Words and Reactions Matter

Journal Entry January 22, 2003

“Interesting day.  One of my co-workers who is kind of a supervisor (not official just because of length of employment) made a critical comment and I had to bite my tongue.  I handled it better than I use to.”

I had just come out of 32 years of being afraid to defend myself when criticized.  I was not allowed to think for myself or to have my own opinions.  When I did try to express any disagreement with my ex I was ridiculed or worse.  This would cause me to stuff the anger and pain I felt which was definitely not healthy.  At this point in my journey I had reached a place where I was highly sensitive to being criticized and I reacted strongly and, to be honest, often inappropriately when it occurred.  I believe all that stuffed stuff was spilling out of the wound that had been opened.  My sister has told me that I went from one extreme to the other and I admit that I did. 

I think that’s why I noted this in my journal.  This reaction was unusual for me at this time.  I don’t remember what was said but I do remember the moment.  What matters is not that I didn’t respond in anger but that I also didn’t stuff what I felt.  Yes I bit my tongue but it was different than in my marriage.  It wasn’t fear, it was awareness that to respond negatively would not have been proper in this instance.  I remember realizing it was not directed at me or my co-workers but at the circumstance. 

So much of our daily journey is measured in small victories.  You make a wise choice, do the right thing, react in a positive way one time and one day you realize those small steps have led to a major change in your attitude and life.  That’s what happened to me in this area with which I was struggling.  Although there are still times today when I want to respond as spoken to they are few and far between.  When those times happen I’m able to walk away, find a quiet place, and give it to God. 

God has taught me over the past 13 years how to respond to criticism in a Christian and loving way.  I’m very grateful for the tender and firm way He teaches me the lessons I need to learn.  He doesn’t let His child get away with anything but He lovingly corrects and draws me back to His way.  He was patient with me through my period of overreacting to criticism.  He used scripture, prayer, and others to guide me as I sought my way to being the kind of person He wants me to be.  He gave me thoughts, words, and actions to respond in the way He desires.

There is so much meanness in this world today.  As a Christian it’s my duty to add kindness and consideration while staying faithful to the message God has for me to share.  This is how we make a difference in a world that needs Jesus!

Father,

Place in me the words You’d have me to say.

Remind me of the power of words for good and bad.

I want to make a difference for Your Kingdom.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen