Hurts versus Hopes

HURTS versus HOPES

July 28, 2003

“Lawyer got my money and I can get it Thursday.  I am upset that he only paid part of what he was supposed to pay.  It just seems like he keeps getting away with stuff-but I know God knows.  ‘Father, thank You for listening to me even when I’m angry.’”

July 29, 2003

“I have a cold.  ‘Father, help me to feel better today.’”

July 30, 2003

“I feel awful-didn’t go to Bible study.  Bought medicine and went home.  Have a fever.  ‘Father, thank You for Your goodness and patience with me.’”

July 31, 2003

"Home after work-took Tylenol and rested.  Bed early.  ‘Lord, give me wisdom with this money.  Help me to use it wisely.’”

August 1, 2003

“Short day at work.  Home and waited to go get check.  Lawyer called and I left around 3:30 p.m.  He wrote a personal check-still using ones with my name-just scratched it off.  Got money in bank.  PTL!  ‘Father, show me the way.’”

August 2, 2003

“Just enjoyed being at home.  ‘Father, thank You for my apartment.’”

When I started the blog today I didn’t know where I was going with it.  I decided to just pick out a few sentences from a week of entries.  Right after I finished typing the above entries I found this picture in a Sheila Walsh Facebook post.  This led me to consider the hurts and hopes found in these entries.

Hurts:  “I am upset that he only paid part of what he was supposed to pay.  It just seems like he keeps getting away with stuff-but I know God knows.”  “I have a cold.”  “I feel awful-didn’t go to Bible study.  Bought medicine and went home.  Have a fever.”   “Home after work-took Tylenol and rested.  Bed early.”  “He wrote a personal check-still using ones with my name-just scratched it off.”

It makes sense that the statements about my ex getting away with “stuff” are my “hurts”.  When you been rejected and thrown like so much trash after almost 32 years of marriage it hurts.  Seeing my name scratched off our checks was another rejection being thrown in my face.  The human side wants the person who did the rejecting to hurt too.  In this case, he didn’t.  He didn’t care. So the designation “hurts” fits. 

Why the ones about being sick?  My ex had a low tolerance for anyone being sick.  He rarely, if ever, took care of me when I felt bad.  If you felt well enough to be out of bed and on the couch you were well enough to work.  No lollygagging allowed here.  This was hard for me because some of my best childhood memories are of lying on the couch watching TV and being cared for by my mom.  People find it strange that one of my comfort foods when I’m sick is bread and gravy.  That’s because when I had my tonsils out in 4^th grade I didn’t want ice cream.  Mom’s soft warm bread and gravy was the best thing I’d ever tasted.  Today when I have a sore throat or a cold I crave bread and gravy.  I didn’t get this in all the years I was married unless I fixed it myself.  You’d think I’d be used to it then wouldn’t you.  But no, buying my own medicine, going home to an empty apartment, and fixing my own bread and gravy was still hard.  I was, however, able to lie on my couch without getting in trouble! J

Note:  I remember once when I lived in this apartment that my daughter drove all the way in to Louisville just to bring me some Sprite.  The only time I like it is when I’m sick.  I was contagious so I unlocked the door, she set it inside, yelled “I love you”, and drove back home.  That’s caring for and loving someone the way it should be done.

Hopes:  “Lawyer got my money and I can get it Thursday.  ‘Father, thank You for listening to me even when I’m angry.’”  ‘Father, help me to feel better today.’”  ‘Father, thank You for Your goodness and patience with me.’  ‘Lord, give me wisdom with this money.  Help me to use it wisely.’”  Got money in bank.  PTL!  ‘Father, show me the way.’”  “Just enjoyed being at home.  ‘Father, thank You for my apartment.’”

I think this is a clear picture of where my hope lies.  Most of these entries are of me talking to God.  My hope is found in Him through my faith in Jesus Christ.  I can tell you without a doubt that my faith and hope in Him is the only reason I’m alive and doing well today.  When I felt like giving up, and I still do sometimes, He is the One who gives me grace, peace, joy, and hope to keep breathing.  This comes in many different forms but I always know it’s from Him.  People, events, thoughts, scripture, nature, feelings all are gifts of hope given to me over the years.  

That’s why I say in Christ alone my hope is found! 

Father,

My hope is found in Christ alone.

Thank You for this precious gift of Your Son.

“No power of Hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand.

Here in the power of Christ I stand.”

In His Precious Name!

Amen.