Journal entries:
September 14, 2003
“Good day. Sunday School and worship felt like home. Went to 101 class for new members to learn about Ninth & O. It was so good. I will probably join next Sunday. Three of my friends from RV called-coming to see me tomorrow night. It will be fun. Pat is in Winchester. ‘Lord, guide me each day. I love you!’”
September 15, 2003
“Busy day. Home. My friends came. We ordered pizza, ate, talked, and laughed. It was wonderful! I’m so thankful for good friends. ‘Father, thank You for friends who love and encourage me. I love You!’”
September 16, 2003
“Work was good. Home and did as little as possible. I am tired. I need a vacation where I can rest. ‘Father, help me to rest in You. I love You!’”
September 17, 2003
“Long day. H. called Tanya-said someone in Virginia called him but he didn’t get all the number. Hal is out to sea and his family is with her parents waiting to move into their own place. Got in touch with Carie-no one from there called him. Everyone there is fine. She talked to Hal and he’s doing great. Home-didn’t go to Bible study. I’m fighting depression. I cried and talked to God. I am so tired! I need to find a counselor. ‘Father, help me please. I love You!’”
Let me start by
saying that the first two days of this week good things happened. Church, wonderful time with friends, being able to go
home and choose to do nothing.
I’m so thankful for these moments of happiness in the midst of this
extremely difficult journey I was on. I do
not take them lightly or for granted.
That being
said, the words in red became my focus as I read these entries. Tired, need rest, depression, need a counselor. As I look back now I can see the hand of God preparing
me for a major step in my journey. I had
to reach the point where I knew I couldn’t do this on my own. I needed help. Until I recognized this God could not provide
exactly who and what I needed. I didn’t
know then that in exactly one week God would introduce me to the person He was
even then preparing to come along side of me as my counselor and friend. I believe He was just waiting for me to ask.
And ask I did. “Father, help me please.” I see a progression of thought in
the prayers on these days. First I asked
Him for guidance in joining Ninth & O.
I wanted it to be where He wanted
me to be. Then I thanked Him for
friends. I think the visit from friends
from my days before divorce was a reminder that I did matter, I wasn’t
forgotten by them or especially by God.
Then I asked Him for rest. I was
tired of the struggle of doing this on my own.
Family and friends were wonderful but I needed help that only He could
give me. That’s when I reached the point
where I gave up pretending I could do this by myself. I needed a counselor. I called out to God for help. That was it.
Simple yet profound. We can’t get
help until we realize and admit we need it.
Jesus promised that if we:
God was getting ready to open
wide the door for my journey from being rejected to being restored and
revitalized! If I’d known all that this
open door was going to lead to in my life I might have chosen differently. In fact, a few times over the last thirteen
years I’ve told my kids they could just put me in one of these:
There are still days today when
it looks pretty good. Just add my TV & Gaither
videos and my puppy Cinnamon and I’d be a happy camper. Truth be told, I’m so very thankful that
neither God nor my kids chose to honor that request. He has different plans for me because He’s
provided so many great opportunities and kept me moving forward even on days I’ve
resisted. He’s still moving me today.
My encouragement
to anyone reading this who is discouraged or ready to throw in the towel is to
simple admit you can’t do it alone, ask God for help, and wait for the
miracle. It will come. It may not be what or who you expect but it
will be what’s best in God’s timing and purpose for your life. That I can promise.
Father,
Thank You for not
answering all my requests.
Thank You for always
doing what’s best for me even when I don’t see it.
You are Awesome!
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen
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