Following the Shepherd

Journal Entries:

September 5, 2003

“Pretty good day.  Quiet evening.  I think I’ve been doing too much for right now.  I tend to over commit-I need to watch that. ‘Lord, help me to know what You would have me to do and then to do it.’”

September 6, 2003

“Stayed home-beautiful weather-I opened patio door for a while.  Talked with my friend.  Her friends will meet me in the morning.  I am nervous about another new thing but God is with me.  ‘Lord, thank You for Your presence in my life.  I love You!’”

September 7, 2003

"Went to Sunday School and worship at Ninth & O Baptist and felt like I’d gone home.  Small women’s class was great.  I was greeted with smiles and welcomes from the time I walked in the door and everyone was very helpful.  The worship service was meaningful and thought provoking.  This evening a man called to welcome me, see how my visit was, and set up a time Tuesday evening for a visit.  ‘Thank You, Lord!  I love You!’”

“I think I’ve been doing too much for right now.  I tend to over commit-I need to watch that. ‘Lord, help me to know what You would have me to do and then to do it.’”  I didn’t know how to say no at this time in my life.  I wanted people to like and accept me so I thought I had to do whatever I was asked to do.  To be honest, sometimes I still struggle with that even today but for the most part I’ve learned to say no and mean it.  It’s really rather freeing.

“I am nervous about another new thing but God is with me.”    My life was overrun with “new things” at this time.  I did most of those new things by myself.  Yes, sometimes friends were there when I got there but I had to get up, get ready, drive to, and walk into the place by myself.  That’s not always easy, especially when your self-esteem and/or self-image have been beaten down to where you don’t think you’re worth much.  That’s where I was.  If it hadn’t been for my faith, my desire to live life, and my assurance of God’s presence I’d probably still be stuck in that rut today.  I know it was God Himself who led me to do another new thing.

I had truly enjoyed attending Southeast Christian Church.  My friends had been a comfort and a blessing to me each time I saw them.  However, I was born and raised a Southern Baptist and had attended a Baptist church my entire life.  As I began to settle into my new life I found myself yearning for the roots that came with this connection.  I searched for a Baptist church near me and found Ninth and O less than two miles from my apartment.  When I mentioned it to my friend she knew a couple who attended there.  On Saturday she told me she’d talked to them and they were going to meet me and show me where to go.  What a blessing this was!

“Ninth & O Baptist.”  What a blessing from God this was.  When I walked in the door it was like coming home.  It felt right.  The people were warm and welcoming and the class I went to reminded me of my Sunday School class at FBC Mount Washington-ladies who loved the Lord and studying His word.  Ladies who were thrilled to see me in their class.

Worship too was like coming home.  The choir, hymns, sermon, and invitation were all so familiar and comforting to me.  Several of the ladies in my class invited me to sit with them so I didn’t feel alone.  I felt welcomed.  I felt like I belonged. 

The next months would reveal to me one of the main reasons God led me to Ninth & O Baptist Church.  For now I was just thankful for this blessing in my life.  As I look back on this time I see God’s handprint on every aspect of my life.  He knows just exactly what I need when I need it.  I needed a respite time with friends who loved on me without expecting anything from me.  I needed breathing room.  My time at Southeast gave me all of that and more.  I also learned that I could step out in faith and try new things by myself and survive.  God was preparing me for the hard work of healing that would begin in my life before the month of September ended.  Something great was just around the corner.  More about that in future postings.

“Pretty good day.  Quiet evening.”  “Stayed home-beautiful weather-I opened patio door for a while.  Talked with my friend.”  This is just a reminder to myself of the simple blessings God places in my life every day.  I never want to reach the point in my life that I miss the daily blessings He gives to me on the worst of days and the best of days. 

‘Lord, thank You for Your presence in my life.  I love You!’”  ‘Thank You, Lord!  I love You!’”  I end today with these statements.  God’s presence and love and my love for Him are the things that kept me going minute by minute, day by day, week by week until thirteen years have passed.  He has never left me and never stopped loving me.  My love for and gratitude to Him have only increased.  I’m thankful I can say with King David:

Father,

I may not always understand what You are doing in my life,

But I’ve learned to trust Your leading.

Thank You for old memories, new beginnings, and for being my Shepherd through it all.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen