with me. His words tells me that:
He also says that I’m:
What sweet assurance this is!
I realize now
that Cheri went back to my childhood because that’s when some of my
insecurities began. I am not blaming my
parents. I was raised in a Christian
home by parents who loved me and who did the best they could. However, all experience things
that affect us positively and negatively over time. This is called living life. I needed to explore the good and the bad to
be able to understand the decisions I made in my life. To do this it was necessary to begin in the
beginning, to face and forgive others as well as myself for any perceived
wrongs that were impacting my life in a negative or harmful way. I say perceived because one thing I learned
from counseling is that I too often misinterpret what others say or do. Cheri will help me discover one time this
happened that was at the root of many of my issues. Stay tuned for that.
One of the
things that was special about Cheri was that while listening to me she picked
up on issues I didn’t even know I had that gave her
“some ideas on how we should go.” She would listen to me, ask questions, and
then help me to reach a conclusion instead of telling me what she thought I should
think or do. Our sessions always begin
with prayer and always included scriptures that were applicable to my
situation. That’s why I could say after
just the first session that “God is working!”
The key word in
this posting is “listening”. I think listening is a lost art these days
for many reasons. I know too often I find
myself not really listening to others. I’m
thinking about what I want to say, or what I need to do, or umpteen other
things. I can also tell when others aren’t
really listening to me. I’m trying to work on that but it’s too easy
to slide back into the “it’s all about me” way of thinking. That’s another wonderful thing about God”
“He hears us.” Do notice, however, there is a
condition. What we ask must be according
to His will. What we must remember is
that He is our loving Father who only wants what is best for us so when we seek
His will we seek our best. Anything else
is not worth having or doing.
Father,
Thank You for hearing
what I say.
Thank You for people
who truly listen.
Teach me to be a
better listener.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen
No comments:
Post a Comment